


Show me the Way

by Shiraia_Writes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Future, Loss, M/M, Medical Trauma, Past, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 38
Words: 56,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25823125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiraia_Writes/pseuds/Shiraia_Writes
Summary: It hurt... It hurt so very much, but he lived through it. There wasn't supposed to be a way to survive, yet here he stood, breathing, his heartbeat loud in his ears, gazing up at the gates of Konoha that should have been destroyed long ago. The people behind that gate shouldn't exist and most importantly, he shouldn't be here.Sasuke had done this to him; it was a last attempt so save his life at the cost of his borther's. Naruto hadn't wanted that. He would have gladly died alongside everyone else. Now he was here again, at the start of his hell and the only place he could ever consider home, Konoha
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 181
Kudos: 732





	1. The End

Sasuke had cursed him into this existence. Even meant good and caring, it was a curse.

The Fourth Shinobi War had dragged out long enough to make most memories of a happy past a far away dream, yet they had fought on until nobody was left standing. He had been fierce, a leader, a strong point to lean on even if he himself was crumbling.

Sakura had died, screaming and alone with no way to get to her. She had reached out to him, like she always had, but this time he couldn't reach her. She took down hundreds with her, only making it more impossible to find her body. They didn't. She was left to rot along with the Zetsu. An unmarked grave amidst a sea of corpses. He knew where she lay. He could go there blindfolded and still get to the exact location. There had never been a chance to go back, never a chance to pay the last respects.

Kakashi had died. Silent like the night had the Jounin slipped away in fevered nightmares caused by infections and sedation. The many deep cuts had never had the chance to heal before the next onslaught begane. The constant agony of his wounds had almost driven him mad, giving him no respite in the moments battle lessened. With no medics available, infection had spread through his blood, slowly creeping to his heart before his heart was forced to give out. Sasuke had found him, closed his broken eyes and whispered a small prayer before Naruto walked in on them. He couldn't handle it. He just turned around and walked away. Denial. It was a great relief when it needed to be, but an even harder blow when truth broke through. It left a scar, mentally and physically, because physical pain was a relief too. Especially when the mind was overwhelmed.

At some point in time Naruto felt like he and Sasuke were the only ones left still able to fight. The Shinobi forced were gone, home was gone, life was gone except for Sasuke, Naruto and _Madara_. Somehow he knew there were pockets of survivors spread across the lands, but they didn't fight anymore. They were just surviving. Trying to make sense of all that had come to pass and rebuild with whatever was remaining. Those were not the people Naruto knew. He wouldn't be home if he went to such a settlement. Sasuke felt the same, and so they fought on.

But whatever would be left of the world after this, right now they were taking their final stand. Here, the Valley of the End. There was no life left in the valley. Even the waters that once flowed so freely was still, murky and tainted. Madara stood among the dead, a proud stance like he always had, no remorse visible. Opposite him stood Naruto, scarred and injured, but still holding on to everything, anything. The familiar red chakra cloaked him, merging with the Sage's energy to form a glowing yellow coat, a coat of arms worn proudly, recognisable by all. A point of hope to others. Yet there was a falter in Naruto's step, a hesitation and dread. His eyes were drawn to Sasuke time and time again. Sasuke, who lay to the side, cast away like a leaf in the wind. The slight movement in his chest the only indication Naruto's last friend and brother was still alive and the only fuel that kept Naruto standing at the moment. To protect the last remnent of his life.

For once he was truly injured, injured beyond the repair Kurama could give him. The fox tried, but even he had his limits and the years of turmoil without rest had worn down the great fox as it had done everything else in the world. The silent agreement between them was resignation in death if it meant taking down Madara. Keep Naruto breathing only long enough for that single purpose. There would be nothing left for him after this anyway. He had had enough and it was time to stop, to finally give in and maybe find some peace in the life after this one.

Madara was as drained as they were. Death now would be true death for either one of them. Or both of them. No more tricks of immortality resided with them anymore. No matter how they were to twist and turn, death was the only outcome. Naruto was painfully aware of this, the promise he made to Sasuke would be broken, to survive or die together. He was going to die, Sasuke would live. A promise shattered would be his last action and the guilt he felt over it only made it more difficult. The guilt settled along with the burden he already carried. Just a little more weight to bare. If it was for Sasuke, he could. If it was for those he loved, he could take on the world once again like he had done before.

Even just standing, breathing, took chakra, energy he didn't have. Nature didn't provide him with more, there was nothing left to give. It was now or never to take action and embrace the end. He launched, Madara copying his actions and they collided with raw power. It was short and brutal. Madara cut deep, dragging his sword upwards from Naruto's hipbone all the way to his jaw. Using the force that was thrown at him, Naruto grabbed Madara's shoulder and head, twisting them in opposite direction of each other, poring all that he had left into this final move. Simple. Effective.

A snap resonated in the desolate valley. The unmistakable sound of bones breaking. Madara crumbled and Naruto followed. All strength was gone. All that was left were the empty and dead eyes of Madara staring at him as the last of his own life drained away through the open wound that marred him. Victory, or at least some form of peace for those that survived.

Not wanting Madara's dead and silent stare to be his last image, Naruto turned towards Sasuke. To see if he was still breathing or that perhaps, just maybe, their final promise was met in the end. The sight he found made his gasp an impossible breath, curdling his very soul. Sasuke was standing not far away from his, but he was weaving signs Naruto recognized and despised. He begged with his eyes, mouthing breathless words, begging for Sasuke to cease what he was about to do, but it was to no avail. Sasuke brought his hands down, touching the ground to make an intricate network of glowing lines appear. The seal, for that is what is was, crawled over Naruto's skin, encompassing every part of him. He knew what was going to happen. This seal, this cursed seal, was one made by Naruto himself. In the midst of all the battles, back when hope was still an ally, he had come up with this seal. A seal to transport someone through the endlessness of time. To shatter someone's very being and reassemble it in another time.

It was never truly used. They had tried, but it never seemed to quite work. There was something broken in it, and Naruto couldn't find out what. Without his mentor or works to reverence, he could not see the error. When Sai was mangled beyond saving after Naruto had tried the seal on him, they had stopped. Regret and guilt, something that was already weighing heavily on Naruto, had crushed his very soul beyond repair. Killing enemies was one thing. Killing a friend, even if that friend had known the risk and was willing to take it, was something different entirely. It had made something snap in the mind of the blond hero, it had made him cruel to some extent, cold. It took away a little of his mercy he always held so dear. Another part of his humanity gone. Another part of him to hate.

The seal tightened around him and he felt what Sai must have felt. Restriction that was at the same time pulling him apart, trying to get him to move while keeping him in place. It tore through him deeper than the gash left by Madara and kept ripping deeper. "Stay alive. Make it right." The words echoed through his head and seemed to settle the torent. They were distorted, but clearly spoken by Sasuke. The voice had sounded broken, lost and faltering. All strenght gone. But it gave him determination and a reason to push on once again. Hope, as much the cause of pain as it was the cause of comfort, and yet was welcomed no matter which it brought.

The world narrowed to a dot and before he lost sight completely, he saw Sasuke sink to the ground, eyes as dead and empty as Madara's, but a faint trace of a smile on his lips. Naruto wanted to scream, to yell, to let out his desperate need to touch Sasuke one last time, but he couldn't make a single sound. The pressure that engulfed him cancelled everything into blackness, endless blackness within endless pain. For a moment he felt like he was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Pulled apart only to be pushed together again. His mind strained to keep consious, but his body gave up, forcing his mind to follow into blissfull unconsiousness.


	2. Awake

He lay there, the world slowly coming back to him. His senses overwhelmed and his mind too full. He felt the ground, soft underneath him, padded with grass. He heard the wind, rustling the trees and fanning warmth over him. He heard the birds, restlessly chirping and moving in the trees. He felt the sun caressing his skin, warming him. The sound of water streaming nearby calmed his racing mind. He smelled the scent of moss and damp forest ground. The silence was loud, the scents were overwhelming, the warmth was all encompassing. The comfort burnt his core.

He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to have yet another of his senses overwhelmed. He just wanted to lie there and bask in the peacefulness of the moment. He hadn't felt that in so long and it seemed so unreal now.

Then realisation came. Grass should be dead, birds should be gone, the wind shouldn't find trees to rustle and the sun should be blocked by the rising ashes of the endless battles of many months. He shot up, sitting upright with wide eyes before squizing them shut again. The sun was bright, so very bright it burned his eyes and made him squint and shade his eyes with his arm.

His eyes had lost the ability to process the light properly. It made sense. It fit the darkness his life had become and the darkness that was in his heart and mind. After a while, though, the stinging pain in his eyes lessened to the point he could look around, truly take it all in. In amazement he looked around. It was like discovering life once again. It was beautiful, mesmerising. He felt sick. He didn't deserve this. He least of all. But it calmed him knowing at least Sasuke's last deed had not gone without fruits. That was good... wasn't it? Reason enough to push on and honour the final request from the truly last Uchiha?

He leaned back on trembling hands and tilded his face towards the blue sky, free from smoke and filled with life. He relished the moment, calmly breathing the clean, fresh air, but it wasn't meant to last. Such things were never meant to last. "Uhm..." A voice spoke from behind, unknown, hesitant. Naruto snapped. Back to the warlord, back to the warrior, back to the hunted animal fighting to survive. He jumped back and took his defensive stance that was second nature to him. With a silent growl he looked back at the sudden threat, but the sight made his resolve falter. A young man stood before him. No weapons, no Shinobi attire, just a normal man standing there, shock written on his face. "Hi..?" The man added holding up one hand.

Naruto let himself fall back when he couldn't find a threat. It was when he landed he realised he was missing something, explaining the awkwardness of the man standing opposite him. Naruto was naked. He quickly crossed his legs and placed his hands in between them, almost grinning cheekily, almost with a blush on his cheeks, almost caring. "Are you alright?" The man asked, taking a step closer. The whisp of the grin faltered from his face. Was he alright? No... no, far from it, but he wasn't mortally injured like he had been before Sasuke's seal. In fact physically he felt better then he had in a lifetime. He looked down to find a scar where Madara had cut. It still looked angry and fresh, but healed nonetheless. He let his trembling fingers follow the jagged edges of the scar all the way up his neck and onto part of his face. Mutilated, forever scarred. Forver marked. Fitting.

"Do you need help?" Another step closer. Naruto's breath sped up, but he kept avoiding eye contact. He hadn't been close to anyone except Sasuke and people that had only meant harm in a long time. Proximity scared him, no matter who it was. The man picked up on it, stopping his approach and instead crouched down. Cocking his head, he man studied him for a moment, then got back up, turned around and walked away. Relief dominated his mind as his body relaxed once more, the tension disappearing as the man did.

He had wanted to answer, but he couldn't find his voice. He wasn't even sure he still had a voice. Trembling fingers once again brushed his throat, but only found uneven, sensitive skin. An attempt to speak came back silent and painful.

He sat there, pensive for a while. They had never truly discussed what to do if the seal were to actually work. If they actually managed to go back in time. Sasuke had given him his assignment. _"Stay alive. Make it right."_ How, though? How does one change the future? How does one save the future from himself? How did he find himself once again with the responsibility of the entire world on his shoulders? This time he was truly alone. There was no one to fall back on. It was heavy, too much to bare, yet barely enough, so he kept going. As always. " _Stay alive. Make it right._ _"_ He clung to the words, a new mantra to follow. Repeat them over and over and push on.

His musings were interupted by the rustling of the grass, footsteps returning. Naruto didn't look up. He didn't want to. The man stopped in front of him, closer then before, but a determined stride, dropping a bundle of cloth and a package of food. Naruto stared at it for a while, before slowly grabbing the cloth, folding it out to reveal it to be a black kimono and a scarf. Grateful, he donned the clothing. It covered him, the scarf helping to hide the scar that would have been all too visible with the open front of the kimono alone.

Now he was standing he noticed little things about his savior. He was taller then Naruto, dark hair and eyes, callous hands and no jewelery or accessories of any kind. Natuto nodded in thanks, keeping his eyes on the man's chest to avoid eye contact.

The man looked around, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, do you know where you are, or who you are..? You seem really confused." Naruto shook his head slowly. "So, what? Do you need a place to stay? I have a barn where you could crash for a while. If you don't spook the animals, that is." The offer took him by surprise, the kindness of it didn't feel right. Kindness had died in his heart and Naruto had long since rebuked the right to receive it. He shook his head again.

"So what do you want?" For the first time Naruto looked at the man's face, really looked at it and not just to take in features. It was fleeting, the glance, less then a second, but the true intent of kindnes was clear. He sighed, picked up a leaf and hid it behind his other hand. Not knowing when or where he was, showing afinity for the Hidden village of the Leaf could go either way.

"Oh, Kami, you're a long way from home." The man said, looking around a bit lost. A long way from home... the man didn't know the half of it. Naruto nodded in acknoledgement of the comment. "You're in _Kaminari no Kuni._ As far away from Konoha as you could be without crossing the ocean. And uhm... _Konoha_ isn't exactly on good terms with _Kumo_ , so.... good luck?" His additute to Naruto didn't change much, but he did seem less inclined to help.

Again Naruto nodded, avoiding further eye contact. Picking up the bundle of food, he inclined his head once more before walking away. Grateful. He was grateful and he couldn't even convey this to the man, which caused new guilt, which was only like a drop in the ocean to his other burdens. Still, it was more to carry, more to weigh him down.

He picked up speed, testing his body, his limits, to see if they were the same. It felt the same. The same as many of their travels, trying to reach the next field of slaughter, carnage, destrustion. Trying to save lifes that were already lost, only to find themselves be too late. How many times had he rushed off to see if there was anyone left to save, only to find them all dead? How often did he return from his rush, broken en defeated and found the camp that he left overwhelmed or destroyed? As he rushed through the trees it was like the smells came back to him, smoke, blood, gore, rot. He felt adrenaline break through and the feeling of being chased, never allowed rest, just an endless continuation of death.

He stopped, trembling all over and nauseous. One hand sought support of the nearby tree trunk as he sank to his knees, balance lost. His mind had tipped over into haunting memories of the dead and dying, the hopelessness and his part in it all. It took untill the sun set. Untill darkness was pressing around him. The world was made smaller yet the sky looked bigger then ever before.

He let his eyes wander over the plethora of stars supporting the moon in attempt to shine light through the darkness. Their attempt was futile. It didn't take away the darkness, but it was different. It felt like this darkness was without threats, without the need for constant awareness and fear. It lulled him, keeping him between awake and asleep like he had spend his nights for so long. He wondered if he would ever be able to truly sleep again. The night past and the next day began. A new beginning and Naruto picked up his travels.


	3. Travels

Travelling without destination made him feel free. There was no responsibility to go back to, no people waiting on him for his return. He was alone, and he preferred it like that. It wasn't constricting, heavy. 

Every now and then, he stopped in small villages. For a while, he'd stay, train. Experience life as it should have been, but he was never at peace. Even here people shunned him for being different. Not that he could blame them. Fighting so long coated in Kurama's chakra had left him permanently changed. Certain things didn't want to disappear anymore and only served as a painful reminder of the time in which he still had his eternal companion. Sasuke's seal seemed to have taken even Kurama from him. His hair had grown long and wild-looking, the colour seemed to shift between the all too familiar blond at the roots to Uzumaki red at the tips, a wave of foxy orange in the middle. Even as his hair grew longer, the colours seemed to be equally dispersed through his hair. His eyes were a clash of blue and red. The colours didn't mix, just both existed next to each other, perpetually shifting and dancing around each other, the iris devided down the middle by slitted pupils. Even his teeth were elongated, though not disturbingly so. The unmet needs in childhood and deprivation as a teenager had left him short of an average man's hight, lithe and light on his feet. Over time the scar settled, becoming less sensitive and settling into a less prominent colour. Still, it donned his face and neck and he kept the scarf over part of his face to hide it when he could. People didn't take kindly to seeing such blemishes. They judged without knowing. 

Over time came reputation. He wasn't idle in his visits to villages. No matter how opposed they were for his arrival, there were always issues that needed solving. Most villages were unable to afford the steep prices set by the big villages, and so Naruto offered his assistence. Slowly he replaced the kimono and added to his gear. Loose black shinoby pants, red tight sleeveless turtleneck shirt and a loose fitting long sleeved black haori with a hood. His sleeves were infused with seals, hiding weaponry and tools. In between the shirt and the vest was a layer of chainmail and on his back he donned a katana. The scarf he kept. It was worn and raffled at the ends, but he could never bring himself to discard it for another. It was long enough to reach to his knees, having it wrapped around his neck once and leaving the tails hanging backwards. 

The Bingo book caught up with him, but being unknown all that was written was a description and a nickname, which became his new name: Shizukana Shi, quiet death. Shizuka for those that knew him. Antoher nickname arose, Shinigami, God of Death. A name that was forced upon him in the war too. A name he loathed, not because it was spoken with fear by his enemies, but because it had been spoken with revelry by his allies. For all the times he seemed to cheat death and bring it down upon others without mercy, this name was fitting, but he hadn't wanted to be known as a heartless killer to his allies, his friends. Every time it was cheered when he passed people in the camp, the chant cut him deep and made his already bleeding heart bleed faster.

Along the way he settled in a village for a while longer then he normally did. The people didn't shun him, making him feel more at home then he had in a long time, but it never truly filled his empty heart. There also seemed to be no real problems in the village, so it didn't attract the normal activity of Shinobi and bandits making it a perfect place to lay low. 

He found a favorite place to sit and watch the days pass by. A small dango shop with a kind server lady. Quiet peaceful days passed, but underneath it all Shizuka grew restless. Something was pushing against him. An urge, a need, a longing to find home once again. To find at least a piece of which he had lost. Maybe mend something of what was broken in his heart. 

A blur passed him by, barely catching his eye as he sat there lost in longing. It wasn't until a rough voice cut through the quiet morning air that he truly snapped out of it. "Stop, you little rat!" It was the blacksmith that called out. He ran out of his shop and passed Shizuka on his way. Even the small distance left the man breathless and wheezing. After a few struggled breaths, he stood tall with a growl, waving a fist after the blur. He spotted Shizuka sitting back, one eye open to observe the ruckus, but otherwise uninterested. 

"Hey, you, mutey!" The blacksmith called out. "You never seem to do anything but sit there. Why don't you move you lazy ass and get that rat for me?" To say the blacksmith was angry would be an understatement. Shizuka merely raised an eyebrow. The blacksmith growled in frustration, almost stamping his feet. "Fine! When you bring the rat here and whatever was stolen, I'll service your damned katana!" 

Slowly Shizuka rose to his feet, still his eyes observant of his surroundings. With an incline of his head, he disappeared from sight, leaving nothing more behind then a half eaten portion of dango. 

When he appeared again, it was in the middle of the path of the thief. With the momentum they were going, they smacked into his legs and tumbled back. "Hey, watch it!" A young girl, no older then ten, yelled up at him. Her eyes were fierce and filled with fire as she defiently stared up at Shizuka. He cocked his head, taking in her appearence. The ragged clothing and skinny frame were witness of suffering and negligence. The fierceness she showed a sign that she needed to fight for everything and the way she bounched back up and snapped back unmistakebly meant she was alone in her fight to survive. It reminded him of his own early childhood in which he fought to survive in a world that shunned him. The piercing eyes that judged him for just being there. The thinly veiled cruel whispers that still haunted his dreams and the downright death wishes he never understood, but always took to heart, corroding his innocence away. 

"What are you staring at?" The girl said angily. Shizuka blinked, focussing back on reality. He crossed his arms and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Almost immediately she started squirming under his gaze, meaning her conscience was pressing on her.

After a while, Shizuka held up his hand and kept staring her down until she produced the item she had taken. A wakizashi, sharp and balanced. Craftmenship was evident in the leather bindings and elegant scabbert. It must have been a prized object in the blacksmith's possesion. 

Shizuka tucked the wakizashi away and started walking to the dango shop. After a few steps he looked back. The girl was still there, rooted to the ground and looking like she was about to cry. Shizuka's heart gave a pang, of guilt and of compassion and understanding. He saw himself once again, standing at the edge of a playground while adults took their childeren home, leaving him alone, crumbling silently as the adults gave him nasty looks. He sighed, trying to shake the haunting memory bordering on nostalgia from his mind, before turning to face the girl and extending his hand. With a soft motion of his head he asked the girl to come with. For the first time in a long while, a gently smile graced his face, one that became slightly bigger when he saw the girl's eyes light up. With a smile of her own and a bounce in her step, she grabbed the hand of the man that hadn't said a word, yet seemed to understand her more then anyone has ever done. 


	4. Innocence

The moment Shizuka extended his trembling hand, he felt something akin to dread. Would the girl accept a hand so dirtied by blood? After spilling so much blood over his short lifespan he felt like he could never get his hands clean. No matter how he scrubbed and washed, he only saw the red haze of blood covering his hands. Now he held out that disgusting hand out to a girl, innocent and maybe even naive, and expected her to just take it. The smile that graced her face at his offering was almost too much to bare and when her soft and small fingers touched the palm of his hand before they closed around it, he felt a shiver run through him. She steadied his hand almost enough to stop the tremble, though it must feel strange to the girl to hold on to something that unsteady.

After a moment of wandering thoughts, Shizuka pulled himself out of his daze. With a few blinks he tore his eyes of the girl and set out towards the dango shop once again.

Now that the first awkwardness between them was gone, the girl was talking easily, despite not gaining an answer or even an acknowlegdement to her words. Shizuka took in everything the girl said, noticed many similarities to his own childhood and took note of the differences, but for now his past urged him to distance himself from the girl. 

"Hitori, by the way." The girl broke Shizuka from his musings and he stopped, looking back at her. She grinned for getting a reaction. "My name, it's Hitori." Shizuka nodded, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. Unfair, but there was no further answer. No way he could, but he wanted to. Another way to be trapped in his own body, his own mind, without a sound.

Hitori seemed to study him for a while. "You can't talk, can you?" She asked, sadness in her voice. "I'm sorry." Shizuka shrugged, trying to convey the message that she didn't need to be, it was his own problem. It was a punishment for his deeds and he'd bare it accordingly. The true intent of his answer became nothing more then a sad smile and a gentle squeeze of his hand.

They walked on in silence. Reluctance found its way into the girl's steps as they gravitated closer to the one she wronged. Before they rounded the last corned, Shizuka halted, turning to Hitori. _'Why?'_ He mouthed. All he received was a confused look. With a sigh he took out the wakizashi. ' _Why take this?_ ' His second attemp donned understanding before sorrow struck her face. "I need it." Little more then a whisper, but clearly heard by Shizuka. There was so much meaning behind the words and the look in her eyes. Was she at an age to be more then a target for shunning? He hoped to Kami there had been no abuse to trigger her need to wield a weapon, but he nodded nontheless. He understood. Did he himself not wield a fake smile and loud personality to fight his demons? It could have been equally easy to resort to violence, much like Gaara had done.

They rounded the corner, finding everything as Shikuza had left it up to his abandoned dango. The blacksmith stood, impacient with his arms crossed, glaring as soon as Hitori came into view. Shizuka stepped up, letting Hitori step in front of him. Immediately, she bowed her head in an apology, emphesizing her movement by words. "I'm sorry!" It was sincere, and Shizuka was satisfied with it. Her good heart had shone bright and true. Over her bend back, he held up the wakizashi, meaning for the issue to be done with.

The blacksmith took the wakizashi by the hilt and patronized the girl with the same hate filled eyes as he always had to endure. He looked away, the memories coming too close.

Too late he noticed the blacksmith's movement. The man had taken the wakizashi by the hilt and struck the girl clean across the face with it. She yelped, falling to the ground and landing roughly. The world seemed to become quiet as even passers by stopped and gazed at the assault, only silent sobs broke the sudden silence. The blacksmith's movements didn't slow as he lifted the wakezashi to strike down at Hitori once again. As he brought his hand down, Shizuka took a protective stance over Hitori, catching his wrist and twisting it. He twisted it until a snap resounded and the wakizashi was dropped. With easy he caught the weapon and kicked the blacksmith in his obese soft belly, making his stagger back until he hit a wall. It might have been too forceful, but anger made it difficult to reign in his true strength.

Shizuka didn't spare a glance at the man, already focussing back on Hitori. He kneeled down, uncaring about the dirt of the streets and helped Hitori sit up. Gently his fingers caresses the side of her face, probing it lightly with chakra to see the true damage. With his other hand, he wiped away the silent tears. He winced when he found her cheek bone fractured and her jaw bruised. Shizuka poured in more chakra, intensifying the green glow and forcing the injuries to mend by giving it the energy it needed to do so. Beyond mending, he poured in a little red chakra in order to leave not even a bruise on her skin behind. The tears stopped, replaced by awe. Her green eyes spoke of trust and dug into his eyes, finding his very core. 

The moment lasted until it was interupted by angry yells from the people that had been watching. Shizuka was not part of this village, and taking a stand against one of them for another that was shunned, they did not take kindly to it. The message was clear, both of them were no longer welcome. Shizuka sighed and rose to his feet, his not very impressive hight still managing to get most to back up. Once again he held out his hand to Hitori, who grabbed it without hesitation. He guided her to the dango shop, dropping the amount of money he still owed them before leaning down and scooping Hitori in his arms. With one last murderous look that made the onlookers stumble back, both of them disappeared from sight. 

Not too far away, Shizuka placed Hitori back on her feet in a clearing in the forest. He sat down in front of her to once again check her face, but all the traces of injuries were gone. He sighed with relief, letting his head hang. He was ashamed, ashamed of letting the man hurt Hitori, just because he was once again too weak to protect someone. The failures of his past made him unable to look at Hitori, but after knowing his healing had at least taken the edge off, he felt relieved. 

"Uhm..." Hitori sounded unsure and stepped back. A thought crossed Shizuka's mind. Had he displayed horrors for them all by his lash out? Had he shown his true nature, the one of a killer, and was she now as afraid as many before her? Shinigami, Shizukana Shi, demon, monster fox, killer... He was not meant to be close to someone, not even for mere moments. All he brought was hell to those close, even if he wanted to do right by them. He held his breath and closed his eyes. She would run, leave him, even if they had common ground, it would never be enough to close the gap. She would show fear, how could she not? She stood before a monster in every sense of the word. _'Gomen'nasai.'_ He mouthed, but no sound was heard.

"Arigato." For a moment there was silence, before Shizuka dared a glance up. She stood before him in a bow, the step back was only meant to gain the distance needed to do so. He was flabbergasted and did not understand. With forrowed brow he lifted a trembling hand and raised her head. Once their eyes met again, her face broke into a true smile. "Since you can't tell me your name, I'll call you Tenshi, my guardian angel." The contradiction threw him off. His own mind was hardwired to go against the words so truly spoken. "But... what do I do now? I can't go back anymore, can I?" She didn't sound sad, just unsure, afraid he might leave her. Shizuka took out a scroll and wrote in a steady hand 'Come with me?' Hitori stared at the paper a little longer then it should have been nessesary, clearly troubled to read, but still able to. "Okay, yeah. Where will we go, though, what will we do?" 

'Train, travel, earn money and move on.' It always amazed him how steady his hand was when writing, or drawing seals, when they never stilled otherwise. "Train? As in, Shinobi training? Me?" The wonder and anticipation brought a small smile to Shizuka's face and he nodded, holding up the wakizashi for her. A first gift in a new friendship, a new bond. She accepted with brightly burning eyes, before she giggle. Shizuka cocked his head, silently asking what was so funny. "Tenshi-senpai."


	5. The Beginning

Shizuka walked towards the high rising gates that were once so familiar and now seemed out of place. He could see them though the trees, yet they were only barely visible. _They shouldn't be there._ He had watched them be destroyed. No, _he_ wasn't supposed to be there, yet he was. He drew in a breath, deep and long, before slowly letting it slip from his lungs again. Was he going to be able to do this? To see the ghosts of his past? Younger and undamaged, so far away from where he was now?

The steps he now took were more calculated, slow and steady, unlike the thousents of steps he had taken in the haste to get here. For the last few weeks he had been in such a hurry. Now, it seemed like he got here too fast and needed to buy time to collect himself. Really, there was not much to collect, but still it took time. The small fragments would splinter even further if handled to roughly.

He found the sight even more painful then he anticipated. The guards made an all too familiar sight, sleeping in their booth. Izumo and Kotetsu. They didn't seem any older or younger then his first true memory of them.

Shizuka stopped, unable to walk on until this sight had settled in his mind. The gates and the wall, the booth and the guards, the trees and the houses. The life all around him. It all seemed right, normal. It all seemed to be like it had been in his long forgotten happy memories that now came crashing back. It left him breathless and it took time to overcome it. He felt the tremor in his hands worsen, one that had started and hadn't lessened since Hinata had been torn away from them. Like all his friends deaths, it had been a cruel and extended death, but unavoidable. She died as she lived, caring for others and fighting for her place to exist, only to be culled by Madara moments after the battle seemed to have finally found respite. He had cut her deep and then let her fall before disappearing himself. It had been silent, even her scream had been cut off, so it took time, precious seconds that would have been needed to save her, before the realisation that she had been cut down settled in. Sakura poured in more chakra then she could afford in the effort to save her. _Naruto_ had transferred as much as he dared give as well, but even in all their efforts, death was inevitable. His hands coated in blood wouldn't be steady anymore. Every drop spilled after that moment only seemed to enforce the tremor and now his hands were never still.

Izumo awoke and realised that Shizuka was standing not far away. Shizuka watched as Izumo woke up his everlasting companion and pointed towards him. It seemed to break the spell that he had been under and he meandered over to the booth.

Izumo and Kotetsu took in the stranger in front of them. A young male with fiery red and yellow hair. Even in the braid that hung over his shoulder it reached his waist. His eyes seemed to be as much a mix of two colours as his hair was, red and blue dancing around each other with slitted pupils in the middle. For as far as they could see, his face was gaunt, malnurished, and his skin pale and placid. He was all but skin and bones, but with how he stood in front of them it seemed to scarcely bother him. A tattered black scarf covered most of his face. Everything from his mouth down was covered, yet he was barefoot. A katana rested diagonally on his back and a wakizashi horizontally across the small of his back. The daishō was mismatched and the wakizashi had a little decorative bell hanging on the end of it. 

They fired basic questions at him, name, village, his business, but for all the answers they wanted, they only got a blank stare. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what name to give, what village to align to or what he came to do here, now. This wasn't his place, and this wasn't his village. It wasn't _his time._ But he needed to be here, to find a home.

He cocked his head, staring at the men that still pressed him for answers he couldn't give. Izumo and Kotetsu looked at each other once again, before one disappeared and the other seemed to get ready to defend against this unknown threat. 

It took a lot, just standing there, glancing at the village of forgotten memories. With effort he kept his breath steady as the familiar sound of everyday life cut into the depths of his soul, crushing him further. 

Kotetsu was wary, but seemed layed back. The newcomer seemed nervous, so he kept his prying gaze off him. It only took a few minutes for Izumo to return, a Jounin in tow. A very familiar Jounin. Silver gray hair partially covered by a slated headband, hands in pockets and seemingly slouched. _Kakashi._ Shizuka had to avert his eyes from the sight. _Kakashi!_ Alive, breathing, moving. His eye carefully trained on the strange man that did everything to avoid the gaze. 

Kakashi walked up to him, standing a little closer then was usual, but still far away enough to respect the other's space. Shizuka chewed the inside of his cheek, still determined to look away, but curiosity got the best of him. He glanced, raising a hand in greeting. Then he quickly snapped it back to his side. The tremor ever-present making him self-consious. He watched Kakashi cock his head, leaning in a little closer. "Do I know you..?" He drawled. Shizuka shook his head hesitently. Kakashi didn't know him. That feeling cut deeply through him. He was unknown to those he held most dear. They were his precious people, but he wasn't theirs.

He fought tears, but his face remained blank. Trained and hardened over years of war left his face barren of the turmoil on the inside. Kakashi cocked his head again, seeming to reach a conclusion. "Follow me." He said, turned around and walked into Konoha. Shizuka took a deep, silent breath, before setting out after him. 

Silently they made their way through the village. Every street familiar and recognition haunting his mind with every step. Everything was still here. Everything was the same, but non of it was truly _his_. It hurt. It hurt so much to be here again, but at the same time he felt so relieved at the same time.

The route taken was longer than it should have been. Kakashi made an effort to guide Shizuka through the village as if he was giving a tour. Neither spoke, but the soft hum of understanding filled the void and twarted awkwardness from buidling up. It was almost comfortable as they walked on, together.

Kakashi guided Shizuka along practical sights. Shopping district, training areas and official locations. He didn't lead, Shizuka didn't follow. They just walked, side by side. Kakashi wondered why Shizuka seemed so familiar, yet looked around in such wonderment. 

They arrived at the Hokage tower. Kakashi gave a cheeky grin behind the cloth before jumping up to the roof. Shizuka almost smiled and followed. He cocked his head at Kakashi as the man opened the window and entered, not even a knock. Skizuka followed him in. 

He avoided looking at the man behind the desk. Nerves were coiling in his gut, imparing his ability to breath. _Jiji..._ The man that gave him his first experience with death. And it had been _his fault_. 

Sarutobi cleared his throat, demanding his attention. He felt scared, slightly panicked. Trapped. He wasn't ready. He needed time. He didn't want this confrontation yet.

But he needed to face this. It was expected. Taking a deep breath, he raised his eyes, meeting the sparking eyes he so dearly remembered. Shizuka held his ground, suppressing his fear. He nodded towards the old man, who nodded back.

"Shall we start with introductions? I am Sarutobi Hizuren, Third Hokage of Konoha. I assume the man next to you failed to introduce himself on a brilliant feat of laziness. He is a Jounin by the name Hatake Kakashi. Now, who are you?"

Shizuka gave an awkward smile. With a quick motion, he crossed his throat with a finger. Only when Kakashi and hidden ANBU jumped between him and the old man did he realise his stupidity for using that gesture. He help up his hands and pulled down his scarf, revealing the scar running further into his clothing, leaving the severity of it to wonderment.

The Hokage motioned his guards away. "Mute?" Shizuka nodded. Sarutobi slid a piece of paper and a pen to the edge and gestured for Shizuka to come closer.

In elegant handwritting Shizuka wrote 'Heritage: Uzumaki, Bingo book page 3: Shizukana Shi.' As soon as the pen left the paper, the tremor was back and he dropped the pen. With an nervous smile he slid it back.


	6. Home

Apprehensiveness clawed at him. Sarutobi's eyes darted over the paper before it was pushed towards the silver haired man. Both stared at him incredulously.

Shizuka shifted nervously. He knew they knew what was on page 3 of the Bingo book. The reputation he build. The name Uzumaki should also inspire some confusion. An extinct clan. And yet all that remained of the clan always seemed to gravitate to Konoha.

"Uzumaki?" The old man asked. "Well, you do have the red hair for that, in the very least. And I can feel the sheer amount of chakra you have... There is an Uzumaki boy living in our village as well, Naruto, son of Kushina Uzumaki. Any connection?"

Shizuka nodded and placed himself in the role of cousin to Kushine. Enough to be seen as familiar, not enough to be seen as weird when he proved to know nothing about her. "You do look vaguely like her. The boy is eleven now, and should graduate at the end of this school year." The Hokage said, eying him once more. "What brings you here now?" 

_'I need to be home_.' He signed. Kakashi cocked his head at that. Not _a_ home, but _to_ _be_ home. It almost sounded like he was coming back, but with such an outstanding appearance like his, it would have been hard not to have noticed him before. He was younger then Kakashi, so Kakashi should have definitely seen him around. Shizuka had never been in Konoha before.

The pain in Shizuka's eyes as he signed, the need in them, the longing. It struck Kakashi in his very core to see that. It was brief, hidden just as fast as it showed, but he had seen it. It ran deep and was raw, like an open wound that needed mending, time and care to stop it from festering.

 _'I have information for the Hokage's ears only.'_ He signed. He quickly glanced at Kakashi, a little guilty for excluding him. He trusted Kakashi, even this Kakashi that he technically didn't know. Kakashi looked back, his face blank of emotions. Their eyes met, lingered for a second. He found understanding and felt relieved. Then Kakashi walked out, a hand up in goodbye. "Ja ne." And with that he was gone.

Shizuka took a deep breath. Nerves were swirling in hit stomach. Stronger than before. Looking at Jiji didn't make it settle. It flared. A little fear trickled in with it. Fear not to be believed. Fear to be judged. Fear to be rejected. And also fear to be believed.

He recounted. Shaking hands, but if he had a voice he was sure it would be just as unsteady. He started at the beginning. The stolen scroll and Mizuki. _His fault._ Haku and Zabuza. _His fault._ Sasuke being taken. _His fault._ Orochimaru's assault. _His fault_. Azuma's death. _His fault_. Akatsuki's actions. _His fault_. Jiraya's death. _His fault_. Pein and the destruction of Konoha. _His fault_. The start of the fourth Shinobi war. _His fault_. The deaths of his friends. _His fault_. Madara's destruction of the world. _His fault_. No matter how hard he fought the guilt coiling in his soul, it all came back down to him being the reason behind all the pain an suffering in his time. How many times have people told him it was not his _fault_ even if he was the _reason_. But there was no difference. Not to him. Not anymore. Not since the first moment he realised how different it would have been if he had just died at any point in time, how many lives would have been spared and how much suffering would have been prevented just with something as simple as his death. Nights he had lied awake, contemplating why he always survived, why he escaped death while others didn't, why? He never asked for any of this. It was too much. Bearing the world was too much. And yet here he was again, and again he was fully intent on bearing the world.

The retelling was done without emotion. Factual. Accurate. Short, concise and direct. He couldn't handle any more. Even with just facts he was crying soundless tears. Jiji didn't ask him to elaborate for which he was grateful. It would come. Plans needed to be made and steps needed to be taken. More information would follow when needed and that included more details and heavier emotions. Small steps, bite size portions to stop himself from choking.

He also recounted the positive things. The alliance, the rebuilding of Konoha, the saving of Gaara, him becoming the 7th Hokage, getting Sasuke back. But it didn't weigh up against the loss. It didn't lift any of the guilt he carried. Those weren't things he contributed to himself.

Sarutobi listened, studying Shizuka's face for lies, but he had to admit that it was difficult when the person didn't actually speak. There were no indications of any lies, however, and just by the way Shizuka carried himself, certain and confident despite the flowing tears, Sarutobi believed him. It was too fantastical and there were too many details for it to be untrue.

Sarutobi took in Shizuka's appearance once more. The man before him looked utterly exhausted and any trace of his original self had diminished to bare threads, but still he saw the blond boy he loved like a grandson underneath it all. One thing was clear. Shizuka needed rest and Sarutobi was not only willing, but also able to provide that. Going by the time frame given to him in Shizuka's narrative, they had some time before they needed to plan.

What rested now was to establish a believable account on which Shizuka could be added to the ranks and in what capacity. To stay in the village and pass as a Konoha Shinobi, they worked out a back story that was little more then a multi-year extended diplomatic undercover mission of which he just returned. The mission, of course, was top secret, so no details were necassery to make up.

Shizuka was exhausted. He felt himself unsteady on his feet. His eyes were burning. It took all he had to remain standing. Even his mind seemed to agree to the need for sleep for the first time in months. His eyes wandered to the Hokage, a silent plea to be dismissed in them. It was caught without effort and confirmed with a small nod.

"Call Kakashi back in." Sarutobi said, and not long after the door opened Kakashi stepped in. He had apparently stayed, waiting for Shizuka. He lazily strolled back in, noticing Shizuka's red eyes, but didn't comment on it. "Kakashi, can you show our guest around town? I'll notify you with the accommodation details. After evaluation, you can start with missions again, but until then, you have a week off to recover. Dismissed."

Shizuka and Kakashi bowed and took their leave. "Oh, and Shizuka." The Hokage called after them. Shizuka met a closed eyed smile. "Okaerinasai (welcome home)."

After a few seconds, he signed back. ' _Tadaima (I'm home)._ '


	7. Shared Sorrow

Kakashi guided him outside in silence. He walked through Konoha with Shizuka next to him, reading his book. The image was painfully familiar to Shizuka, but also strangely comforting. Fond memories bubbled up faster then he could press them back down. He needed to stay strong, focussed on the mission at hand. " _Stay alive, make it right_." But being next to Kakashi made that difficult. He wanted nothing more than to share his burden and cast part of it onto the strong shoulders of the man who taught him how to bear it.

They walked. Slowly, they made their way to the monument that honoured those that died. Kakashi took the spot he so often occupied, staring at the names of his lost team. Naruto stood beside him, at first unsure, but as his eyes drifted over the smooth surface of the stone, all he could see were the names that would be one day engraved upon it. The names of people unknown to him mixed with those of his friends. It was like the names were burning themselves into the stone from the inside, glowing sharply.

Shizuka closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, tears made their way down his face. He gritted his teeth and tried to hold them back, but it was little use.

Kakashi saw his stare at the blank stone and cocked his head. He could only wonder what his silent companion had on his mind, but the soft shaking of his entire body told him it was deeply rooted and close to the surface, just like he saw before.

Kakashi turned around, so they were shoulder to shoulder, both looking in the opposite direction. He placed his hand on Shizuka's shoulder and felt a shock pass through him.

A dam broke. He sobbed, but was unheard. For the first time, though, he did not go unnoticed. The hand that was on his shoulder extended to be in front of his chest and landed on his other shoulder. He grabbed the arm with both hands and leaned into it. His teeth still gritted he still fought the tears, but Kakashi placed his other arm around his back. "It's alright now." He spoke softly and that was all it took for Shizuka to break completely.

His knees buckled, but Kakashi held him and guided him gently to his knees. He cried like he hadn't done since he was a child and first realised how hated he was in his own village. This was the true first time he let it all out. The frustration, the grief, the guilt, the pain, everything. He screamed without sound. He held on to the strong arm around his neck and took all the strength he could from that.

How much time passed, Shizuka didn't know, but Kakashi held on to him. The silence of understanding hung between them didn't weigh on the situation in the slightest. And for a while, just this moment, nothing mattered. He was free from the burden that was his life and all it took was a hug to relieve him just for that moment.

Shizuka was breathing hard, but he felt the same from Kakashi. A sideway glance told him Kakashi had cried silently with him. For Kakashi's own sorrow and grief, but inspired by his. Shizuka scrunched his brow and wiped away Kakashi's tears. As he did, Kakashi looked up at him and gave a small smile Shizuka couldn't return. He just looked pained for being the cause of the other's tears.

Kakashi nodded and stood up, taking Shizuka's hands to pull him up with him. With a notion of his head, he walked away and Shizuka followed.

Back into Konoha, back into the bustling streets, but somehow Shizuka felt a little lighter and little more able to handle what was around him. Kakashi guided him through the streets again with Shizuka next to him. They walked like they both knew their destination and soon they entered the library. Kakashi strode to the back of the library, a small section set off from the rest creating a small haven of silence and seclusion even within the sanctuary of the library. He picked a book and sat down, reading through it.

Shizuka followed his example and browsed the long line of books until he found the section on fuinjutsu. He took a fair stack and sat down, finally able to search for the answer that he had been looking for. Kakashi eyed the stack, but didn't comment.

Shizuka was so involved in his reading he didn't notice the time pass by. The desk was littered with papers scribbled with notes. Books were marked or placed page down on a specific page for reference and still he read through more books. It wasn't until a tap on his shoulders that he realised he was studying by the light of lamps, and no longer by the light of day. "We should clean up. They'll close soon." Kakashi said in a hushed voice. Shizuka nodded and started stacking his notes, sealing them into a scroll.

Kakashi watched in slight amazement as Shizuka placed the books back in their spot, not a second of hesitation and all in the right place. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that Shizuka was awfully familiar with the books of the library and where they were placed. That, or the man had an extraordinary memory.

After he placed the last book back, he looked at Kakashi and grinned. He was happy with the work he got done and felt a little closer to getting his answer. Kakashi smiled back, nodded and walked on again. They walked through the familiar streets of a residential area that Shizuka recognised as not being that far away from his old home. He looked around a bit nervously. He wasn't ready to face his past self yet.

They took a turn that led away from the high apartment building and entered a street of lower buildings with larger apartments. Kakashi walked up to one door and opened it with a key before he held them up for Shizuka. Shizuka cocked his head, a little confused. "This is your apartment. An ANBU came by to tell us, but I guess you missed that." Kakashi was smirking. Shizuna glared back at him.

Kakashi's smirk changed to a smile, and he grabbed Shizuka's hand. He placed the keys in them and started to walk away. "See you tomorrow, Shizuka." He held up his hand and then disappeared from sight.

Shizuka clutched the keys. The sudden loneliness was a little harder than he expected. He took a deep breath to steady himself and went inside.

The apartment reminded him of Kakashi's. The room was dull and the hardest colour was a vague taupe, but it met the basic needs, kitchen, bed, even a couch and a desk to study at. It was comfortable, but lacked any personality.

He took a seat at the desk and proceeded to unseal the notes he made. For the rest of the night, he worked through them again, trying to find that one piece of information that had eluded him for all those years. 

It was only when he woke up with his face on the desk that he realised he had slept. He didn't remember when he nodded off, but he felt a little less exhausted now. To sleep without being taunted left him feeling rested.


	8. First Steps

Mornings were hard. Even when he did sleep. It was still too early to call it morning. The skies were still dark and the stars were still blazing in full glory. Shizuka walked through Konoha. His destination was a training field he knew wasn't used often. A little out of the way and a little inconveniently placed. With the forest on one side and a steam on the other, the field secluded itself from prying eyes.

He stood in the middle, focussing his mind before starting to move. He struck at invisible enemies, avoided non-existent dangers, dashed through imagined obstacles. It wasn't so much a training as it was a way to get himself to move. To get his blood pumping and his heart beating. One movement flowed into another. Years of training and fighting made the movements instinctual and natural.

At the same time it brought back memories. Of battle, of blood and of death. It added adrenaline, made him feel haunted and made the mock fight feel more real. 

He let his thoughts move him, taking in mistakes of the past and improving upon them. Too caught up in his mind, he didn't notice he had gained an audience shortly after dawn. Kakashi stood crossed armed and leaned against a birch, admiring the dedicated and practiced movement. 

The movements were testimony to the road travelled, Shizuka's past. Kakashi found himself wishing to spar, exchange blows and with that, experiences. He didn't want to break the others concentration however, so he stood, watched and waited.

Another hour past, but it did not feel slow. Shizuka, noticing a presence, suddenly stopped and looked straight at Kakashi. For a second Kakashi thought he looked death in the eyes, but with a blink that was gone. All that was left were the tired eyes of the man he had spent the better part of two weeks with. 

He held up a hand and Kakashi returned the gesture. They met halfway. "Yo, Shizuka. Had any breakfast yet?" Shizuka shrugged, but a growl from his stomach answered more clearly for him. "I haven't taken you to this one place yet. Might as well for breakfast." Every day they had wandered Konoha together and not once had they eaten together yet. Somehow they had ended in the library every time, where Shizuka poured himself into the research of his final and fatal seal.

Shizuka didn't respond. For the last two weeks and during his travels before that he barely ate. During the war it was no different. He had learned to ignore his body's request for such trivialities. "My treat." Kakashi added and beckoned Shizuka to follow him with his head. 

Side by side they walked through familiar streets, in the direction of a familiar restaurant, Ichiraku's. Shizuka fought to control his breathing, not wanting the other to know his troubles. He didn't want to run into his younger self. He had actively worked to avoid that. A glimpse of orange was all he had seen so far. He cringed at the idea of his misguided fashion sense of his young self.

Kakashi sat down at the bar and Shizuka took the seat next to him. Ayame greeted them and gave them the menu. Shizuka took it, happy to have an excuse to keep his eyes away from the shop owners. "You know what you want?" Kakashi asked after a small while. Shizuka steeled his nerves for taking away the security of the menu and nodded, pointing at an item on the menu. Miso chashu ramen. The one thing he had always loved.

Kakashi finished his bowl within a second. Shizuka took small, careful bites and stopped when the bowl was half finished. Kakashi noticed. "You know, you should eat more." Shizuka nodded. He knew that. Of course he did. Tsunade and Sakura had told him often but he never had the stomach to eat much of anything ever since the war started. 

"Well, come on then, the Hokage wants to see us today." Kakashi paid and got up, followed by Shizuka. They strolled through the busy streets to the Hokage tower and this time took the normal route to the office. 

They greeted the old man and stood at attention. "Shizuka, after consideration I'd like to place you at the rank of Jounin and we will start your first mission soon. Kakashi will be joining you. Given the information you provided earlier, you will set out in two days to begin the first step. Consider this mission also your evaluation for being placed as Jounin." 

Shizuka felt excited. _Finally_. Finally it was time to right wrongs, to act on Sasuke's last words. He smirked. It wasn't just that. This mission was with Kakashi. A chance to fight side by side. To know each other on a new level, a new understanding. His gaze met Kakashi's, and Kakashi returned his smirk with a grin of his own, hidden in cloth.

Kakashi saw the determination burning in his eyes. It was a small glimpse into the depths of Shizuka. That was how Shizuka should be. That passion and determination was the epitome of the Will of Fire and it looked right on him.

The two days past agonzingly slow, even in the company of Kakashi. He was restless. He wantes to act, to begin the changes for a better future.

They travelled fast, pushed by Shizuka's need to act. At the end of the day, they stopped in a clearing. Kakashi was breathing hard. Not exhausted, but definitely in need of rest. Shizuka seemed not te be bothered by the travels done.

A tree provided a sheltered place with soft moss to cushion them. They sat next to each other and it did not take long for Kakashi to fall asleep, his weight against Shizuka's arm and his head on his shoulder. 

Shizuka held watch, but the silence and inability to move made him restless. He needed to do something, but the weight against him withheld him from doing anything. He wanted to fidget, do anything, but did not want to wake Kakashi.

After a while Kakashi shifted and ended up with his head in Shizuka's lap. He froze, uncertain what to do, not accustomed to the contact. It offered a little more freedom to move, though, and when Kakashi seemed to sleep through it, Shizuka relaxed again.

Looking around there was only grass within his reach, so he picked the long blades and weaved them together or pulled strips apart. It didn't do anything but pass the time. Kakashi didn't seem bothered by the movement, so Shizuka grew a little more bold. He cast a barrier to contain sound. With one blade of grass between his thumbs, he carefully blew a soft tune, watching for movement from Kakashi. The man was as heavy a sleeper as Shizuka remembered. The tune was simple, just finding the right tones and testing the blade of grass. 

As time went on his song got bolder, a little louder as he poured his emotions into it. He realised this was the first sound he had made since Madara cut into him. The first time he could be heard. It made him realise how much he missed his voice. It made his realise how _alone_ he was. _Isolated, unheard_. His song became slow and low, melancholic with his current mood. When he first realised his voice was gone, he had accepted it as a part of his old self he should not have. Now, he missed the ability to express himself, to call out, to let himself be heard. To be _acknowledged_. It was part of him, anothing thing that was lost forever and he felt grieved for it in this moment. 

Kakashi shifted again to lie on his back. Shizuka glanced down and saw Kakashi had his eye open. He stared up at Shizuka and was completely relaxed. Shizuka didn't halt his song, but there was a change in it. It became stronger, almost happier, because he realised he _was_ heard and he _wasn't_ alone. Even without his voice, he was understood and cared for.

He played for another few minutes before letting the song die down. Kakashi raised his hand after Shizuka dropped his and wiped away a lonely tear Shizuka hadn't noticed. Kakashi's hand was soft as it caressed his cheek and Shizuka closed his eyes at the touch. The contact spoke so much more powerful than any words could ever and erased the grief he felt before.

After a while Kakashi sat up and pulled Shizuka's head into his lap. Shizuka flailed an arm and a leg and struggled a little. "Sleep, idiot." Kakashi chastised when Shizuka kept struggling to get back up. After that he settled down. He didn't sleep, but did relax enough to be close to sleep.


	9. Fighting and Frightening

The field they were standing in was torn asunder. Nature was burned and mutilated beyond repair. Hidan stood opposite Shizuka, and Hidan's eyes were burning with anger. There wasn't much life left in him. Shizuka had worn him out. Despite his immense stamina and his scythe, Hidan had failed to draw blood from his opponent. This meant his most prized technique couldn't be used. Somehow the man knew about Jashin's curse and knew how to stop him from using it. Kazuku was no help. He had his own battle with the silver haired companion of this man.

Shizuka's eyes never left Hidan. The man had killed, or was going to kill, Asuma. Shikamaru had told him about the encounter. Not in great detail. Just enough to know to avoid giving Hidan even a drop of blood. He also knew Hidan couldn't die, no matter what kind of damage was done. Hidan could not be defeated by dismemberment or decapitation. Shikamaru had buried him. Shizuka was going to seal him. Either way, Hidan's future was complete immobilisation in perpetual darkness. Either way, Hidan deserved the future he would get. And Shizuka would not regret.

The seal was hidden in grass and dirt, waiting to be sprung like a trap. Shizuka just needed to lure Hidan into it. Luckily, Hidan's temper intervened with reason and Hidan was more adamant about drawing blood than paying attention. Shizuka taunded and Hidan followed him blindly, stepping on the seal. The seal pulled Hidan inside as soon as he stepped on it. A string of curses left him before all went eerily quiet. Shizuka was breathing hard. It took a lot to seal a living thing. Even more so for such a complicated organism as a human.

Shizuka grinned a bitter grin. One down, so much more to go, but a beginning was made.

A loud crash pulled his attention towards the battle not too far away. Kakashi was halted by rocks after being thrown back. Another scar for the land. Well, at least this one was Kakashi-shaped...

Kazuku launched his fist and Kakashi seemed unable to respond. Shizuka's instincts kicked in hard. _No_! He would not allow Kakashi to be injured. He would not loose Kakashi as well. Or _again_. He needed to protect, to save and preserve every bit that was precious to him. Nothing would stop him. In a flash, Shizuka stood between them, catching the fist in his bare hand. A flash like his father's, but more refined and without the need for markers. He stood in a silent growl, fierce determination burning in his eyes as he stared Kazuku down, daring him to endanger his friend again. The moment it took to get there was also all the time he needed be a soldier again. A killer. A mercenary. A _Shinigami_. His whole body changed with it, longer hair, enlarged canines, sharpened nails. Feral and aggressive.

Kakashi's eyes widened, shocked to see Shizuka the way he was now. The man standing before him seemed wild and dreadful, menacing and all-powerful. This was a man who could crush the whole world and not notice the destruction in his wake. Kakashi had seen the same danger in Shizuka's eyes before, while he was training. It was death, trained and ready. If it wasn't for the trust he felt towards Shizuka, Kakashi would have cowered in fear.

Kazuku did not see what Kakashi so clearly saw with his Sharingan nor did he understand the power behind the will to protect. Unperturbed, Kazuku retracted his fist, giving Shizuka a chance to glance at Kakashi. The look in Shizuka's eyes was utterly defeating. For all the strength Shizuka had, his eyes betrayed insecurity and fright. Shizuka was deathly afraid for what he would find in Kakashi's eyes. Afraid that the silver-haired man would fear him, see him as the _monster_ he truly was, but all Kakashi saw was his fiercely loyal friend protecting him. Shizuka might be able to crush the world, but he tiptoed like a god among men to avoid crushing it without thought.

Kakashi smirked determinately as Shizuka. He watched the dread melt away in Shizuka's eyes. Shizuka visibly relaxed. He was accepted, even in his most devastating form. A simple nod was all it took for Shizuka to know he had free reign. Kakashi recognised his strength, even if it was frightening.

Shizuka drew Kazuku's attention away from Kakashi, forced him to defend and focus on Shizuka alone. Kakashi was by no means incapacitated, but needed some time to recover and re-balanse, and Shizuka was happy to provide it. 

It didn't take long. Within a minute Kakashi was up, and flanked Kazuzu from the opposite angle to Shizuka. It was exhilarated, fighting together. Supporting each other and trusting each other. It was bonding in a way like nothing else could. It made fighting worth while. It gave a purpose to the horrible acts done in battle.

Kazuku was harder than Hidan. Harder to damage and harder to read. They needed to strike his weak points. His hearts. Take _them_ down, take _him_ down. ' _Masks are hearts.'_ Shizuka signed to Kakashi, followed by five fingers. Kakashi wondered how Shizuka could know, but nodded in acknowledgement anyway.

They moved swiftly, synchronized. Kakashi felt like Shizuka moved like they had worked together for many years, yet they met only weeks earlier. Soon Kazuku's chest had been pierces thrice. Twice Shizuka had seen his chance to pierce Kazuku's heart with his Katana and once Kakashi had ran him through with a Kunai. Every time they pierced one, a mask sunk into Kazuku's back, and replaced the heart that was lost. In a way, Shizuka envied the morbid way to heal ones heart, but even if his heart felt heavy and broked, he knew that his pain was emotional and would not go away by replacing his heart. Still, to be able to replace an aching heart, to heal his sorrow and lift his guilt, he could only wish for such a chance.

With the hearts taken down, so did the amount of Jutsu's Kazuku could use. Kazuku's repertoire deteriorated from all basic chakra affinities to just two. Wind and Fire. A powerful combination and now that Kazuku was forced to use just these two, his knowledge proved to be the biggest thread. With as much ease as he fought with all his hearts, he manipulated the remaining elements like he specialized them, using one to amplify the other. Taking hearts hadn't made the fight easier. It had become more difficult.

Difficult, but not impossible. They kept attacking from two sides. Kakashi kept placing himself at Kazuku's back and Shizuka in front. Shizuka's eyes met Kakashi's and both knew it was time to end this. Both charged ckakra into the palms of their hand. Both blue, but Kakashi's was lighning incarnate whereas Shizuka's was a tight ball. Both had their own sound and both were formidable. Almost at the same time they jumped at Kazuku, leaving no room for him to avoid. Shizuka's speed made that impossible.

The Chidori cracked the last mask, sinking into Kazuku's back. The Rasengan tore into his chest, shredding skin, bone and organs alike. Damage greater than even Kazuku could handle was inflicted and left nothing more than another lifeless pile at their feet. Another kill, another burden and another step to right the future.

Kakashi stared at Shizuka. The Rasengan was Minato's creation. As far as he knew, only Jiraya knew about it. Yet here was Shizuka, stranger to Konoha yet accepted by the Hokage with ease and familiar with routes and places within Konoha, and now he proved to know a Jutsu kept secret within the village? Shizuka had secrets Kakashi could scarcely imagine, yet it did nothing to damage his trust in Shizuka. Shizuka was an enigma, but somehow it did not bother Kakashi. It added to him and seemed to belong with him. It didn't stifle Kakashi's curiosity, though. "How do you know the Rasengan?" Kakashi asked, narrowing his eyes at his companion, but without malice.

Shizuka locked eyes with Kakashi for a few seconds. He wanted to tell Kakashi. Keeping the truth away from him felt wrong, but the consequences could be devastating. Not only because he feared to find disbelief with Kakashi, but also for fear that the information might leak and reach those that were meant to be kept in the dark. That included people from the village. He frowned to convey his seriousness. _'Not yet. One day. Trust me?_ ' Kakashi didn't respond immediately, sending Shizuka into a fit of fidgeting worry. His hands wouldn't be still even if they weren't trembling. He focussed on his hands to avoid Kakashi's searching eyes, but that made his tremor worsen. He felt his breath pick up along with a knot in his stomach. He willed himself to still his hands and control his breathing, but was unable to. Not until Kakashi's hands grabbed his. A firm grip that supported him, steadying him. One hand rose to lift Shizuka's chin and their eyes met again. The worry hadn't lessened on Shizuka's face when they did, but soft spoken words made his face break into a genuine smile.

"I trust you."


	10. More Troubles

They were back quick enough. With nothing pushing Shizuka to hurry the travels were light. It was late at night when they returned to Konoha. Shizuka walked to his apartment and Kakashi followed. A report needed to be written. Shizuka didn't want to use signs if he didn't have to. Didn't want to show his tremor, even to those that knew about it and so the Hokage would have to settle for a written report.

Kakashi stopped at the door. Shizuka walked inside without a sign of goodbye and left the door open. After a moment's hesitation, Kakashi followed him inside. 

The apartment was as blank as it had been the first day. Nothing indicated a resident save for the sheer volume of scrolls, notes and books haphazardly stacked onto the desk, the chair and the floor around it. Kakashi had known Shizuka took notes in the library, but not to this extent. Where had he even found the time? Between the time spent together in the library and the time spent together wandering Konoha, it seemed Shizuka must have utilized the nights for study as well. What the blond was biting into, he didn't know. 

The door to the bedroom was ajar, and Kakashi couldn't surpress the urge to peek inside. Much like he expected, the bedroom seemed unused. "Shizuka..." He trailed off, looking at his companion. He was met with a nervous smile and an apologetic scratch behind the head. Kakashi rolled his eyes at him. "If you have trouble sleeping, maybe the hospital can mean something for you. Or Yamanaka-san." Shizuka shook his head, closing his eyes and looked away. 

Kakashi sighed. "Alright." He studied Shizuka for another moment, but the other man had seated himself at his desk, already writing himself a sore wrist to finish the report. "You want some food? I could cook something quick." He offered. Shizuka's shoulders tensed ever so slightly before he shrugged. Kakashi nodded and entered the kitchen. Not unexpected, the cupboards contained little more than instant food of some variety. He didn't comment. Kakashi was just happy to see there was food in the house at all. He did make a mental note to take Shizuka out for food more often. Ramen seemed to be a good option, even if Shizuka had seemed nervous to go there for some reason.

Kakashi placed the cup of instant ramen on the desk and sat himself on the couch with his own. Long after he finished his own Shizuka's cup was still half full. "Shizuka." The scribbling halted and tired eyes met his. "Eat." Determined, but caring, he stared Shizuka down. It seemed to take a moment for Shizuka to realise what Kakashi meant. His gaze moved to the desk and found the forgotten ramen. Shizuka didn't feel like eating, but the stare on the back of his head left little choice.

He picked up the cup and sat back, stirring the content with the provided chopstick. It was luke-warm by now, arguably cold by some standards. He downed in one gulp, cringing as the cold noodles slipped through his throat, but it brought a smile to Kakashi's face which made it worthwhile.

To his regret, it turned out Kakashi had been waiting for him to finish the meagre meal. "Good. I'll leave you to get some sleep. Let's meet tomorrow at eight to turn in the report." Shizuka clenched his jaw to hide his disappointment. He didn't want to be alone. Even if Kakashi were to sleep in his bed with the door closed, leaving him at his desk, it would still be better than being alone. But instead of conveying his feelings, he nodded at Kakashi with a blank expression and got up to open the door.

Kakashi stopped and turned around to face Shizuka. He grabbed Shizuka by the back of his neck, leaning his wrist on his shoulder, looking him dead in the eyes. "You get some sleep, you hear me?" Shizuka swallowed. The intensity and care within that eye was hard to handle. Also hard to deny, and thus Shizuka nodded. Promising something he knew he probably couldn't do yet was going to try his hardest for. "Good. I'll come by to pick you up tomorrow." Kakashi walked away.

Shizuka walked to the bedroom, but did not enter. He closed the door and instead laid down on the couch on his side, facing the backrest. Maybe if he didn't sleep in a room designed for it, nightmares would stay at bay. There was no logic, just some peace of mind. Maybe. He knew it didn't make a difference. He knew he wouldn't sleep. But resting, for however long he could, did make him feel better. Kakashi would have to take this as a promise fulfilled. Sleep kept pulling on him, but he never felt himself slip into it.

He _did_ sleep, though. It was Kakashi's knocking that woke him up. His mind felt groggy, his heart was racing and his breath was fast. It felt like he had been in the beginning of a nightmare, but he was woken before it turned into terror. Thankfully.

Another knock brought him staggering towards the door. His muscles did not agree with being awake, the stiffness in them was making him disbalanced.

"Yo." Kakashi greeted. "You're looking dreadful this morning." Shizuka rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow. The silver haired man carried too much luggage for just reporting to the Hokage. "Time for breakfast." Kakashi said, holding up the unmarked white paper bag, before pushing his way inside. With a sigh, Shizuka followed and went to take a shower.

The shower was short and cold, but did miracles for the cold sweat and sticky hair. He came into the kitchen to find a spread of different foods and a waiting Kakashi. The numerous take-away containers indicating Kakashi stopped at more than one place. "I didn't know what you prefer, so pick your favorite." Shizuka took a little of everything to which Kakashi rolled his eyes. He had hoped to learn the others preference.

Shorty after, they were at the doors to the Hokage's office. Shizuka stopped short, his knuckle hovering over the door in his attempt to knock. Intently listening, he stood absolutely still save for the tremor in his raised hand. The murmured voices Kakashi could barely make out were enough for Shizuka to follow the conversation in detail. 

With every passing second, Shizuka's face settled into a deeper scowl until his eyebrow actually twitched in annoyance. Instead of finally finishing his knock, he kicked the door open and barged with as much sound and bravado his silent body could make. Both elder men startled at the sudden interruption, with Danzo glaring at him mercilessly as a way to recover. The anger and annoyance was gone from Shizuka's face, replaces by a wide smile and happy eyes. It didn't look unnatural on him, but Kakashi couldn't image this expression being genuine. Not now.

With a flourish the report landed on the Hokage's desk before Shizuka turned around and returned the glare. He had forgotten about Danzo, hadn't shared information on the man with Jiji yet. An oversight, but hopefully with minimum consequences.

"Who are you?" Danzo asked, scrutinizing the odd-looking man.

"This man is Uzumaki Shizuka, nephew to Uzumaki Kushina." Sarutobi introduced him. "He is consulting me on some matters and attending to them as well." 

Danzo turned his attention to Sarutobi. "Is it really wise to trust such a stranger? Do you have any grounds to believe anything he says?"

"I do." Sarutobi answered simply, but Danzo didn't lighten up.

"Maybe I should be involved in that judgement. And in that of our other Uzumaki. I implore you again, Sarutobi, to give me the boy for training. It'll be better for us all to have more control." Danzo insisted. Shizuka cocked his head. He never realised Danzo had been after him, but in retrospect that was logical. Still, it didn't sit well with him. The power hungry basterd had no limits in what he would do and it seemed only Sarutobi had protected him from a fate similar to Sai's.

He glared at the man again. Hard enough to gain Danzo's attention. "I image you disagree as well? Everyone always does, but in interest of keeping our village powerful, we need to have complete control over the _Jinchuuriki_." Danzo watched to see if there was surprise on the newcomer's face, but there wasn't.

Instead, Shizuka raised his hand, pointed at Danzo, hit the back of his left hand against the palm of his right, followed by forming a W with his left fingers while grabbing his left thumb with his right hand. He then proceeded to point a thumb over his shoulder to indicate he wanted Danzo to leave. In essence, he signed 'Danzo, you piece of shit, get out.' with a stone cold, serious expression. Kakashi watched wide eyed, before choking on a laugh, Sarutobi had trouble keeping a straight face as well and Danzo turned several shades of red, sputtering at the insult.

Without giving Danzo another look, Shizuka proceeded to make his report to the Hokage with the same big smile as before. Only when Sarutobi acknowledged Shizuka's rude request and asked Danzo to leave did the man leave the room, but not without a grudge. Shizuka explained after that what Danzo had done to earn such treatment from him. The uncovering of the Root and the Sharingan collection of Danzo was enough for Sarutobi to make plans to halt the operations that he never sanctioned. He would not be sorry to see Danzo fall.


	11. Discovery

Shizuka was appointed Jounin, much like expected, meaning now Kakashi wanted him to join him in meeting the other Jounin. The idea made him nervous. Until now, he had avoided as much contact as possible with everybody he had known before. But if he was to meet with his past, he much preferred it to be the Jounin he had known less than any of the Rookies he had been so close to.

But faith gave him a little time and did so in a cruel manner. Shizuka had rather faced the dread of his past than Kakashi taking on a month long mission, but that is what happened. Gone on a mission with _his_ team, leaving Shizuka to try and fill the endless days alone. Days that only seemed to become longer and more tedious with each passing hour.

Shizuka had asked and then begged for missions to fill his time, but Sarutobi hadn't given in to his begging. What Shizuka wanted were the missions to piece another part of the future together, but Sarutobi found it too risky to sent Shizuka out alone for tasks of that importance. Because of the secrecy another team member was ruled out as an option as well. There were smaller missions, and Shizuka did them with diligence, but those failed to occupy his time long enough to distract him. And without distraction he was left to his own thoughts. And those were loud.

At night it became clear to him just how loud his thoughts were. In the silence of the night he had no escape from his memories that literally lived around him. Memories that were playing out as he layed in bed in silence, staring at the ceiling. Moments he didn't want to remember mixed with moments of precious times, tumbling over each other in his mind and blurring together, making it hard to grasp the right strings to keep himself from falling. He missed those precious times and those people. He missed them so much it hurt.

Then day would break. The world would fill with noise that would slowly break up the turmoil in his mind, drawing him out of his cage of misery and back to reality. Time was unforgiving and lasted too long now. Other moments would come where time would pass too fast. The worst thing was that, even if it felt like an eternity, Kakashi had only been gone a week. It would be at least three more before he would return and Shizuka could only try to hold on until then.

Even during the day his thoughts were too loud, and so he drowned out the world and the passing of time at the libraby at every available moment, digging through books on Fuuinjutsu like he had done in all his free time, but without the restriction of Kakashi, Shizuka had no break on how much he poured himself into it.

And he had found it. His answer. He knew before, but each time his findings led him down the path to _this_ conclusion, he had recoiled from it and denied it. It had been the cold where he was the exposed nerve, trying to avoid it. After all, it couldn't have been. There needed to be something wrong within the seal, but nothing in any of the books he had sought out indicated such a thing. Time and time again he followed a new lead, a new detail that might have led to the disastrous consequences of his actions, but each lead had led him to the conclusion that the seal hadn't been faulted.

He'd read about how one element could work against another, but in all cases he had compensated for it already with another element. He had studied the positioning of the elements to see if that had reacted wrongly, but that lead to nothing as well.

The seal wasn't faulty. He knew this. He already knew this, but still wanted and needed to deny it with everything he had. The bitter truth was that Sasuke had used the seal successfully, unaltered and without proper knowledge about the seal, so there was no denying the seal was valid. His frantic work throughout the nights had let him in all directions, but only one conclusion. A cold and bitter truth that left his core aching and his heart bleeding in a renewed pain. The seal wasn't broken, there was nothing wrong with it. It was _him_. _His fault._ His miscalculation in the use of his chakra, destabilised by Kurama and too fluctuating for this delicate seal and intricate webbing of elements.

Despite all the years spent on learning how to control and work with Kurama's volatile chakra, it hadn't been enough to stop irratic chakra from spilling out of him. Add to it exhaustion and the fact he had been tapping into Kurama's chakra more heavily and it should have been clear it wasn't going to go as it should have.

And now he sat in the library, staring at a page that blatantly spelled out for him his guilt and he was in anguish. Tears streaked down his face and his breath came too hard and too fast. His vision blurred from his tears. He had dropped his pen and clutched his hands to his stomach. Not just for the tremor, but also for the nausea that was slowly intensifying. All he wanted to do was rip the book apart, and all the other books that led him to this conclusion and even the shelves they had stood upon.

But he couldn't move. His whole body was tense to a point where every move hurt and as he sat there, the space around his seemed to diminish. Everything was pressing down on him and suffocate him. Despite his elevated level of breathing, no air seemed to make it's way into his lungs. No oxygen was reaching his brain, leaving him dizzy and unable to focus. The world was muffled and far away, yet at the same time, even the ticking of a clock was deafening, each second a bang in his mind making him feel trapped and hunted and only adding to his stress knowing that every second passed was a second closer to the future he despised.

How much time passed he didn't know. Only when someone dropped a book and the sound from that made him jump up did he find himself unable to stay where he was. The library was too small, too pressing and he needed space. In the same hazy mist his mind had been thrown in he made his way outside.

As soon as the fresh air hit his face, he jumped to the rooftops and bolted for the one place that he always fled to when he was younger. The stone head of his father. The moment he sat down he broke down crying, his silent heaves and sobs went unheard to anyone, but the world around him cried with him as the skies broke into a downpour. The bitter cold of the rainwater did little to stifle his sorrow. It just gave him a reason not to hold back. The only thing that repeated in him mind over and over again was that is was his fault.

Sai's death had been _his_ _fault_. When it was the seal that was faulty, it was more bearable. It required knowledge that wasn't readily available. It was explainable why it failed, since there was no verification. But he should have known his Chakra wasn't suited for the seal. In his own pride he had not wanted someone else to use what took him so long to make, even when they offered. In his selfishness he hadn't wanted anyone to carry the burden if something was to go wrong, even though he was already carrying too much. And in his stupidity he hadn't listened to the worries of others, even though they had been valid. And now he knew without a doubt it was his fault. His fault. His _fault_. _His_ fault. His guilt, his punishment, his burden. Too much, so much too heavy, crushing him and cutting into his soul.

It _hurt_. And _ached_. And _burned_.

And nobody heard his silent pleas as he sat in the rain with his body slowly going mumb in the cold and his mind unable to work through it all.

It was when his body became so numb his mind had no choice but to follow that he found a little respite. Blackness pushed its way into his mind and dragged him into a bliss, unconsciousness, at least for a while. He welcomed it, let himself get swepped away by it, just to escape it all for a moment.


	12. Present Past

The room he woke up in was too bright. The beeping beside him was too loud. The shuffling of feet around his bed was too persistent. It forced him to wake up with its relentlessness when all he wanted was to remain within the ignorance of sleep.

But it was warm and comfortable. He felt relaxed as he lay against the soft fabric of a pillow. He wasn't cold or sore and his mind felt tranquil and pleasantly groggy. If life and reality didn't slowly trickle in through the cracks of his sleepiness and haziness, he would have gladly layed there for as long as possible. 

"Oh, good, you're awake." A female voice cut through the silence, chasing away the last strands of sleepiness and replacing it by wariness. Realisation set in he was in a strange room with a strange person and in an unknown situation. He had been unaware, even if it was just for a moment. Enough cause for worry by any standard, but for him reason to be on the defence. It felt dangerous, even though he already knew it wasn't. Instincts from the war, enhanced by the previous night, spiked and he threw a dangerous glare to the woman.

The woman noticed, stopping her approach. She looked at him in silence as he glared at her, daring her to step closer. She had been a nurse for Shinobi for so long she recognised the panic of unfamiliarity and knew to be careful in her approach. 

There was something more in this man's eyes, though, something feral, making her more wary. It was untamed and with that unpredictable. She had to steel herself not to back away from the fierce glare. 

After gathering courage, she took a small step forwards, making sure he could see her hands clutching the clipboard. "You are in the hospital. An ANBU found you unconscious on top of the monument of the fourth in the pouring rain. You were hypothermic." She explained, hoping to settle some of the worry. She expected confusion for her statement, but was met with understanding.

He nodded. Shizuka remembered, the reason he fled to the monument, the cold overwhelming him. There was no need to wrack his brain, something the nurse took notice of. Hypothermia often set in with the patient unaware, since the symptoms settled in slowly and the mind became confused. More often than not the victim registered little more that the feeling of wanting to sleep and succumbing to that.

"I'll go get the doctor now." The nurse said and left the room, leaving Shizuka free too look around. The room was strangely familiar and it wouldn't surprise him if he learned this was one of the rooms he had frequented in his youth. It was on the ground floor and looked out into the small courtyard the hospital had.

He sat up, stretching limbs and, when he found nothing too out of order, started quickly pulling all the wires and tubes out of him. He left through the window, leaving an empty room to be found by the hospital staff.

Shizuka walked the streets of Konoha on his way to Ichiraku's. He avoided eye contact with everyone and took back alleys to find his destination. 

Ayame recognised his from his few visits with Kakashi. With a smile she offered the usual and he accepted with a nod. He didn't know why he went here, just that he did. Food was the last thing on his mind, but the familiarity and memories were soothing in way. 

His musings were disrupted by the arrival of an orange clad boy, who sat down dejected in the seat next to his. He tensed, but otherwise ignored the newcomer. Ayame turned to the boy with the same smile with which she served Shizuka. "Hey, Ayama-nee..."

"Naruto, are you alright?" She asked. Shizuka turned away from the conversation. The kindness brought him a warm feeling and an ache of longing. This had been his, but it was lost to him now. This was one of the things he missed so dearly.

"Not really, school didn't go so well today..." Naruto said in a dejected voice. Shizuka blocked the rest out. The little appetite he had was gone.

Ayame was enough for Naruto to slowly cheer up and become his loud self again. Shizuka stirred the content that was left in his bowl and sighed. He didn't remember this particular visit to Ichiraku; there had been too many like this. But that didn't mean he didn't remember the feeling. The loneliness and desperate need for being acknowledged. How often had he wished for someone to see him, take an interest in him just because he was him? But nobody did for a long time. Too long. The damage of his childhood had left wounds that lasted up until even now.

He remembered clinging to small acts of kindness, like Ayame and Teuchi did for him so often, and knew any act would leave a lasting impression. He wondered if it was within his rights to meddle in the life of Naruto, but concluded it would do little good. In the worst case, it would end like _Hitori_. Another bound of unwanted memories swept though his mind at the thought of Hitori and made him want to escape, the small shop suddenly too confining.

Getting up, Shizuka pulled enough money out of his wallet to also cover Naruto's bill. Ruffling the boy's hair, he placed the money on the counter and left without looking back. Loud questions were fired after him, but he left them ignored. 

Shizuka wandered through Konoha again, without destination and lost in thought. He was followed, but let it be. There was no threat in it, just curiosity. If he still remembered his old self correctly, boredom would take over soon enough. 

Shizuka joined the mundane trod of shopping citizens, letting himself get swept away in the movement of the masses walking down the streets in the shop district. The progress was slow due the obstructions stalls created by enticing shoppers to stop and look. The goods varied from every-day items to extraordinary feats in art and skill. 

He browsed, along with everyone else. A few pieces of weaponry caught his attention, but non were an improvement on his current gear, so he left them. It was nice, the normalcy of it all. It helped settle his mind and after the turmoil of yesterday, he needed it. The stinging pain hadn't lessened, and by all likeliness it would come back hitting hard after the sun disappeared and the silence of the night took over, but for now it was manageable.

Naruto no longer followed him, much to his relief, giving him back some freedom he didn't know he was missing. With that, he took the the roofs, quickly making his way to the Hokage to report his findings on the seal. 

Sarutobi was patient, watching Shizuka make his slightly erratic report on the seal. He saw the hidden truth, the importance the findings had for Shizuka, and the mental strain it seemed to have on him. But Shizuka didn't mention why, so Sarutobi didn't ask. He felt that if Shizuka needed to talk about, be it for him personally or for the sake of their future cause, Shizuka would come to him on his own. Maybe it was wrong not to, but it felt equally wrong to force the silent man to remember what he seemed to fight so hard without proper reasons.

It also didn't escape him that Shizuka looked to be well rested, more than he had seen him before, but again he did not ask. "How have you been?" He asked instead trying to steer the conversation towards a personal level naturally. The answer was little more than a shrug, covering the flash of sorrow Shizuka so often showed and the question was then pushed aside by the ever-returning request for more missions. 

Sarutobi sighed. Each time Shizuka came to his office, this discussion seemed to be on repeat. But Sarutobi wouldn't budge, and Shizuka accepted the decision even if it was reluctantly. As always, it ended with a different kind of mission. To pass time more than anything, but in some way this one did tied into the future they were working on. It was a nightly retrieval mission for incriminating information on the ROOT. 

Shizuka smirked. Dealing with that damned bastard was a good way to pass time and, if everything played out right, a chance to save Sai years earlier, along with the others.

It was simple, in and out, remain unseen and take only what was requested. And as it was said, so it was done. But with a little detour. Shizuka could not resist temptation to temper with a few things, guaranteeing a day of bad luck for Danzo without it being too obvious it was deliberate.

He smirked as he disappeared, information firmly in hand and just slightly disappointed he wouldn't be there to see Danzo discover the mess.

There was a lot of information to sort through, and Shizuka happily left it all to Sarutobi in favor of a trip to the library. With the way he left, apologies were in order.


	13. Desperate Grasp

Kakashi was in a hurry. He was a week late returning from his mission. His teammates were more than exhausted, yet he still urged them to hurry in his own need to get home. A feeling of something being wrong had settled in his gut about three days before they should have been back, a week and a half ago now. But he had prioritized finishing the mission, knowing the importance of it for the nation's peace and having no tangible reason to trust his gut.

Now that the mission was done, his personal feelings came to the forefront. It wasn't outside the mission's priority to be home as soon as possible, but the feeling of dread in his gut drove him to higher speeds.

Each time his team cried out for rest, he'd pace back and forth until they could no longer stand it and they moved on again. He heard their complaints and understood them, he himself was also near exhaustion, but unlike his teammates he felt a need to get home fast. Staying still felt wrong. It felt like every moment he didn't move towards home was the moment he could end up being too late, yet he didn't have a true explanation behind it all.

A day's travel out and the familiarity of the forest eased his turmoil slightly, but not enough to slow him down. They rushed the day away, skipping lunch and other small breaks they would normally take.

"Inu-taicho, when do we break for the night?" Neko asked, his voice little more than gasps and pleas.

"We're not." Kakashi answered shortly without looking back. They were eight hours away from Konoha and he refused to stop now for something as trivial as rest or sleep. To sit through an entire night once more was beyond what he could bare now that they were so close. The rest of the team remained silent. The sun had already set and to complete the journey now would mean to travel until dawn at the very least.

They had questioned Kakashi why, but he couldn't answer, since he himself didn't quite understand it either. Now that Kakashi had voiced his wish to finish their travel in one go, they knew he wouldn't change his mind, so they settled for the slightly decreased speed Kakashi dropped down to, grateful for at least that bit of mercy from their captain.

Landing at the gates, his team members sagged through their legs, unable to handle the sudden stop in motion after going through the pain limit and running on pure willpower for the better part of the night. Kakashi stood in front of Kotetsu and Izumo. Both stood up in a start, standing at attention for the new arrivals. It was worrying, the way they snapped up with a mixed expression of worry and relief at the same time. It strengthened the twisted feeling in Kakashi's gut and drew the attention of his team, even through their exhaustion.

"Inu-san!" Kotetsu almost yelled. "The Hokage has asked us to send you straight to him. The report for the mission can wait. He wants to speak with you in all due haste."

Kakashi nodded. This didn't make him feel any better. "I'll call you when I'm ready to report." He told his team members and disappeared in a swirl of leafs, not sparing them a single glance. The fact that the Hokage wanted to speak with him, even before reporting the mission, made his gut knot in ways he didn't think possible. It was almost enough to take away the possibility of breathing.

Skipping the politeness of knocking, he appeared directly in the office of the Hokage, startling everyone present. After recognizing the invader, the ANBU lowered their readied kunai and disappeared again. Sarutobi sat back down, a grave look on his face. "Kakashi, finally..." He breathed out.

"What happened, what's wrong?" Kakashi asked. He all but kept himself from walking to the desk and slamming his hand down, demanding to know what the source of his unease was. Instead he stood stiffly, his muscles ready to bolt at any moment, the tremor of exhaustion replaced by one of adrenaline fueled by fear.

"Before I tell you, you need to promise to let me finish speaking before you disappear. I know that will be hard, but it is better that, when you go, you know everything." Sarutobi said, looking Kakashi straight in the eye to convert the seriousness of the situation. Kakashi nodded.

"I believe Shizuka has fallen ill. When you had just left he came to ask for missions almost daily, but after two weeks that became less and less until two weeks ago he didn't come at all anymore. Last time I saw him I thought he would pass out at any moment with how pale he was and how tired he looked. He wanted a mission, but I refused him. He did not seem equipped to handle a mission, but I think I inadvertently made things worse." Sarutobi stopped to take a deep breath. Kakashi stood still, waiting for Sarutobi to continue so he could dismiss him. His heart clenched at the idea of Shizuka suffering alone from whatever was going on.

Sarutobi gave him a worried look. "Kakashi, he isn't letting anyone near him. He refused to go to the hospital, convinced they wouldn't be able to help. I've sent ANBU to retrieve him, but despite getting an answer, he doesn't actually open the door. He is refusing to do anything but acknowledge the fact he is still alive. I worry for his health, mental more than anything, but he must also be physically ailing. And, Kakashi, I think you might very well be the only that can help him at this moment." The air was tense in the room. Kakashi was ready to move, but still waited for the dismissal. Sarutobi looked at him for another moment before he spoke again.

"I suggest you bring food with you. I have a feeling he's going to need it. Have someone from your team make the report. You're dismissed for two weeks. I suggest you make the most of it."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Before the words were even fully spoken, Kakashi was gone, leaving a lingering tension and silence in the office.

Like so many times before, Kakashi stood in front of Shizuka's door with paper bags, only this time he carried fresh ingredients instead of take-away meals. He rose his free hand to knock on the door, but the door flew open before his knuckle could land. All he saw was a flying mop of blond and red that landed square against his chest, lean arms snaking around his chest and a face burried in his neck.

The bag of groceries fell and was left forgotten in favour of returning the hug with equal fierceness. He placed his arms around Shizuka's schoulders and burried his nose in his hair, humming slightly and placing delicate kisses that should have gone unnoticed, but the soundless whimper told him Shizuka had felt him, and accepted them with a desperate need. It worried Kakashi Shizuka felt hot to the touch, but those were worries for later.

They stood like that for a few moments, savouring each others company, when Kakashi moved back and looked down, an attempt to see Shizuka's face, but Shizuka was so tightly glued to his neck, he couldn't see anything but his blond hair. "Hey." He said softly. "I'm home." He added.

Shizuka nodded in his neck, clung to the back of his shirt with renewed urge with one hand and brought the other back to cup Kakashi's cheek, his thumb in front of his ear and his finger dug into Kakashi's hair. His breathing was uneven and came with short bursts, telling Kakashi the man in his arms was crying and it took a lot not to join in.

It took another moment for Shizuka to collect himself again. He pushed back a little and glanced up at Kakashi with tear-stricken eyes and a small smile. With reluctance he pulled his hands back. ' _Don't leave me again_.'

"I won't." Kakashi answered, returning the small smile, and pulled Shizuka towards him again. "I'll always come back. I promise." Shizuka nodded and relaxed into his arms, holding on to the front of his shirt and sighed in relief. Kakashi wrapped his arms around him, wincing when he felt the skin and bones underneath the shirt, but that didn't stop him from holding on Shizuka tightly.

Shizuku leaned in more heavily, but Kakashi didn't mind. Despite his exhaustion, Shizuka was never a burden too heavy. He smiled as he kissed the top of Shizuka's head once more, unafraid after his first kisses being accepted. A silent moan left Shizuka at the feeling and he sank against Kakashi more heavily once more. Kakashi chuckled, recognising the change in Shizuka's breathing into the steadiness of sleep.

He brought Shizuka to bed, sorted the groceries away and returned to the bedroom. Shizuka has turned to face the wall, almost clinging to it, and Kakashi took the space behind him, wrapping his arms around Shizuka once more. "Sleep tight." He whispered and finally let his body find the rest it needed as he joined Shizuka in sleep.


	14. Time Away

Shizuka woke up alone. His mind lingered on the happenings of the morning. Kakashi came home. Moreover, he came to Shizuka immediately. A smile tugged at his lips, but it dropped quickly. Kakashi had probably gone home. Why wouldn't he? Five weeks away, and Shizuka fell asleep on him. He felt a strange kind of disappointment. Loneliness.

A wave of nausea hit him, forcing him to stagger to his feet and make his way to the bathroom with haste. His stomach was empty save for some bile, making the heaving painful.

Hands found his hair and pulled it back for him. He glanced at Kakashi, surprised but grateful to find him still with him.

He sat back, leaning against the bathtub and just breathed for a while. Kakashi gave him water and started the shower for him. "Get yourself clean. I'll be around." He said and left Shizuka alone.

The cascading water almost hurt on his skin, but it did feel good to wash away the cold sweat.

When he left the bathroom, he smelled the cause of his sudden nausea. Kakashi must have been cooking, but unlike before, now it smelled enticing.

He stumbled to the kitchen and sat down with his head slumped on the table. It didn't take long for Kakashi to place a bowl of clear broth in front of him as he also sat down, watching Shizuka.

He didn't want to eat, afraid he would be sick again, but Kakashi's persistent gaze drove him to move. He grabbed the bowl, but only stared at it again. "My father used to make this when I was sick. I promise it'll make you feel better." Kakashi said, leaning his elbow on the table and his head on his hand.

With a deep breath he picked up the bowl and brought it to his lips, gratefull it was only half-full for otherwise his tremor would have caused him to spill the content.

The warm savoury liquid settled his stomach better than he expected. Kakashi had been right. It felt good to finally have something in his stomach again after almost two weeks and together with the shower he felt refreshed. Still sick, but at least clean and fed.

Kakashi placed a hand on his forehead. "You should go to sleep. You're burning up." Shizuka nodded, but didn't move. He closed his eyes and leaned against Kakashi's hand, relishing the cool feeling of it. "Come on." Kakashi pulled him to his feet and Shizuka let it happen, finding support with Kakashi he never knew before. Care for _him_.

A few days were past like that and Shizuka regained strength. Still he needed more to fully heal, but at least he no longer felt truly weakened. Kakashi seemed glad with his progress and decided to take Shizuka away. Just a few days, just the two of them. A small break, away from the village, in the rest and peacefulness of an onsen. He knew a small one that would give them the seclusion he sought.

If they had ran, it would have only been a few hours away, but they walked instead, taking most of a day, strewn with short breaks, to reach their destination. Shizuka's eyes widened before he smiled. The onsen was wrapped in high rocks, hidden from view save for the entrance. "I hope you like this." Kakashi said. "But it looks like you do." He added when he saw the smile.

They were the only patrons. The three other rooms sat empty, being out of season for this time of year, given them more privacy than expected.

The waters were warm and healing. Shizuka was in the water before Kakashi. As soon as the waters washed over him he sighed in relief and relaxed. He laid face down against a warm rock, propped out of the water till halfway down his back. Leaning his head on his arms, he all but drifted off to sleep within the warm comfort.

The splashing of water drew his attention, but knowing it to be Kakashi, Shizuka didn't look up. It didn't take long for Kakashi to sit next to him, facing the other way. It was silent, other than the moving waters and the rustling wind and for the first time in a very long time, Shizuka felt truly content in the moment. He felt _happy_.

He felt Kakashi glance at him, studying his skin that was above the water. He turned his head and opened one eye. Kakashi sat close. And _without mask._ Shizuka averted his gaze, feeling the heat settle on his face, hoping Kakashi didn't notice his reaction.

Kakashi turned to him and pulled the hair out of his face, and Shizuka turned his head to face him again, now a little more prepared for the sight presented to him. Kakashi smiled at him and he smiled back.

Kakashi's eyes drifted from his face to his arm. He was looking at a scar and, after a second of doubt, placed his hand on it, trailing over the outline of it with his thumb. Shizuka stiffened under his touch, but it didn't take long for him to relax once more. He did not mind Kakashi's touch.

He didn't remember the origin of that scar, somehow. Maybe it was because he gained too many in too short a time span. Maybe he had at some point chosen not to remember. It didn't matter. It was there. Among others.

Kakashi moved again, drifting to be behind him. One by one, Kakashi touched and outlined every scar above water until he was on the other side of Shizuka and Shizuka let him. He felt bare and vulnerable underneath Kakashi's touch and gaze, but didn't mind that as much as he thought he would. He might feel bare and vulnerable, but he also felt _safe_.

Memories of how he attained the scars popped into his mind, but didn't grasp at him as they normally did. He wondered why it would be so different now than any other time, but when he felt bare lips press against one of them, he was strongly reminded of the fact that it was Kakashi that brought him peace of mind. Ever since the first moment they met as _Shizuka_ and Kakashi, Kakashi has had that effect on him, but Shizuka had never been able to place the reason why.

It took a lot not to flinch away from the sudden action, but that didn't stop him from turning a little to look at Kakashi a little shocked. He swallowed, not certain how to act or react to this, but also not wanting Kakashi to stop. Kakashi smiled small smile at him and stroked the hair out of his face. "Is it alright?"

Shizuka, for a moment, was stunned he was being asked for permission to be touched, but nodded after a moment nonetheless. Kakashi nodded back and placed his hand against the scar on Shizuka's cheek. He followed the scar as it crossed Shizuka's throat, grimacing at the idea of the severity that would leave such a scar on such a delicate place. When his fingers traveled farther down, Shizuka turned so he could keep going, see it all. Nothing _hidden_. Not now, not this moment.

Kakashi stopped at the water's edge and looked up. "How far does it go?" He whispered, like he was afraid to take away from the moment by breaking the silence. Shizuka gave a pained look at the memory and stood up, stopping when the water was just short of his hip where the scar ended. Kakashi grimaced again, in empathy and sympathy.

Kakashi placed his hand on Shizuka's hip and moved his hand up. He was surprised to find the muscles underneath intact, strong and hard, flexing under his touch. He moved his hand across Shizuka's chest again, feeling the slightly elevated breath, before his hand softly landed on Shizuka's throat once again. "I wish I could hear your voice." He said in little more than a whisper. He really longed to hear Shizuka's voice. Even just once.

Shizuka lowered himself back into the water and moved back a bit. ' _Me too.'_ He signed, and started slowly swimming backwards, away from Kakashi to the deeper end of the pool, but he never took his eyes off the man.

Kakashi waited a moment, afraid he touched a sensitive subject by stating his wish. He could see hurt on Shizuka's face, but not for what he said. It was for a shared wish that would never be fulfilled.

Kakashi followed and Shizuka kept slowly swimming back until his back was against the artificial half circular wall where the water flowed over into the next pool. The water pressed him against the wall. Kakashi placed his arms on either side of him to keep himself from being pushed against Shizuka.

For a moment they stared at each other, both stuck in a want for more, but not the courage to move. Kakashi was the first to move, raising a hand and gently brushing hair out of Shizuka's face again and leaned in slightly. Shizuka's cheeks burned at that, his breath slightly fast.

The colouring of his cheeks made Kakashi back up, looking worried. "Are you too hot? If you are, we should get out." He said concerned. Shizuka shook his head, but Kakashi backed away a little more anyway, giving him space to breath. "Let's go cool down anyway, just to be sure." He held out his hand for Shizuka, who grabbed it and let himself get pulled along.


	15. Next Step

It helped a lot, Kakashi's attention. Not just physically, but mentally as well. He loves spending time together. It felt like it made anything possible, even a future without death and war. It brought motivation, and courage. And hope. 

Where he didn't dare embrace it before, Kakashi pushed his doubts aside and replaced them with genuine hope for happiness. And peace, for as far as that was possible. He was disillusioned from complete peace a long time ago. Peace was not a true state of being in a world where everyone had an opinion and those in power would risk life and limb of themselves and others to see theirs as truth and righteous. 

Shizuka understood. Living side by side without war was possible only as long as both sides were satisfied with what they had, and that was something not meant to last. Envy, jealousy and entitlement were firmly part of any country, thus there was no option for eternal peace. That wouldn't stop him from seeking peace, from trying to create a balance, maybe even enough to safeguard at least a few generations.

But that future was far away, and only time would tell if this future would even have a place for him, or if time itself would intervene in his wrongful presence in this time. Right now though, with his mind pondering questions nobody should be thinking about before breakfast, he was enjoying the fact that, once again, he woke up wrapped in Kakashi's secure arms. Shizuka slept, he had found out, when Kakashi was near. Nightmares were more scarce as well. And actually sleeping worked miracles on his physical condition. More than he thought. 

"You know, it looks like you're hurting yourself when you think this much. I can hear your brain trying to work out... whatever is going on in that head of yours..." Kakashi said in a raspy morning voice, whispered against his skin. Shizuka rolled his eyes and got out of bed, earning a groan of protest from Kakashi that he left ignored.

It wasn't long after Shizuka was recovered that he stood in the office of the Hokage again, pressing for a new mission, with Kakashi as incentive to agree. With no more valid arguments against it, Sarutobi gave in. Infiltrate Amegakure, and learn the current situation. Details were vague, since Jiraya died and information never really reached Naruto, only of his death. So now they needed to know the current state of rule. 

A portent feeling hung in the air as they watched the movement below. They stood atop a tower in the rushing rain, watching people scurry about on the streets below. There seemed to be no social gathering spot. At least not without a criminal element. It mattered little for the answers they sought, but it made infiltrating more risky and thus they needed to plan more. 

Mingling among thugs wasn't as hard as Shizuka thought. Kakashi took the role of a rich merchant passing through and Shizuka was to act as his infatuated drunk toyboy. Begrudgingly he had to admit Kakashi was right when he said Shizuka looked remarkably fitting in the role given to him. The low-riding skin-tight pants and the loose-fitted turtleneck crop-top seemed to accentuate all his movements into something seductive, whether he tried to be or not. He hated the bare skin, specifically the scar, but since Kakashi had already seen the full extent he could tolerate it being bared.

The bar they ended up in was an illegal gambling den, where neither Kakashi nor Shizuka felt out of place in their roles. The lascivious gazes prickling on his skin just confirmed Kakashi's assessment from earlier and that did not make him any more comfortable. 

A small group gathered around them as Kakashi gambled money without regard for his losses, buying expensive drinks for Shizuka and rounds for the people lingering around him. It gained attention, hopefully from the right persons.

Shizuka drank, and despite the alcohol having virtually no effect on him, he upped his act with each drink accordingly. From just sitting next to Kakashi with the occasion soft touch to Kakashi's arms, he now went in for clinging to Kakashi's arm, trying to pull Kakashi's attention in any way and letting his hands wander over Kakashi's leg, getting bolder each passing drink. 

A man with an air of authority sat down at the table beside them. "You got a quiet one on your arm." He remarked, leering past Kakashi at Shizuka. 

"Hmm? Oh, yes, he is." Kakashi answered, pulling his gaze away from the game to meet the man's eyes for a second, before quickly returning his attention back to the game. It irked the man. It probably did not befit his status to be easily ignored. 

"What brings you to this town?" The man pressed, avid about gaining Kakashi's attention. 

Once again Kakashi looked up like it was hard to break his attention from the game. "Business, what else? But tonight I'm just out for some fun. Business will have to wait until morning." 

"You picked an interesting place for both business and fun. This town in known for neither." The man said, narrowing his eyes at Kakashi.

"There is always some business to be found, and fun just depends on your definition of it." Kakashi answered, throwing an arm around Shizuka's waist and pulling him closer to which Shizuka giggled a little and then swooned over the attention given to him. The man smirked at them and raked his gaze over Shizuka once again. 

"So what's the story of this one?" The way he asked made it clear he had an interest in Shizuka that went farther than just curiosity. It was greedy. And an opportunity for them to gain the information they needed. 

"He's mute and he's cute. Also very obedient. No complaints so far." Kakashi said like he was reviewing a recent purchase. 

"Mute? I can't say I've ever met an actual mute. Doesn't that get boring? I usually go for the more vocal ones." 

"There is something about having someone underneath you screaming out, but not able to make a sound. It opens up... possibilities... Anyway, who are you? I get the feeling I'll be doing most of my business with you." Kakashi asked, finally giving the man his full attention.

The man smirked at the recognition and sat back cockily. "I am Utasashi Shimuro. The owner of this place and a lot of other things around here. Yes, your business will be with me." 

"Call me Kazedate Hinoru. It's a pleasure to meet you. I suggest we save the business for tomorrow and focus on pleasure for tonight. How about we start with a drink?" Kakashi said, motioning a waitress over to them.

The rest of the evening went on with high levels of intoxication and Shimuro showing more and more interest in Shizuka. "You seem like a generous guy, Hinoru. Why not share the cuty mutey? I'll take good care of him tonight. Promised." He said. 

"I'm not letting him go alone. If you really want him, you'll have to come with us." Kakashi said, standing up and pulling Shizuka up with him. Shizuka clung around his neck, hanging like he had no strength left or enough awareness to really know where he was. 

Kakashi dragged Shizuka to their hotel room, closely followed by Shimuro. Shizuka was dumped on the bed and Shimuro stood leering at him in the door opening. "How about a drink first?" Kakashi asked. 

"I'm afraid he'll be asleep if we wait too long." Shimuro said, motioning his head to Shizuka.

"No need to worry about that. He's easy enough to wake up, even wasted like this." Kakashi waved him off and went into the other room, digging into the liquor cabinet for hard alcohol of any kind. "How about whiskey?"

"Sure." Shimuro said, sitting down in a chair that allowed him to look into the bedroom. "So, have you ever been here before? I don't remember your name." 

"I've been here around seven years ago. I must say, it feels a lot different than before. Were there any major changes?" Kakashi asked casually. The way the man was leering at Shizuka again made him want to grimace. It wouldn't be long before he'd snap, but thankfully, as he watched Shimuro drink the amber liquid, he knew the end for this operation was quickly approaching. 

"There has been a shift in management two years ago, if you catch my drift. Hanzo no longer rules this place. Merchants like me have been very grateful for the chances it opened up. But we are getting awfully close to business. Let's continue with the pleasure." Shimuro said, once again staring greedily into the bedroom. 

"Yeah, all yours. Have fun." Kakashi watched Shimuro get up and go to the bedroom. As soon as Shimuro's back was turned, he let his emotions hit his face. For the whole evening he had been sickened by this man and now he let him walk into a bedroom with Shizuka. If he had any less self-control and any less faith in Shizuka, not to mention the drugs in the whiskey, he would have torn the man to pieces. But for now, he sat, clenching his glass and his jaw, glaring into the bedroom. It was up to Shizuka now. He just needed to sit this out. 


	16. Bitter Cruelties

Shimuro stepped into the bedroom and stopped next to Shizuka. Shizuka looked up and grinned at the man, lulling his head and giggling a little. The lascivious gleam in Shimuro's eyes was unsettling as he stared down on Shizuka. "We are going to have some fun, boy." He said, leaning over Shizuka before forcing his legs between Shizuka's. Shizuka tried to move away, and attempted to gain _Hinoru's_ attention, but without putting any strength into it. Drink should have made him feeble, so he acted accordingly. "Oh, sweetie, no need to fight me. Your Daddy gave me permission to play with you. You just need to be a good boy for me and do what I tell you. I promise your Daddy won't be angry with you..." He said smirking. "Now let me get a good look at you." He said grabbing Shizuka's face and moving it side to side, scrutinising every inch of his face. Still Shizuka struggled feebly, but the man on top of him was cruel and did not relent. He didn't care the person underneath him was unwilling. It angered Shizuka beyond anything. It was a cruelty he first witnessed during the war and he saw it as more terrible than almost all other crimes done. "Too bad about the scar. You could have been valuable if it wasn't for that. But I guess you can still pass as an incentive, depending on how you do tonight."

Shimuro tightened his grip on Shizuka's jaw when he kept struggling. "Listen boy, if you don't want to be hurt, just do as I tell you. You got that? Now stop your struggling and make sure you satisfy me!"

Shizuka stilled and suddenly looked at Shimuro with a sudden fierce determination. Shimuro smirked like he won. "Good boy."

With strength and ease that surprised Shimuro, Shizuka flipped them, so now Shizuka was sitting on him, a leg on either side, smirking down on the man. "Oh, still feisty, I see. I don't mind that. I'll make you submit before the night ends." He said cockily, but when he saw the determination on Shizuka's face morph into an evil grin, his own cocky smirk faltered.

Shizuka pulled his braid in front of him and pulled out a Senbon from the end. He spun it in his hands, watching the light gleam over the cold metal before shifting his gaze back to Shimuro. "Wha... what are you doing? Why do you have that?" He sounded nervous and apprehensive, but above all, frightened.

Shizuma couldn't help it. This was one of his favorite tricks to get someone to talk and he _loved_ doing it. It was fear of the unknown rather than actually hurting someone, and of course it didn't always work, but for someone like Shimuro it was quite enough. The man had a cruel streak of his own, making the dread to undergo the same kind of thing a lot stronger, which in turn empowered Shizuka.

Shizuka cocked his head and placed the sharp tip against the soft spot at the base of Shimuro's neck, letting the tip sink into the skin a mere millimeter. The tip carried a poison by Sakura's make. It set the nerves on fire, but did no damage. Panic settled into Shimuro and he grabbed at Shizuka's hands, trying to push him away, but Shizuka easily took away his movement freedom with a single hand. He grinned down at the man again, knowing the drugs Kakashi gave him was working and left Shimuro without strength.

Shizuka smiled a sweet smile as he slowly dragged the Senbon upwards over Shimuro's throat, cocking his head the other way as he watched a shallow scratch form in Shimuro's throat. Redness settled in the skin around in, showing Shizuka the poison was doing its job.

Going for the throat was strategic. The inflammation obstructed the airway, and, if the reaction was strong enough, it could even kill. Right now it left Shimuro struggling for air, grabbing at his throat in desperation. Shizuka still sat on top of him, watching the man struggle for his life. He wasn't really, Shizuka would make sure he lived for as long as he proved useful and Shimuro wouldn't even have a scratch when they let him go again, but in his own cruelty he wanted to see Shimuro suffer, even if it was just for the kind of man Shimuro was. A trafficker.

Shizuka spun the Senbon in his hands again, and watched as Shimuro noticed this. A new panic settled in his eyes. There were other spots, sensitive spots, where the poison could be used and it would be regarded as torture. Oh, how he wished for his voice right now, even if it was just to whisper empty threats as the man writhed in fear, but just staring at the man seemed to do the trick just as much. Shizuka didn't want to descend into those depths of actuallying it, but still, the threat of causing the pain in Shimuro's throat elsewhere on his body was a torture of anticipation on his own, especially when well played.

He looked Shimuro in the eyes and wiggled a little to show his own anticipation and enthausiasm. Slowly, deliberately and steadily, he lowered the tip of the Senbon towards Shimuro's right eye. To be more exact, the inner corner of his right eye. Shimuro let a struggled scream escape his constricted throat and as if on cue, Hinoru appeared in the door opening. "What's going one here?" He asked, walking up to the bed. He saw the Senbon centimeters away from Shimuro's eye. "Ah, are you having fun, darling?" He asked, looking down at Shizuka. Shizuka looked up and smiled an innocent smile and nodded happily. "Good. I'll leave you to it, then." He said, placing a kiss on the side of Shizuka's head and moved to walk away.

"W-wait... help me!" Shimura forced out. Kakashi sighed heavily and turned back to the man. "Why?" He asked. Just that one word and he turned around, not bothering to wait for a reply, again moving to leave a now terrified Shimuro with a sadistically smiling Shizuka. He stopped at the door. "Unless... you give us all the information we want. I'll tell my darling to stop tormenting you then." Kakashi slowly turned around as he said that and saw Shimuro nodding eagerly. As expected, the man only cared for himself and would do anything to safeguard himself. Only people like that worked the kind of business Shimuro was involved in.

It was easy after that. There were no problems extracting truth from the ruthless man, and more importantly, after Shizuka gave him some antidote, Shimuro seemed elated. He still wanted the business opportunities Hinoru had offered before, and in combination with the promise to be released alive and further unharmed, was willing to pay any information to get the deal. They played it out, extracted every bit of information that might be relevant.

Kakashi opted to make good on their promise and let him go, keep him as informant for the upcoming time in case they needed more. After all, they had no rights to mettle in internal affairs of other countries when it fell outside the mission. That the domestic government did not act against Shimuro was their own issue and Kakashi wanted to steer clear of it.

Shizuka did not agree. It was dangerous, unnecessary, not to mention the man simply didn't deserve to live a life of luxury earned by the things he did. The kind of information Kakashi thought could yet be helpful, Shizuka already knew about. He had already fought the current rulers of Amekagure. The Six Paths of Pain, Uzumaki Nagato and Tenchi, Konan. He already knew how to draw them out; he knew what they sought and when they would. Now that they knew the power structure, trading routes and intentions for the village, Shizuka saw no need to keep such a vile man alive.

As they left the hotel room, Kakashi under the assumption they were leaving Shimuro to recover from the drug, Shizuka threw the Senbon at Shimuro, embedding it deep in his throat. A soundless death as the Senbon pierced his vocal cords. If the Senbon itself wasn't enough to slowly kill the man, the poison would make sure he suffocated over the next few hours, but he would not survive. Shizuka was remorseless in his action and didn't even look back as he followed Kakashi to head back home.


	17. Trivial Importance

With their mission a success, they got a little time off. Time for Shizuka to mull over the information and fit it into what he already knew. There was a problem, though, that only just occurred to him. His intervening was shifting the flow of time as he knew it. What was fact to him before already turned out different than he remembered.

The differences were subtle, almost unnoticeable, but for Shizuka some were like night and day. He vividly remembered certain moments, pranks he pulled, that simply did not happen. He couldn't think of a reason for this change since he had decided not to intervene with his past self if he could avoid it. Something must have happened that Shizuka was overlooking, but the more he pondered the question, the more problems he began to see. Time-travel, it seemed, was a headache in and of itself. Changing events just made it more strenuous to think about it alone.

He went to Sarutobi to discuss his issues. If time was changing, his recollection of when and which events were to take place would become less and less trustworthy as time went on. It would only be a matter of time before the only value his memories would have would be personal value. That left the question; was everything changing for the better, or would his actions spark a downpour of catalytic events that would cast them into something much worse?

He needed an answer to in the very least calm his racing mind, and Sarutobi provided that. Shizuka was doing right for what he wanted to achieve, but that did not take away that a future would form itself on the ashes he left in his wake. Just like Shizuka knew there was no such thing as true peace, Sarutobi told him there was no such thing as a set future. Those things were the same, and although neither should be taken lightly, both were unavoidable and ever-changing. If anything, Shizuka should be happy with the changes he noticed, however small they were, since it meant there was progress. In any case, the best way to life was to change what you could if you felt it was needed, which was what Shizuka was doing.

It was good to know Sarutobi trusted and believed him, that he thought Shizuka was changing things for the better, but he still felt restless. He was waiting for Kakashi. It was no surprise to Shizuka he was late, but today Shizuka was particularly irked by it. He needed company and despite how long he had been in Konoha, Shizuka had yet to make acquaintance with anyone except Kakashi and Sarutobi.

They were going to train today, and spar, maybe some bragging by comparing damage done by different Justu's. It was still exciting to some extent. There was a feeling of understanding when they sparred, one that didn't need word, and although there never seemed to be an excessive need for words between them, it seemed even less prevalent during a spar.

But Kakashi did not come alone. In fact, he had four followers trailing behind him and the sheer sight of it made Shizuka's annoyance with the eternal lateness melt away like ice in the desert. _Green spandex._ Including the add-ons in the form of Rock Lee, Tenten and Hyūga Neji. Shizuka never would have thought the sight of Spandex would ever be able to cheer him up, but it did. Not necessarily because of Maito Gai, though he did appreciate the man in his own right, but because of the pure misery currently on Kakashi's face. It seemed fitting, and Shizuka was not going to question the events leading to this outcome. He tried to keep a straight face, but the glare from Kakashi told him he was failing.

Gai was as exorbitant as he had always been, loud and proud, and as expected, jumped at the chance to finally meet the mystery friend Kakashi had made, but that no-one else ever seemed to be able to meet. "I'm glad my rival wasn't making excuses to avoid challenges, but actually had someone to meet! It would have been very un-youthful if he had lied!" Gai said passionately. Kakashi merely rolled his eyes and continued walking towards the training ground, not bothering to introduce Shizuka to Gai and ignoring Gai in the process. Shizuka nodded his head at Gai and followed after Kakashi. Unperturbed by Kakashi's rudeness, Gai and his team followed as well.

Kakashi didn't lead them to Shizuka's normal training ground, but led them to one closer to their location. Shizuka had the sneaking suspicion Kakashi wanted to keep the other ground private, for himself and for Shizuka.

After arriving at the training ground and some literal prodding from Shizuka, Kakashi finally introduced them, awkwardly. The Genin were impressed to meet other Jounin and Shizuka had to remind himself not to stare too much at his lost friends it unsettled him, left the restlessness stronger than before and stressed him.

It did not take long for Gai to rope Shizuka into a Taijutsu spar, as a way to get to know each other. And for Shizuka a way to work off some.of the stress. He never fought Gai, but he had seen him fight. Of course he also recognised some of the movements from Lee and both gave him an advantage during the spar. It was fast and hard. Neither held back anything as the laid into each other. Neither were giving up any of their ground.

But Gai proved to be the better fighter in Taijutstu, even if by a small margin, proven by a nasty kick to Shizuka's lower back, clipping his arm with the kick as well. The crack resounding in the area was enough to make the bystanders wince, but it was Shizuka's reaction that made them worry. The kick launched him forward, but he caught himself easily enough, with a head-roll and a twist, digging his heels and his unbroken hand into the dirt to catch himself.

And than he grinned. Mischievous and playful, he watched Gai, who was still grimaching for what he'd done. This was considered first blood to Shizuka, and it was time to up his game. He rose to his full height, seemingly unbothered by the shattered bone in his arm and the definite bruise on his lower back. He disappeared from sight, leaving nothing but some leafs, and appeared near Kakashi. Shizuka did not allow anyone to wonder about what he was about to do. With his good hand the signed 'Hold tight' and presented Kakashi the lower part of his broken arm.

Kakashi did as Shizuka asked, not knowing what to expect. Shizuka placed his good hand on his arm, in search of something, and smirked when he found it. He suddenly pulled and twisted his broken arm, trusting Kakashi to keep hold. Another crunch filled the clearing as Shizuka set his own arm to regain function. It had only taken him a few seconds from the moment he disappeared to the moment his arm was set and before any of them truly processed what just happened, Shizuka re-engaged in the spar without regard for his arm enthusiastically. His arm was set. It would heal. He still healed exceedingly quickly even without Kurama, and he had learned to set his own bones. If he didn't, his quick healing would cause the bones to grow together wrongly and the medics would have to re-break his bone in order to set it right.

It was invigorating. Different than his spars with Kakashi, which seemed to focus on mutual respect and understanding. This held the threat he might lose. The damage done to his body, the determination of both him and Gai as they fought made his adrenaline sky-rocket. It reminded him of his earliest C-rank mission where he had so passionately fought Haku and Zabuza. It reminded him of his spars and fights with Sasuke and other encounters like that. Fighting felt so different when both sides fought with sheer determination to win and absolute faith in their cause. It became meaningful and pasionate, not the emptiness of fighting legions of Zetsus, who pushed to win by sheer numbers but had no individual determination to win, but a fight on equal footing with equal intentions. Youthful by Gai's definition. And satisfying.

Lee was the first to call out again after the little incident, cheering for his Sensei without holding back and resetting the mood on the field. They easily passed another hour like that, but in the end it was still Shizuka who gave in first. He was send backwards with another kick, leveling a tree in the process,which he took as a sign to call it quits. Gai argued that the match was unsettled and did not waste any time in presenting a new challenge for another day, a challenge Shizuka accepted with grace. Gai didn't want to leave their first meeting in a tie, but Shizuka didn't mind to resume on a later date. He was happy his first meeting with someone from his past was less confrontational than he had imagined. It might have been due to the spontaneousness of the meeting, but it left him more confident in facing more of his past friends and acquaintances in days to come.


	18. Bonds

There were several ways to see the world. It all depended on perspective. Watching people live their life as they walked the streets of Konoha made Shizuka realise just how much his perspective had changed over the course of his life. As a child, he saw happiness that was denied to him, kindness that would never for him and warmth not meant for him. It was desperate and lonely, but back then he had felt strong and capable of handling it most of the time. After all, he did not know better back then. As an adolescent, he saw a world of opportunities, a way to make his own happiness and form bonds in new ways. That was cruelly crushed by the war. Now he sat atop the Hokage monument, his father's head, and pondered if his life had gained a new perspective again, or if his life even had any meaning at all.

Kakashi had fussed over him after the spar. Of course he had. The man cared for him and wanted Shizuka to be alright, but it wasn't necessary. His arm had already healed and even if it hadn't, it didn't matter. The other bruises were trivial as well, most already gone too.

He looked at the palm of his hand again, like so many times before today. It _seemed_ more vague, but he wasn't sure. The sun on his palm. A reminder of times past. What would it mean if it disappeared? The symbolism alone would be heartbreaking to lose, but it felt like he was losing the connection to _his loved ones_ and the disappearing of the sun on his hand was representing that.

He did not like the feeling that he was replacing his old bonds with new ones. He did not want to forget what he had had in his life. It felt bad, realising the more time he spend here, the less he thought about his life before. The past might painful, grievous and wronged, but that didn't mean he wanted to forget. He needed to remember, it was his life. At the same time, it healed his heart to form new bonds and the bonds he was forming now were truly different than what he had before, even though they were with the same people.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek and wiped it away vigorously, but it did not help. His grief was still raw and at moments it surfaced with all its intensity. He hated it. Life was cruel, because even if he changed things here, even if the future became better due to his meddling, his own life, his own future, had already been lost and would never be reality for him again. He was fake, a ghost, creating fake bonds with people he shouldn't know. He took time from people he had no right to take. Other than preventing the horrid future, he should have kept himself away from anybody and let their life unfold as they were supposed to, _without_ _him_.

He heard footsteps behind him and took a deep breath to calm down. After another wipe of his face, he hid his hands like he always did, balled up this time to cover the sun. "Hey." Kakashi said, stepping up behind him. "You disappeared on me." Shizuka nodded.

"You know, I'm supposed to be the one who's late when we agree to meet." Maybe it was meant as funny, but the intent didn't reach Shizuka. Shizuka clenched his jaw and nodded again.

Kakashi sighed and stepped closer. "Shizuka... don't... don't isolate yourself like this. I don't want you to be alone when you're hurting." Shizuka nodded again, biting down on his tears. Kakashi was too kind, too understanding, too patient. Just too much.

Kakashi pulled his hair back, burying his fingers into it at the base of Shizuka's neck. "I'm here for you. Remember that." He said calmly.

Maybe Shizuka was too selfish, but even if this Kakashi should have never become a precious bond, he still wanted it to be and it already was. It was more than he deserved, but everything he needed. And it was unfair of him, taking what should never be his in the first place, but he also knew he couldn't survive anymore if he didn't accept it. It was too hard. _Alone_ was too hard.

He turned around and clung to Kakashi. He didn't cry. Not full-out at least. Tears were streaming down his face, but he would not call it crying. It was releasing the negative energy that was eating away at him.

Again, Kakashi let him have the time he needed. How many times had Shizuka clung to him in tears already and every time Kakashi just let him have the time he needed, and the comfort he sought.

But why did Kakashi treat him like that? Kakashi didn't know him. How could he? He didn't even know the truth about Shizuka, where he came from and what had happened to him, his past. They had never had an actual conversation, and even though it never felt necessary, Shizuka felt like Kakashi deserved more than what he was, could be and had to give back.

"What happened? Why are you upset?" He asked. Shizuka wasn't ready to share his past life, not even with Kakashi. But he could share a fact and maybe that would make it easier to tell more on a later moment.

He took a deep breath as he pushed himself away from Kakashi to free his hands. _'It has been exactly one year today since I got this scar.'_ He pointed at his neck before dropping his hands again and averting his eyes. He didn't want to show the obvious hurt in his eyes to Kakashi. It was heartbreak, pure and simple, a broken bond that had been stronger than any other.

Kakashi was quiet for a moment. "You lost someone that day." It wasn't a question, but Shizuka still nodded to confirm.

' _My brother_.' He couldn't keep his eyes averted. He needed what Kakashi willingly gave, support and understanding. It had taken the start of a war to reconcile Sasuke and him, and the end of the war to tear them apart again. Now that a year had past he didn't feel like the hurt had lessened. The edges had softened a little, but it still cut deep. _'And my life._ ' He added. Kakashi looked confused but didn't press it. He probably already knew Shizuka wouldn't divulge on the matter. It was rare enough to even get an answer at all.

Once again Sasuke's final words rang through his mind. _"Stay alive. Make it right."_ He was doing that, but that didn't make it easy. And he realised there were times he struggled with the first part as much, if not more, than the second. But he clung to the words of his brother and turned it into strength. Along with Kakashi is was enough.

He turned to face Konoha again. His ears picked up words and bits of conversation a normal human would never be able to hear up here. They made the world sound alive, open and worthwhile. There were more reasons than last words to keep fighting. His own loss and grief, frustratingly real for him, were not of this time, and he had the power to make sure it was only him that suffered through his past.

There was, however, something he _could_ do to vent his frustrations and work on the last request of Sasuke in the most direct way possible to him. It was time for him to start the Snake hunt.


	19. Unfair Advantages

Shizuka smirked. If it hadn't been for everything he already knew, they might have been in trouble, but it was easy like this. Yukashi Kabuto. The man that misled them during the Chunin exam. The right-hand man to Orochimaru. Shizuka remembered the moment they met again after the Chunin exams, while fetching Tsunade. His imperfect Rasengan had done damage, enough so for most mortals, but the tricks Orochimaru pulled were also available to Kabuto to some degree. Combined with his medical knowledge Kabuto had overcome that blow.

But now he lay dead at Shizuka's feet, torn asunder on the inside by a fully developed Rasengan, which Shizuka had expanded when his hand was inside Kabuto's chest cavity. Kabuto had still moved after that, choking on his own blood and heaving for air with lungs that no longer functioned, so Shizuka had crushed Kabuto's skull underneath his foot as he looked at Kabuto in the eyes with nothing more than stone cold contempt. Shizuka did not flinch over the crunch that filled the room or the matter that was once Kabuto splattering everywhere. He only regretted the residue it left on his pants.

Shizuka wasn't leaving Kabuto's body. As long as there was a single cell left alive, Shizuka saw it as a threat. Neither Kabuto nor Orochimaru should be at the point in their ventures for immortality where they could regenerate to that extreme, but Shizuka wouldn't risk it. He sealed the body in a specially designed seal for remains. The glow filled the room and when it subsided, the only reminder of Kabuto left were the stains on the floor and his pants.

Kakashi had been silent, watching in awe at the sheer ferocity the seemingly uninteresting youth drew from Shizuka. It was clear to Kakashi there had been history, but it confused him Kabuto hadn't reacted in a similar manner as Shizuka did to him. At least a fearful reaction was expected if he had known Shizuka and had to face him, yet Kabuto had been cocky until the very end.

Another thing was the Justu that Shizuka had used. It was his Sensei's, Namizake Minato. How had Shizuka learned a Jutsu that was considered a village secret? At the very least Kakashi knew that Shizuka and Minato had never met. Minato would have never taught that Jutsu to someone who wasn't at least a very close friend, and Kakashi would have known Shizuka if he had that level of a relationship with his Sensei. Not to mention Shizuka had clearly said he didn't know Kushina personally, just that she was family in some way, and there was no way an Uzumaki could know Minato and not know Kushina. Yet Shizuka used it so easily that it implied rigorous practice for a long time, and years of using it on a regular basis. It didn't make sense.

They didn't have time to dwell on it right now. Kabuto had been a decoy while Orochimaru fled the nest. Shizuka wasn't too worried. He had been Snake hunting before and knew the most likely place Orochimaru would slither to. But before they left, Kakashi and Shizuka destroyed everything and anything in the underground lab. For a moment, Kakashi hesitated when they found experiments of Orochimaru, but Shizuka cut them down in the same ruthlessness as he had done Kabuto.

After a moment's hesitation, Kakashi joined the fray, and the lab was gone in moments. He trusted Shizuka in his judgement, and so, even if Kakashi didn't know the full detail, he still followed Shizuka in what needed to be done. Questions would have to wait for their return to Konoha.

Shizuka led the way as the landscape changed from forest to grassy fields. With certain steps and little effort he followed the invisible trail left by Orochimaru. As they moved, Shizuka focussed on the nature around them, sensing any and all disturbances that told him his was headed in the right direction.

They landed in front of the mouth of a cave. Why Orochimaru always chose underground lairs was beyond Shizuka. The stagnant air and perpetual chill of the underground was unsettling. By now he had collected enough Nature energy to show the physical changes for Sennin mode. Kakashi eyed him suspiciously, so Shizuka smirked at his shrugging his shoulders. Kakashi rolled his eyes, accepting he wasn't getting an explanation now.

A few gestures from Shizuka ushered them inside. The long corridors of repeating doors were a maze and Shizuka hadn't been to this location. He knew about it, it had been one of their targets in the search for Sasuke, but they had encountered Sasuke in a different location before they got to this one. There was one general thing he remembered about all the hideouts and that was that the descending route usually led to the core of it, where the lab and the important quarters were. And where Orochimaru probably was right now.

At the end of a hallway, they found a double door. For a moment they listened at the door for any noises, but were met by an eerie silence. The whole base had been silent, but that didn't say much. It wasn't planned for Orochimaru to be here right now, so it would make sense the base was abandoned save for some prisoners and experiments.

There was a shift behind the door, something moving along the floor, pulling both their attention. With a few quick signs, Kakashi told Shizuka to stay as he himself went in first, hidden in shadows. Shizuka nodded, knowing he wouldn't have the patience to lurk in the shadows once he sighted his target.

He was impatient waiting for Kakashi as well, and instead of standing still Shizuka scoured the rooms close by from any living inhabitants. There were only a few and he didn't kill indiscriminately. It was fairly clear which rooms contained prisoners yet to be experimented on and which willing subjects and, just like with Kabuto, Shizuka held no mercy for the willing.

Kakashi found him fairly easy and watched as Shizuka cleaned his Katana of blood on the crumpled heap at his feet. Shizuka grinned at Kakashi, sending a shiver down Kakashi's spine and leaving Kakashi wondering about the kind of past Shizuka had that made him able to smile like that so shortly after killing. It was going to be an interesting conversation when they got home, for as far as Shizuka would be willing to answer. "Orochimaru is in the laboratory at the back of the room. He seems to be alone. Are you ready?"

Shizuka gritted his teeth and nodded. Despite the turnaround Orochimaru had shown in the war, _Naruto_ had never truly accepted the change. There was still greed behind it and although Orochimaru had helped, the reasons behind it were equal to the reasons with which Orochimaru sought immortality. Selfish and only because he gained something from it. _Shizuka_ still felt Orochimaru should not be left alive for all the things the man had done in the past, and would do in the future.

Kakashi and Shizuka appeared in the laboratory to see Orochimaru scramble to get something done. Several empty syringes were on a table, clearly just used. He had another syringe in his hand, hovering over the inside of his elbow where several other needle marks were visible. Shizuka cocked his head, studying the green liquid in the needle. It seemed to glow in the darkness on the underground.

Orochimaru froze at the sight of them. "How did you find me? Where is Kabuto?" He hissed out. Neither Kakashi nor Shizuka answered, but stared down at Orochimaru with deathly glares. This fight was going to be tough. Shizuka could probably hold himself against Orochimaru for a long time, but Orochimaru was still on of the Sanin.

Kakashi readied a Kunai, standing at attention. Shizuka unsheathed his Katana, twirling it and taking his stand with a silent growl.

"Not very social, are you? No matter. Kabuto has served his purpose. You are too late." Orochimaru said, pressing the needle into his arm and pressing down on the plunger. With a flick of his wrist, Kakashi threw his Kunai and shattered the glass container of the syringe before it was half empty. As the liquid hit the table and the floor, it evaporated and left nothing but black, corroded stains and a pungent odour.

Orochimaru snarled at Kakashi and disregarded the broken syringe. It only threw Orochimaru off for a second before he recovered. He might not have finished his set, but that did not mean the previous shots had no effect. With the last shot he would have perfected his regeneration, but this would do for now. The concoctions were whirling in his veins and settling deep in his cells, creating powers he always dreamed of. The two Konoha Shinobi would be excellent test subjects for his new powers.


	20. Gruesome Sealing

The fight dragged on far into the night. There was little more that Shizuka and Kakashi could do than drag it out, essentially tag-teaming in and out of combat, in the hopes of wearing Orochimaru down before they were both exhausted. 

Shizuka could tell they were making progress. The human skin had peeled, revealing the snake-like monster that lurked beneath. Orochimaru had shed his skin a few times and several extremities had been cut off and regrown, taking precious energy from the Snake Sanin. 

The roof of the cave had come down, crushing bones in Shizuka's right shoulder in his attempt to push Kakashi out of the way. Shizuka landed on his back not far from the fallen stones and through the dust clouds he saw Kakashi. For a moment, Kakashi had been in sheer panic, stumbling over himself to get to Shizuka and desperately making sure Shizuka was alright. Shizuka recognised the panic of losing a loved one in Kakashi's eyes and an image of Obito driften into his mind. He did not want to be a live reminder of such times to Kakashi, so despite the pain, he sat up and grinned at Kakashi. The relief of Kakashi's face was enough to ease the sharp edges of Shizuka's pain, but that didn't bring back the full functionality of his arm.

The fight drifted outside, offering space and new tactics. Orochimaru summoned Manda, his giant snake summon, and at first they had no direct answer to it. Kakashi's Nin-dogs weren't nearly the same size or strength. Shizuka had not attempted to summon since he came to this time and didn't know if he would even be successful if he tried right now. After all, his name was not on the contract yet and he didn't think Gamabunta was going to take kindly to a stranger's sudden summoning. 

But Shadow clones were a very valid option. His shoulder was agonising as he lifted his hands to form the hand sign, but he gritted through it. The five identical copies grinned before they disappeared, too fast to be noticed by Orochimaru and already intuned to Shizuka's plan. 

Kakashi landed beside them, giving Shizuka a worried look for using his damaged arm, but it was just a glance. There was no time to be distracted at the moment. Manda reered high, exposing his fangs as they leaked poison, scorching the land in the same manner the green liquid in the syringe had done in the laboratory. 

Kakashi took hold of another Kunai as Shizuka gripped his sword in his left hand. At the same moment they started running, both aiming to reach the top of the snake, where Orochimaru stood observing the destruction below. Shizuka coated his Katana in an impossibly thin layer of wind chakra, sharpening the edge to a point it could slice through almost anything. The thick scales of Manda would be nothing but soft tissue for his Katana right now. The only issue was that the cut needed to count and left-hand wielding was not his preferred option, so Shizuka planned to cut through the back of Manda's neck. If it didn't sever the head, at the very least it would separate the spine from the head. Either way the result would be death.

The moving body and slippery scales proved to be quite a climb. Still, both managed to reach their target. Kakashi swiped down on Orochimaru as Shizuka sank his blade into Manda's neck. Kakashi's attack was fast and furious, leaving Orochimaru to defend himself on the writhing movements of a dying Manda. The only goal right now was for Orochimaru to lose his footing before Kakashi and Shizuka did. Shizuka began to back up Kakashi, striking quickly at Orochimaru before he could steady himself from Kakashi's attack. A well executed upward kick finally sent Orochimaru plummeting to the earth. He landed on his back as a great puff of smoke indicated the death and defeat of Manda.

To his surprise, Orochimaru found himself unable to move, his body half sunken into the ground. The soft glow underneath him told him he landed in the middle of a trapping seal, one that was already active despite his opponents not having landed yet. It was different from his own, almost seeming an improvement on it. His own Fuinjustu trap locked the victim away in a different dimensional space within the seal. This seal was far more developed. It was constricting, draining chakra from him and, most importantly, kept him from being able to use any of his Justus. He felt paralized, trapped between this dimension and the other, perpetually moving between them, yet stuck in both of them.

Shizuka landed just outside the five-pointed seal with Kakashi behind him. He smirked as his five clones were pouring their chakra into the seal to keep it in place. He held up his hand to tell Kakashi to wait as he himself stepped into the seal, expertly avoiding the trigger points that would grab hold of him as well. He had a knack for seals. The Time Travel seal was not the only one he created and Shizuka had to begrudgingly admit that, in the absence of Jiraya, he had learned from Orochimaru during the war. It was Orochimaru himself that taught him the basic trap seal, which Naruto proceeded to 'butcher', as Orochimaru called it where Naruto thought he was improving it. The most important improvement was the removal of the means to escape. The Blood Seal needed to escape Orochimaru's trap seal held no use in Naruto's. 

Shizuka crouched down next to Orochimaru and cocked his head. The man in front of him seemed to be in agonising pain, but he cared little about that. He looked Orochimaru over, noting the man's hip's, feet and hands sunken into the ground, leaving his knees, half his torso and his head above it. He smirked, knowing that cutting off the seal now would leave Orochimaru severed as he was divided above and below ground now, but before he was dispelling his clones there was something he needed to do.

From his pouch he produced a bottle half filled with clear, very light blue liquid. It was viscose, almost clumpy in the bottle, but a quick shake seemed to break the bonds that made it viscose and the liquid moved like water. Shizuka sat the bottle down in front of him and proceeded to fetch a Kunai from his pouch. "Wha- what are you doing?" Orochimaru asked, struggled in his bonds, fearfully looking at Shizuka as Shizuka lowered the Kunai towards his neck, but was surprised when Shizuka only nicked the skin to draw blood, catching it in the bottle. The blood mixed with the liquid before settling in a clear pink, which Shizuka pocketed. 

He stood up and left the seal, fishing out a second scroll, similar to the one he sealed the remains of Kabuto in, but this one designed to restrain Chakra along with the person inside it as well. An extra measurement against Orochimaru's regeneration and hopefully an unnecessary effort.

As soon as he stepped out of the seal next to Kakashi, he dispelled the clones and let the seal cut Orochimaru into pieces. The Snake Sanin screamed, but had no way of moving to ease his pain. Shizuka was in no hurry to relieve it either and took his time to make sure Kakashi was alright. Besides a few more serious cuts and bruises, not to mention near Chakra exhaustion, Kakashi seemed fine. More so than Shizuka was with his crushed shoulder. 

He didn't give Kakashi the time to worry about him, though, as he turned to face Orochimaru once more and seal him for once and for all. He saw Orochimaru's last attempt to regenerate himself, but it seemed the seal had drained too much of his Chakra for Orochimaru to be able to do more than close the wounds. The blue glow of the seal eagerly swallowed the Snake Sanin and with that, the threat was gone. Sasuke would be safe from outside temptation into darkness and Shizuka would find a way to defeat the inside darkness as well. 

With everything done, Shizuka had no excuse anymore and finally gave in to Kakashi's worries. He let the man take his shirt off and prod his shoulder, winching from the prying fingers. "We're going to the nearest village for help. I'm not letting you walk your ass all the way back to Konoha like this." Shizuka rolled his eyes. Nothing was too dislocated, so it would probably heal fine, but Kakashi's tone of voice was final and Shizuka easily gave into it.


	21. Trust

It was a quaint little town and it offered little help to the two worn-out Shinobi that suddenly appeared. The local doctor tended to Shizuka, but almost seemed unwilling to do so. He was not a medical Ninja, so the prodding and setting was done manually, leaving Shizuka's body to heal further on his own.

They stayed at an inn for the night, the only place in the village that offered any kind of respite for weary travellers. It was as quaint as the rest of the town, traditionally decorated and furnished. It was cozy and if it weren't for the sealed bodies and bottled blood he was carrying, Shizuka wouldn't have minded staying for a while.

He held up the pink liquid to the dim light in their room, watching it swirl within the bottle as though it was alive. In a way, it was and that made it mesmerising, but Shizuka didn't want to dwell on that thought. It was... weird to carry the bottle, knowing the meaning behind it. He swirled it again, watching the liquid move around itself. It almost looked like there was glitter in the bottle, dancing around playfully.

"What's in the bottle?" Kakashi asked, interrupting his musings. He blinked and looked at Kakashi, then let a small smile settle on his lips. ' _A solution.'_ He left it at that and tugged the bottle away again. It wasn't like he could adequately explain through sign language anyway.

"Alright..." Kakashi said, sounding a bit disappointed. Shizuka looked at him quizzically, wondering what was bothering his white-haired companion. "What?" Kakashi asked.

Shizuka stepped a bit closer and kept looking intently at Kakashi. Kakashi silently looked back for a moment.

"There's nothing." Kakashi said, but Shizuka didn't step down. He cocked his head and frowned a bit, still not breaking eye contact.

For another moment Kakashi stared back at him, before he gave up. "Fine. You want to know what's bothering me? You asked me if I trusted you and I do. But sometimes you make me feel like you don't trust me." He said, surprising Shizuka with the calm, but agitated sound in his voice. "A lot of things have happened since I met you that don't make any sense and even you yourself don't make sense. I just wished you trusted me enough to tell me more. Even just small personal things, whatever you can. I don't mind what it is as long as you tell me something." It was a plea, desperate and honest. Shizuka dropped his shoulder. He knew he had been unfair. Kakashi had shared about himself, yet Shizuka had not revealed anything. He looked away, feeling guilty. There had been a few chances to reveal bits about himself, shards vague enough to not reveal anything of importance, but he never let them go in fear of Kakashi's judgement.

Kakashi gently placed his fingers underneath his chin, asking for Shizuka to give him his attention back. "Shizuka, you're an enigma and I want to figure you out. But you'll need to trust me and let me in. Would you let me? Please?" Shizuka wanted to, but what was there to say? How much could he tell without revealing too much? Sarutobi needed to give Kakashi clearance, that would give possibilities, but would the old man give that? Maybe it was his own stubbornness that was locking Kakashi out and he just needed to give in a little more.

His answer took too long. He saw the hurt bloom in Kakashi's eye that left a lump in his throat. "Is it that hard?" Kakashi asked, sounding a little defeated. Shizuka's eyes widened and he shook his head immediately. He swallowed and sought eye contact once more. ' _It's not that I don't trust you, it's that there is a lot I can't tell you yet. There will be a time I can tell you everything, but that time is yet to come.'_ Shizuka closed his eyes for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He didn't want to leave Kakashi hurting, but also wouldn't know where to begin to adhere to the request. _'I can tell you a few things about me, but it won't be a happy tale... If you want to hear it?'_

"Of course I do. I want to know everything I can about you." Kakashi answered, stepping closer and moving his hand to cup Shizuka's cheek, but before he did, he balled his hand and dropped it again. Instead he motioned to the table with a smile. "Let's sit down, okay?"

Shizuka nodded and sat down with Kakashi. Not knowing where to begin he looked at Kakashi for guidance and realised something that left a soft smile in his lips. For as long as he had known Kakashi, he had always looked to Kakashi for guidance. There were times where Naruto did not get what he needed, but Kakashi had always been the person he sought out for guidance. "What are you smiling at?"

Shizuka smiled at Kakashi again and shrugged. ' _You remind me of my Sensei. He was a good man.'_ It went natural from there on out. Shizuka still didn't give a lot of details, but the conversation flowed between almost as easily as the silence had done time and time again before. They tethered on subjects that were significant, but at the same time regular and ordinary. His favorite places, favorite foods, his friends and family and childhood. The boundary of the mundane was only crossed when Shizuka told about his loss of everything and everyone. He didn't linger on the subject long and instead prodded Kakashi to do the same and tell short stories as well in an attempt to steer away from the heavy guilt that still followed him. And the grief. His hands were shaking badly now, from the emotions swirling in his mind.

"When or where was this? You are too young to have been part of the Third Shinobi War like that, aren't you?" Kakashi asked, a little confused over the timeline Shizuka seemed to follow.

Shizuka smiled a bitter smile. They were now on the edge of what he could and could not tell and regretted he couldn't push on more. He shook his head and sighed. He wasn't going to outright lie to Kakashi. Kakashi deserved better than that, but he also didn't want to stop dead like this. Kakashi read him like an open book, almost too easily. "I guess this is as far as we can go? It's alright. I can wait until you can tell me more, but can you tell me one more thing?" He asked. Shizuka nodded warily, not knowing what to expect. "Tell me why you can't talk about it?"

' _The Hokage told me to keep as much as possible a secret.'_ Shizuka signed, and then placed his hands against his body, trying to suppress the tremor that was suddenly bothering him again, effectively silencing him and telling Kakashi that they had indeed reached the end of their conversation. He wasn't disappointed in what Shizuka had offered to share, but did need time to think it over. Non of his questions were truly answered, but at least he knew it wasn't that Shizuka was unwilling. The secrecy surrounding him was part of a mission, it seemed. That didn't make it easier for Kakashi, but at least he understood a little more. "I think I'll go for a walk alone." He said and stood up to walk to the door.

Shizuka sat frozen for a moment, uncertain whether the conversation had reached a good end or not. He decided that he didn't think so and that there needed to be a different conclusion, one that did not end with both of them alone and unsure. He got up and blocked the door for Kakashi.

"Shizuka..." Kakashi started, but Shizuka shook his head and once more brought his hands up to sign, but this time to convey what he had wanted to say for a while.

' _A lot_ _happened_ _to me, bad things and good. I've cared about a lot of things and_ _people_ _very deeply, but that all seems a distance past.'_ He stepped closer to Kakashi and lifted his hands. He stopped, doubting himself for a second and bit his lip and looked at Kakashi. ' _Right here, right now, you mean everything to me.'_ Kakashi just stared at him in disbelief. Shizuka doubted for another second, but his determination that had saved him so many times before won from his doubts this time as well and he finished his movement, gently taking hold of the egde of Kakashi's mask and pulling it down. Standing on his toes to reach, he gently placed his lips on Kakashi's and waited for the response.

It didn't take long for Kakashi to snap out of his disbelief and return the kiss, cupping Shizuka's face with his fingers burried in Shizuka's hair. Shizuka smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck. Silent tears made their way down his face as his first true kiss overwhelmed all of his senses and his mind muddled in Kakashi's embrace.


	22. Actions and Consequences

Sideway glances and giddiness. For a whole day that was all both of them managed towards each other. Shy smiles and chaste exploratory touches. They were settling into their newly discovered dynamic as they travelled home and that brought some starting issues.

The kiss that started as a confession had exploded into a passionate make-out session, with Kakashi pinning Shizuka to the wall and his hands disappearing underneath Shizuka's clothing. Kakashi was gentle, but it felt so much differently than in the onsen. Both touches were to explore, but this touch sought to discover something completely different than the touch at the onsen.

Shizuka wondered if Kakashi was as inexperienced as he was in this, but since Kakashi was older and had lived through a time of relative peace, he could imagine Kakashi having had a previous relationship. Shizuka hoped so. It meant Kakashi's life had been less lonely than he thought it had been. The way Kakashi kissed and touched him did seem experienced. There was a certainty in it, though that could also be Kakashi's natural cockiness.

Just before reaching Konoha, Kakashi stopped and pulled Shizuka off the road. He backed Shizuka against a tree and kissed him deeply. "Sorry, I couldn't wait until we got home." He said, smirking at the flustered look Shizuka had. It seemed like a dam had broken after the first kiss. Kakashi took every opportunity to approach Shizuka and Shizuka was yet to refuse the advances.

They reported to the Hokage after a short stop at Shizuka's apartment. Afterwards, Kakashi was asked to leave while Shizuka and Sarutobi discussed what was left to do. Shizuka wanted to focus on Nagato and wanted to do that with Jiraya. There was also the issue of Toby, or Obito, and how to handle that, especially since Kakashi would be involved.

They set the schedule to wait for Jiraya to confront Nagato, and to confront Obito in a month's time. This would leave an approximate two weeks before Shizuka's next mission with Jiraya. Enough time to address the situation in the village, namely Danzo and his organisation. Sarutobi suggested a day to rest before setting out against Danzo, enough time for Shizuka to prepare and for Kakashi to be briefed on the situation.

Shizuka was nervous. Not for the mission, but for Kakashi to become more involved. He hoped Kakashi saw the need for keeping the secret as much as Sarutobi and he had done.

He met Kakashi at their usual training ground and grinned as he entered. Kakashi looked up from his book and quickly tucked it away. It didn't take long for them to work up a sweat in a heated spar. It was, after all, early in the day, and neither were really tired from their trip.

They ended up using more area than just the training ground. After a while, they had found themselves either on or near the river. Kakashi was fierce, almost like he wanted to prove himself in some way, and a number of times Shizuka was forced into defence only.

It became more fierce, adding Jutsu's to the fight and escalating it to the point where the environment was affected to some degree.

Shizuka barely caught a glimpse of Kakashi's smirk before a sudden onslaught of water crashed down on him and washed him into the river. For a moment he was disoriented, but he quickly found his bearings. As soon as he surfaced again, Kakashi was standing before him, still smirking. He held out his hand to Shizuka in an effort to make amends. Shizuka grabbed it and pulled hard enough for Kakashi to fall forward and land in the water as well. Now Shizuka was the one smirking.

The water was cooling and drained their need to continue their spar. Instead, Kakashi used the opportunity to catch Shizuka in his arms and dote upon him. It wasn't until Kakashi placed his hands on the small of his back that Shizuka noticed something was wrong. His Wakizashi was missing.

Panic struck him hard. _No!_ He _couldn't_ have lost it! It was too precious, and he couldn't handle the thought of it being lost. _Hitori_... He quickly twisted around, feeling himself to find the missing item, but all he found were the broken remains of the strings it had been attached to. He broke away from Kakashi, frantically searching the area around him, but came up empty handed.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked. The sudden panick Shizuka was showing came of as a little frightening.

' _It's gone_.' Shizuka signed so fast Kakashi barely followed, but the gesture Shizuka made to his back was enough for Kakashi to understand. He had wondered why Shizuka carried the Wakizashi, but never seemed to use it for anything. He had only seen Shizuka grab hold of the hilt only once, and he had done so absentmindedly and with hurt on his face. Now Kakashi understood it was probably a momento, a reminder of something or someone from Shizuka's past. Kakashi regretted not asking about it before, but he doubted he would have gotten an answer for his query.

"I'll help you find it." He said, quickly setting out towards the destroyed area they had left behind. Shizuka gave him a grateful look and set out to the river himself.

It wasn't long before Kakashi found it. Right around the point where they started involving Jutsu's, the Wakizashi lay undamaged among the remnants of a tree. The tree Kakashi had managed to push Shizuka into hard enough to shatter it.

He quickly made his way back to Shizuka, but Shizuka had gone from where he was before. "Shizuka?!" Kakashi called out. "Shizuka, I've found it!" For a moment longer it was eerily quiet, before Shizuka appeared before him in a very familiar looking flash. Shizuka snatched the Wakizashi from his hand, perhaps a bit too forcefully, and pressed it against him before embracing Kakashi tightly. Kakashi hugged him back, his nose buried in Shizuka's neck. "You're welcome, love."

Kakashi stepped back and was greeted by a smiling Shizuka. "Why is it so important to you?" Kakashi asked. The smile disappeared quickly and Shizuka looked away. For a moment Kakashi thought that was the end of it, but Shizuka sighed and looked back. ' _It was my_ _girl's_.'

Kakashi almost choked at that, thinking he misinterpreted the signs or misunderstood them. He looked at Shizuka wide eyed. "I'm sorry, who? Your daughter?"

Shizuka shook his head. ' _My student. I found her on my travels_.'

"Oh, right... so, what happened to her?" Kakashi asked carefully, not wanting to hurt Shizuka, but also unable to reign in his own curiosity.

' _She died._ ' The answer was short and quick. Shizuka turned and walked away, leaving Kakashi standing in doubt for a second.

He found his voice again quickly. "Shizuka, wait!" He stepped in front of him. "Talk to me. Please? Don't keep this to yourself. It'll just hurt more." Kakashi's eye betrayed his own experience in this and that was enough to break through even the stubborn mind of Shizuka. Shizuka dropped his shoulder dejectedly and took a deep breath.

' _We'd been travelling for about two months together and we took an easy mission in this small village. Turned out the information was way off and the mission escalated fast._ I _fucked up and_ she _paid the price, okay?'_ The mission was supposed to have been simple, just some low level scum barely able to call themselves Shinobi. In terms of ranking a low C, if that. But the information was wrong and Shizuka had let Hitori wander too far away from him. What he handled without breaking a sweat had quickly overwhelmed her and he had been too late to intercept the fatal damage. She was dead before she hit the ground and Shizuka was deprived of even the opportunity to take her body as it was consumed by flames. It would have been all too easy to have been all too easy to have done it all by himself, but Hitori had been so enthusiastic about it and wanted to help so badly, Shizuka had let her talk him into taking her along.

He felt angry, frustrated and most of all, self-loathing. Right now, he just wanted to disappear for a while, to be alone, but Kakashi grabbed his arms and kept him grounded. They stared each other down for a while, until Shizuka caved. ' _Why does everyone I care about have to die? What am_ _I doing_ _wrong?_ ' He was begging, on the verge of tears. Begging for an answer nobody had and hoping for a little redemption, despite knowing he didn't deserve it.

"Shizuka, it wasn't your fault." Kakashi said gently.

' _What would you know about it? You weren't there_!' Shizuka looked at Kakashi angrily.

"I wasn't, you're right. But I know you fought with all you had to protect her, and anyone else for that matter. You're not the kind of person to just let someone die, especially not someone you know. The fact that you weren't able to save them just means that there was nothing that could have been done."

Shizuka let his head hang and nodded, before leaning against Kakashi. His tears didn't fall, but he did need another moment in the safety of Kakashi's arms before facing the world again.


	23. Close to Home

There was one thing Shizuka hadn't thought about in his efforts against Danzo. It wasn't that it left a hole in Konoha's structure of command, or that it was going to take a lot of effort to actually take Danzo down. No, what had caught him off guard was the sheer numbers of Shinobi under Danzo's control. And he wasn't talking about just the brainwashed soldiers. There were people who knowingly and willingly were putting children through this horrid process, just to get a few 'perfect soldiers' at the end of it all.

Those that were working willingly with Danzo were in a bit of a gray area from the village's standpoint. After all, they were working for one of the most influential persons in Konoha, and therefore could just be following orders, as expected from Shinobi. On the other hand, the extent to which they go to follow those orders should have been enough for them to report to the Hokage. Like mentioned before, a gray area, and the Hokage tasked him to act within his own judgement of them. A sign of trust, sure, but also a heavy burden to bear. Responsibility, and he would not take it lightly. He did have priority for the retrieval of the children over the lives of their guards.

Kakashi was beside him, spying through one of the cell windows to see a child sitting on the cold ground, nothing in the room except the child and a bed. The dead stare of the child into nothingness sent a shiver down his spine. Broken. And they were probably too late for her. How many more were there, in the same state or maybe even worse?

His attention was pulled away from the child when he heard a body crumble to the floor, lifeless, by the hand of Shizuna. Kakashi looked at him for a second, noticing his partner's distress over the kill. Kakashi understood. Killing someone from Konoha was different than killing enemies. This hit closer to home. But he also understood the need for this mission. He had just been looking at it and supported their cause completely.

But the emotional display from Shizuka didn't last long. Shizuka steeled himself easily against his actions, knowing what he did would have far reaching consequences for the betterment of the future. He just felt sorrow for being too late to have stopped the Uchiha massacre. If Sasuke had sent him back further, he could have intervened then and saved Sasuke a lifetime of hurt and loneliness. But that wish didn't matter. He was here now, trying to fix what he could.

With a few gestures from Shizuka, Kakashi and the ANBU with them moved deeper into the facility. A few stayed behind, getting the children out of the building and into the medical care standing ready outside.

Having been here before, Shizuka had the lead right now. All guards along the way were incapacitated. Or killed when resistance was too high. Those incapacitaded would be in Ibiki Morino's care until he determined otherwise. The man was going to be busy...

It wasn't long before they reached a large empty room. Several children were training in the middle of it, ignoring the intrusion in favour of obedience. The few agents that were posted to watch the children jumped into action, but offered little challenge for them.

Several ANBU and Kakashi stayed there. The group of children in here was big enough for Kakashi to need to take charge of the escort. The children were disturbingly quiet and obedient as they trudged out of the room, following Kakashi's orders as easily as they followed commands from the agents.

This is how they swiped the entire facility, systematically combing through everything until only two ANBU and Shizuka arrived at the room they saved for last; Danzo's room. On Shizuka's sign, the ANBU hid in the shadows. He would make his entrance alone.

He took a deep breath and kicked the door hard enough to make it fly off its hinges and crash into the opposite wall, crushing someone with it as the metal door slammed into the wall. Danzo stood inside, flanked by five hooded figures. All jumped to defend Danzo as Danzo himself slunk into the background, a wisp of a smirk on his face with how confident he was in his agents.

Shizuka grinned back, slowly drawing his Katana and taking on a wide stance, Katana above his head pointed towards the hooded figures. He waited, staring the five in front of him down in absolute silence.

Two hooded figures jumped him at Danzo's signal, but they proved to be no match for Shizuka quickly, being high Chunin at most. Frustration quickly crossed Danzo's face before he waved the other three to attack. The difference in level with the other two was significant, forcing Shizuka to take his focus completely off Danzo in favour of defending.

A few moments later he took a chance to search for Danzo, but Danzo was gone. _The coward._

He silently cursed when a Kunai was pressed into his leg, the Root agent taking full advantage of his momentary lapse in focus. He knew he left himself open, but it hurt non the less. He needed to refocus on his main goal. With a flick of his wrist he signalled the ANBU to intervene, taking over the fight from him as Shizuka ran towards the only other door in the room, splotches of blood in his wake, but he was able to ignore the wound well enough.

Stairs led to a basement area where a laboratory was set up. The ghostly green containers along the walls were reminiscent of those they had found in Orochimaru's hideouts, only these were empty. The center was filled with surgery tables, stained red and brown from use and chemicals, tool tables in between them. Shizuka pulled up his nose at the smell of death and chemicals.

Danzo stood in the room, his eye already trained on the blond in a glare. "I knew you were trouble the first time we met. Hizuren made a mistake trusting you." He said, his voice calm, but his eye betrayed his anger. Shizuka only answered with a glare of his own.

"I don't understand, though. What did you tell him that would make him trust _you_ out of all people? He can't be that senile yet." Shizuka raised an eyebrow. The animosity was palatable, even with Danzo keeping a straight face.

"I guess I won't get an answer from you... Makes me think I should mute more of my subjects, though that would make receiving reports a hassle." His voice was devoid of any emotion as he talked about muting children. It sent a cold shiver down Shizuka's spine and provided new resolve as to why the man needed to die. He took his wide stance again, eyes focussed on the treacherous man. Danzo answered in kind, revealing his own Katana and quickly starting a fast Kenjustu fight.

It didn't surprise Shizuka that Danzo kept up with him as well as he did. The man was, after all, an old team member of Sarutobi with no lack of talent and persistence in training. Even with age Danzo did not slack.

But age did bring physical limitations, and before long Shizuka drove him to rely on his Sharingan, revealing the first stolen eye in his eye socket. Mangekyo Sharingan stolen from Uchiha Shisui. And the first eye Shizuka was going to take back. He let a determined gaze settle on Danzo and started the battle again.

The Sharingan did make the fight more difficult, taking more from Shizuka and keeping him more on defense than he would have liked to be while avoiding eye contact. Kage Bunshin helped, but the space was small with many obstacles, making the room less than ideal for multiple Kage Bunshin.

Once Shizuka managed to gain the upper hand, he wasted no time and went straight for the eye. His fingers slid into the socket deep enough to gain a good grip. Pulling back strongly, he pulled the eye out, feeling the muscles and the optical nerve tear from Danzo, filling the room with a wet squelch as it came out.

Shizuka didn't flinch and he ignored the scream of agony as he jumped back, retrieving the bottle of pink liquid from a seal and plopping the eye into it. In one motion he proceeded to seal the bottle away in a seal in his sleeve, making use of the time Danzo needed to recover.

Before Danzo gained his barings again, Shizuka managed to land another strike, cutting deep in Danzo's shoulder and cutting away the black robe and unfurling the bandages, revealing a scarred looking arm with more Sharingan grafted into it. Shizuka pulled up his lips in a sneer at the sight. People _died_ for that, for Danzo's selfish wish to be stronger. It was disgusting.

Shizuka's eyes widened slightly as he watched the wound on Danzo's shoulder close, reminding him of the healing ability of Orochimaru. But it was slower and did not heal his eye. Blood slowly ran down Danzo's face and a new emotion appeared along with it. Disdain towards Shizuka. The condescending sneer told Shizuka Danzo was still underestimating him, despite his small victory already.

Taking his stance again, he gave a small motion with his hand, telling Danzo to come at him with a smirk.


	24. Danzo's End

Danzo growled at Shizuka. He hadn't seen where the eye went, but he sure as hell was going to take it back. Even if it meant taking the man apart. His eyes scanned over the room, looking for anything that could help him gain the upper hand when his eye fell on a few vials tucked away on a shelf and saw an opportunity in that. Now he just needed a chance.

Danzo fixed his gaze upon Shizuka, taking in every move of the man, but there was something about Shizuka he couldn't quite place, not even with his Sharingan. It disturbed him. It was unsettling. Shizuka took his stance again. A stance Danzo was not familiar with. The taunting hand gesture along with that arrogant smirk irked him, but he, of course, was too composed to let that get the better of him. 

Still, a stand-still amidst the battle also wasn't to Danzo's advantage, so he obliged, gripping his Katana and taking the first move for now. He just needed Shizuka to loose focus, even if it was only for a moment.

The clash of steel was the only thing to break the silence for a while. The clash was intense and seemed to be taken personally from both sides, both believing in their own goals and justifications.

Danzo made a particularly fierce strike, coating his blade in Wind chakra to make it sharper and hit harder. It made Shizuka have to brace himself not to be pushed back and lose his balance. In retaliation, Shizuka swiped his leg, landing a kick in Danzo's stomach hard enough to throw him back and land amidst some shelfs. Several shelfs broke, and the content of the shelfs ended broken on the floor, steeping the room in a new layer of chemical stench and fumes. While Danzo bravely withstood the fumes and smells, Shizuka felt his eyes water from them and his nose burning. His senses were so much more sensitive than Danzo's. He raised his arm to shield his nose and mouth with his sleeve and squinted his eyes. 

And that was the moment Danzo had looked for. With Shizuka struggling and distracted, he was able to grab the bottle he spotted earlier. 

With precision, Danzo grabbed the bottle and threw it at Shizuka, who raised a kunai in a reflexive instinct to protect himself, to block the incoming projectile without truly realising what it was. The glass shattered and the liquid burst out of the bottle. The sleeve with which he had blocked and that side of his body was quickly soaked in the liquid. It immediately corroded his shirt away, and then started burning into his skin. A smell of burning flesh quickly filled the room as Shizuka struggled to remove his shirt and searched for a way to clean his skin. 

He hissed in silence at the pain that settled into the majority of his skin, but the chemicals burned and effectively cauterized the wounds it made, making it excruciating, but not taking Shizuka out of combat. The smells were suffocating to Shizuka, and if he was to have any kind of chance, he needed to leave the confinements of this room. 

Blinking fast to get the tears out of his eyes, he found Danzo. With a burst of speed he grabbed hold of Danzo and in a flash, they stood outside on the training ground Kakashi and Shizuka had mauled not too long ago. 

Shizuka kicked Danzo back harsly as soon as they landed, giving him at least a little time to recover from the assault on his senses, leaving only his burning skin as a disadvantage. The sound of the river nearly was almost temping with the promise of cooling his skin, but he didn't know what chemical was on his skin and for all he knew water would aggravate the reaction. 

As he stood, waiting once again for Danzo to move first, he felt his arm shake. Not the normal tremor, but from pain. His skin wasn't healing. The chemicals were still active preventing that. He shook his hand to get the unconscious tension out of his arm and shoulder and regain his focus, but for all the good that did, he might as well have stabbed his hand with a kunai...

Danzo took the initiative once again. With the new-found space, Danzo was free to use more Jutsu than before. He effortlessly combined strikes with his Katana with Vacuum Blasts, which cut through anything as easily as the sharpest blades and Vacuum Bullets, the concentrated air dense enough to pierce bodies like bullets. The fact that both Wind Jutsu went almost unseen and Danzo did not relent in his attacks, Shizuka had to admit he was made to struggle and take some hits he would have probably been able to avoid under different circumstances, but the pain was cumbersome to say the least. 

Fortunately for Shizuka, the open area also offered the space he needed to go all out, starting with several Kage Bunshin to meet the same fate as all Kage Bunshin before them; to distract the enemy, take a hit and then give the caster a better understanding of the battle at hand. It was not his favorite move without reason, after all.

"What is that? That is the seal for the Kyuubi! The Uzumaki boy is supposed to be the only one with such a seal! What are you?" Danzo almost yelled. The molding of chakra had revealed Shizuka's _empty_ seal. Again Danzo only gained a silent stare as an answer. "No matter. I will end you anyway." He said, attacking once again. 

Shizuka retaliated, using Wind chakra of his own to coat his Katana. He didn't use it often outside of strengthening his Rasengan, but maybe he should focus on it in the near future. Seeing Danzo use it naturally and efficiently made him realise the potential behind using wind. 

Danzo fought dirty, keeping his attacks focussed on Shizuka's open skin. The Kage Bunshin disappeared quickly with the precise hits from Danzo. 

With a new set of Kage Bunshin, Shizuka attacked, forming a Rasengan, along with two of the clones doing the same. They cornered Danzo, keeping him in place long enough to let at least one of the three Rasengan hit the target. It shredded through Danzo, and Shizuka smirked.

At that moment, Danzo disappeared. His image shattered like an illusion, only for him to appear elsewhere, unharmed, or so it would seem. Shizuka did notice Danzo was more winded.

Shizuka managed another strike that should have been lethal, but again Danzo dissappeared to appear unharmed elsewhere. "Do you see? Do you understand now how foolish it was to stand against me? You cannot kill me!" Danzo said and Shizuka would have been convinced was it not for the knowledge that Danzo had died already by the hands of Sasuke. It was bravado, meant to cover the fact that the first Sharingan on his arm had closed forever. 

Shizuka already took note of the pattern. Fatal damage was instantly healed. Other injuries healed over time, but slower and seemed to take more effort. There was no use in trying to kill Danzo, but maiming might be worth the effort. 

A few Kage Bunshin hid in the shadows, gathering energy from Nature, while other Kage Bunshin and Shizuka himself stalled for time with seemingly haphazard attacks. By the time the Kage Bunshin were ready, Danzo had avoided death again and another two eyes had closed on Danzo's arm, leaving seven.

Shizuka went for the three-way approach, keeping himself at Danzo's back. He charged another Rasengan along with his Kage Bunshin, but dismissed one of the Kage Bunshin gathering Nature energy just before his Rasengan was to strike. He pushed the destructive new force into the Rasengan, also adding Wind energy at the same time, creating a Rasenshuriken. 

He didn't throw it. He kept it in hand to be more accurate, cutting through Danzo's shoulder without hitting anything too vital. It worked. The arm dropped to the ground and did not even twitch anymore.

Danzo glares at his arm in distain. With the arm severed, Danzo suddenly seemed a lot more fearful. His immortality, his answer to the end and his power had been simply cut away from him. Not even Hashirama's cells would be able to heal this wound for him, and even if he could grow back the arm, that arm would be void of his precious Sharingan. And there was no replacing them, unless he could find Itachi and take the eyes of Sasuke after he awakened his Sharingan. 

Danzo made himself ready to retreat, but he was surprised to see company with Shizuka. Kakashi, and a group of ANBU. Even Sarutobi was present. But even with back-up, Shizuka didn't falter in his attention, keeping his eyes on his target. 

Danzo was not stupid. He knew this fight was lost, but he also knew he could bide his time for a new chance to gain power. He stood down, allowing himself to be arrested. After all, he had allies that would not let him sit in a cell for too long. He was needed, essential in a lot of ways. 

What he did not take into account, however, was that Shizuka had no intention of letting Danzo live, not even for imprisonment. He approached Danzo, Katana in hand, but no clear intent for an attack. When he was well within reach, Shizuka ran Danzo's heart through with his Katana mercilessly. 

Shizuka let Danzo drop, turning his attention to the arm and the possibility to save more Sharingan then just Shisui's while Kakashi followed him, trying to get Shizuka to let his wounds get treated.

"Reckless bastard." 


	25. Kakashi's worries

The moment Kakashi caught up with Shizuka was the moment Shizuka made a dash for Danzo, only to disappear from sight as soon as Shizuka grabbed on to Danzo. Kakashi's eyes widened witnessing the Jutsu, being strongly reminded of his Sensei. Again he wondered where Shizuka had learned it, but again he needed to let it wait.

In the glimpse Kakashi saw, he saw the burns covering Shizuka's skin and the disgarded shirt on the floor. His gut wrenched at the sight of the injuries. Why did he need to be so reckless? What was driving the man he came to love to such lengths?

After picking up the shirt, he sniffed it before coughing from the assault on his senses. The chemical residue was still slowly corroding the edges. "Get this to the medical team. They'll probably need to know what burned him." He said to an ANBU, handing the shirt over. Now he just needed to figure out where Shizuka had disappeared to.

As soon as Kakashi stepped outside of the building, it became evident quickly where Shizuka had gone to. The earth shook like only a strong Justu could make it shake, and it seemed to originate from beyond the other side of the village. The flaring Chakra were also good guidelines.

"Kakashi, good. What's the status?" Sarutobi asked. An ANBU had reported to him that the operation was bigger then they had initially thought and he mobilised additional ANBU, along with himself. "We swept the building. The only one left is Danzo, but he and Shizuka disappeared somewhere. Shizuka is injured, but I didn't see the full extend of it." Kakashi quickly summarised. He didn't want to stop moving, he wanted to go help Shizuka.

Another shutter could be felt underneath their feet and both looked at the point of origin. "I need to get to him." Kakashi said, not moving his eyes from his target, despite it being beyond point of view.

"Yes, let's go." Sarutobi said and with that, Kakashi was running, followed by the Hokage and his team.

They landed just in time to see Shizuka run at Danzo with a charged Rasengan. _Minato's_ Rasengan. It blew up, taking the shape of a Shuriken, but still in complete control by Shizuka. Shizuka, who now looked vaguely reminiscent of Jiraya in some way, raw power emanating from his very being.

It was a hit to kill, no doubt, but Shizuka didn't kill Danzo with it. Instead, it cut through Danzo and took off his arm. Kakashi was confused by the move. Why not go for the kill? Shizuka was able, yet chose to let Danzo live?

Shizuka jumped back, breathing hard. He held his burned arm away from his body a little and his other hand was hovering over his burned side, like he wanted to clutch it due to the pain, but kept himself from doing so. The shaking with every breath told Kakashi Shizuka was at his end, and was pushing through once again solely on will power. How Kakashi wished he knew more about what drove Shizuka, what secrets were still kept from him, but again he settled for hoping to know more one day, and trusting Shizuka to be honest about everything he can share.

Kakashi jumped towards Shizuka, half expecting the other to lean against him and finally give in to his injury, but Shizuka's eyes remained on Danzo. There was still purpose in his eyes and that kept him going. "Come on, you're done." Kakashi said to him in a calm tone. Shizuka shook his head and remained focussed. "You need to be treated." This time a nod was his answer, but also a quick gesture, telling him 'almost done'.

Shizuka started walking towards Danzo. Danzo had stood down. For a moment he wondered if Shizuka was going to complete his mission with the arrest of Danzo, but he had seen something different in Shizuka's eyes.

It wasn't until the very last second that Kakashi saw the true intent. Shizuka ran his Katana through Danzo's heart without any sign of remorse. Kakashi, Sarutobi and a few ANBU flinched and grimaced at the sudden action.

Shizuka turned his attention to the severed arm, and Kakashi had had enough. He knew Shizuka was purpose driven, but this was beyond reasonable. Kakashi felt angry towards Shizuka, but once again Shizuka surprised him with the reason for his persistence. The vail with the pink liquid, actually several vails, popped out of yet another hidden seal, and with precision that could have been surgical Shizuka removed the eyes from Danzo's arm.

"Shizuka, you're done. Others can do this for you." Kakashi almost begged. It hurt him to see Shizuka so hurt, yet still not giving up. Instead of pushing again, Kakashi stood beside him in silence, ready to catch Shizuka should he fall.

"Shizuka, enough. You need to stop now." Kakashi said, sternness in his voice after the last viable eye had been secured. Shizuka nodded and sagged through his legs, sitting down, and finally allowing himself to show his fatigue and the effects of his injuries. "Reckless bastard." Kakashi said, kneeling down next to Shizuka. Shizuka managed a weary grin and a slow nod in response.

The medical team quickly swamped them, forcing Kakashi away from Shizuka in favour of more space for medical treatment. The conclusion was hospitalisation. Shizuka was taken away before Kakashi had a chance to force his company onto them.

"Kakashi. We need to talk." Sarutobi approached him. The old man looked older than Kakashi had ever seen him as Sarutobi eyed his dead former team mate. "It might be overdue to inform you on certain issues. And I want Shizuka to tell you a lot himself, but there are a few basic things that I want to discuss with you now that this business is finished." Again Sarutobi's gaze drifted to Danzo. There was sadness in his eyes, and resentment, both aimed at the same person. Kakashi could only imagine the betrayal he must feel knowing his former team mate had gone against him and the village the way Danzo had done. It also partially explained why Sarutobi had been so blind to the truth about Danzo.

They walked back together, frequently interrupted by questions from ANBU and members of the medical team.

"Kakashi, I'm sure you have a lot of questions by now. Especially concerning Shizuka." Sarutobi said.

"It's hard not to have questions when it comes to Shizuka. I'm sure you have questions as well, despite knowing a lot more than I do." Kakashi answered. They walked a steady pace through the village. It felt pleasant and calm despite the recent events. "I suppose you're not going to delve too deep into this either? Something is going on and it's big, but if it's personal to Shizuka, I'd rather wait to hear it from himself. That is, if you allow him to speak about it."

"Speak. Funny that you say it like that. That is one of the issues I wanted to talk to you about. If there was a chance for Shizuka to regain his voice, what would you be willing to do for it?" Sarutobi asked, eying Kakashi to see how he would react.

Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks. "Is that even possible?" He asked, almost whispering and wide eyed.

Sarutobi stopped as well, facing Kakashi. "Well, it seemed he never had any medical treatment for his throat. Or the scar that goes with it. I also know the boy is incredibly fast when it comes to healing on his own, but that doesn't mean he can't be helped beyond that, don't you agree?"

"Yes!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Uh, I mean, yes." He said a bit more calmly. "But again, how would that be possible? Is there anyone that's even able to do something like that?" He asked in a fake calm voice. He wanted to know more. No, he _needed_ to know exactly what he could do to set this into motion. He needed this for Shizuka, and for himself.

Sarutobi chuckled. "It seems I can trust you to do anything for Shizuka. That's good. Because I want this to be kept secret from him. There is a good chance that we can help him. The problem is going to be getting him to the help, or getting the help here. Either way, we need to start looking for Tsunade."

"Tsunade? Your student and one of the Sanin?" Kakashi asked. He had not expected that, but if there ever was going to be someone that could help Shizuka, it would be her.

"Yes, her. Jiraya is going to be here soon in preparation of the next mission. It'll be a good chance to ask him for information on her whereabouts. I will be sending Shizuka out with Jiraya and during that same time, I will be sending you after Tsunade. If everything goes right, when Shizuka arrives back, Tsunade will be able to start treatment." Sarutobi ended with a smile that reached his eyes.

Kakashi nodded, feeling excited and giddy at the prospect.


	26. Medicated

Kakashi walked to the hospital. After the conversation with the Hokage he had been so excited he had almost walked home. As soon as he realised, he turned around and made his way to the hospital. Since he found himself near the shopping district anyway, he stopped to buy a gift. It wasn't much, but it was better than turning up empty handed.

He entered the hospital and registered himself with the nurse. She was smiling and reassured him over Shizuka's condition, though she gave no details and told Kakashi he needed to wait for another nurse before being allowed to enter the room Shizuka was in.

She also told Kakashi he was registered as the person to contact should there be any complications and handed him over the ruined shirt Shizuka had been wearing. "We've had a lot of trouble getting him sedated before the procedure. He gave us your name as next of kin. I trust this is correct?" She asked, still smiling. Kakashi nodded and smiled behind his mask. Shizuka practically called him his family and Kakashi would have never guessed that it would make him this happy. It made his stomach flutter.

He sat in the waiting room as time ticked by. Every minute felt like it took a little longer than the one before, but all in all he only waited for half an hour. A woman in a white coat approached him. "Hatake-san?" She called out. He stood up and followed her. She was already walking down a hallway deeper into the hospital. It was quiet in this hallway. More so than the other hallways. Not a lot of visitors seemed to be allowed into this wing.

She led him to the last room in the hallway. "Here we are. A nice and quiet room. Now I must warn you, he has had a lot of medication. And I mean a lot. He hasn't been very responsive to them, but when we did reach the point where it affected him, it hit a little harder then we expected. He might be a little... incoherent. But it is better than having him in pain. So don't be too surprised if he doesn't make any sense." She said. "His wounds are covered, but they are still open wounds. It's best not to touch him to prevent complications. Just ring for a nurse should any kind of assistance be needed." She made a small bow and started to walk away, leaving Kakashi standing for a closed door. "Oh, and Hatake-san. Don't keep him awake too long. The poor man really needs to sleep as much as possible." She said with a smile and then walked away without looking back again.

Kakashi sighed and turned back to the door. For some reason he was nervous. He didn't want to see Shizuka injured like this, but at least he wasn't in any pain according to the nurse. Kakashi just hoped Shizuka would appreciate his presence. And not find it too much.

He quietly opened the door and slipped inside. The curtains were closed, leaving the white room less bright, but it didn't stop a lot of light from flooding the room. There was only one bed in the room, making it more private, but most likely it was a way to prevent complications to Shizuka's wounds. Shizuka was sleeping. He was on his side. Kakashi saw he had pillows as supports in his back and his belly to keep him from turning in his sleep onto his healing wounds. The blanket only covered his legs. The rest of him was covered in a plastic wrap-like material to keep the wounds clean and prevent them from drying out. For the same reason the room was kept warmer than the other rooms to prevent Shizuka from being cold.

Kakashi took another deep breath, hating the smell of sterilizers that always seemed to linger in hospitals, and walked over to the bed. Quietly, he pulled up a chair, and sat himself as close as possible to Shizuka's face. Shizuka seemed peaceful, sleeping like this. Relaxed. Kakashi couldn't help but let his eyes wander over Shizuka's sleeping form. Even relaxed like this, Kakashi could easily make out the outlines of Shizuka's muscles, and also the fact that despite Kakashi's best efforts to keep Shizuka eating properly, his ribs were still showing too much.

Kakashi looked at Shizuka's face, gently removing a few stray strands from his face. It was the first time Kakashi truly realised just how young Shizuka really was and lying amongst the white sheets seemed to hammer that point home. How old was Shizuka anyway? He realised he didn't actually know. But it was clear to him Shizuka was definitely younger than him. At least a couple of years.

He placed his gift on the small bedside table and turned his attention back to Shizuka. He looked cute, the way he slept. Just looking at his face almost made Kakashi forget where they were and why Shizuka was there. Kakashi smiled. He was just happy being close to Shizuka.

Kakashi dared to caress Shizuka's cheek again, feeling the soft skin run underneath his fingers. The light touch was enough to rouse Shizuka from his sleep. For a moment he seemed lost, before his eyes found Kakashi's face and Shizuka's face broke into the most genuine smile Kakashi had ever seen on his face. It looked absolutely amazing. "Hey." Kakashi said, running his fingers over Shizuka's cheek.

Shizuka tried to speak and looked surprised when no sound was heard. He almost looked cross-eyed as he chewed his tongue and felt his throat, like he was trying to see his own neck. "Sorry if I woke you." Kakashi kept his voice low. He didn't want to disturb the otherwise tranquil room too much. Shizuka's eyes found Kakashi again and he smiled again. He shook his head. ' _It's fine._ ' His hands seemed unusually steady as he signed. Probably another effect of the medication, Kakashi guessed.

"Are you in pain?" Again Shizuka shook his head, smiling again.

"Why'd you think you could talk?" Kakashi couldn't help but ask. He was curious. Shizuka frowned. It seemed to take some effort to think the question over. ' _I thought I might be dead too.'_ He smiled again, looking giddy.

"What? Why would you think that?" What did Shizuka mean with 'too'? This wasn't really helping Kakashi understand Shizuka, but then again, the nurse did warn him Shizuka would be out of it a little.

' _Silly Kakashi... because you died._ ' Shizuka giggled and smiled.

"But I'm not dead." Kakashi said, emphasizing his words by placing his hand on Shizuka's cheek again. Shizuka seemed really out of it, so maybe physical contact would make him realise he wasn't making sense.

' _I know, but you did die. Everyone died. Sasuke, Sakura, you... everyone... except me..._ ' Shizuka frowned again. It was clear Shizuka wasn't really clear in his mind and Kakashi felt a little guilty for asking questions now that he knew Shizuka had non of his usual defences. He really should stop asking questions and wait for Shizuka to come to himself again. But...

"I don't understand what you mean. I never died. If I had died, I would be, well, dead, and I'm not. I'm right here." He said. Shizuka shook his head again. The small movement seemed to leave him a little dizzy, so he chuckled again at the feeling it left in his stomach.

' _You didn't die now, you died later. Or before?_ ' For a moment Shizuka lost focus, blinking a few times and thinking hard on something. ' _I was really sad, you know? It hurt..._ ' The memories that Kakashi knew had been hunting Shizuka seemed to bubble to the surface again. ' _I don't want to lose you again..._ ' Tears formed in his eyes as he reached out to hold on to Kakashi's shirt.

"It's alright, I'm right here. I won't leave you." Kakashi said, stroking more hair out of Shizuka's face and grabbing hold of Shizuka's hand. "Calm down, sweetie, you'll be alright. It's okay." Shizuka blinked his tears away as he nodded. Kakashi felt Shizuka's grip on his hand tighten a little more.

"Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up, alright?" Shizuka nodded. Still holding Kakashi's hand left him unable to respond beyond that, but really, he didn't need to say anymore.

Kakashi placed his arm on the bed and his head on top of his arm. He tilted his head so he was looking straight at Shizuka. He touched Shizuka's nose with his finger, gaining a content smile from Shizuka. Kakashi returned the smile. "Sleep well. I love you." He whispered, watching Shizuka's eyes close slowly.


	27. Confessions

It wasn't bad, waking up with Kakashi right in front of him. A smile tugged at his lips for it. Kakashi looked peaceful like this. Shizuka couldn't help but want to touch him.

Shizuka moved his arm. His skin felt tight and stiff like only a scar could make it feel. He knew that once he got the skin moving, it would get better. It'd take a bit of time, though.

He looked at Kakashi again. He really wanted to touch him, like Kakashi had done the day before, gentle and caring. Shizuka gently stroked the hair out of Kakashi's face. It was so soft. Shizuka would never be able to get used to it. His own hair would never be described as soft, he knew, but then again, he wasn't planning on running his fingers through his own hair...

The early morning light felt a little bright even with the curtains still closed, but it allowed Shizuka to look around the room a bit. His eyes fell on the small item on the bedside table. A silent laugh rocked his body as he saw it, but he quickly suppressed, glancing at Kakashi. He didn't want to wake him, but it seemed Kakashi wasn't bothered by him moving.

Shizuka looked back at the item, smiling like an idiot. Not only did Kakashi buy him a gift, but he managed to get the one item _Naruto_ had always faithfully kept with him at all times. A Gama-chan coin pouch... Though this one was orange instead of green, it still brought back memories. Memories of good moments mostly, which surprised Shizuka a little. The orange colour also made him think of Gamakichi. Of course, much like his clothing, Gama-chan had also failed to survive the time-travel seal.

Shizuka tried reaching for it, but his tight skin didn't allow him to reach that far. Kakashi was also a bit in the way. He sighed and let his armrest on his side again, deciding to wait for Kakashi to wake up.

Sitting still really wasn't his strong point. Before long, Shizuka was gently touching Kakashi's hair again, watching the silvery strands run through his fingers. At some point, Kakashi made a sound between a grunt and a moan. Shizuka froze, pulling his hand back a little and waiting for Kakashi to settle back into his sleep. "Don't stop..." Kakashi whispered.

Shizuka obliged with a small smile. He was happy Kakashi was enjoying his touch but went on to make sure Kakashi's hair would end up messy in a small fit of mischief. Well, more messy than usual. He couldn't help it. He was feeling more like himself than he had in a long time and messing with people was a natural part of that. Being there with just Kakashi, it made him feel like he was allowed to be just that, himself.

After a few moments, Kakashi raised his head, and for a moment he was taken aback by what he saw. Shizuka, smiling widely and genuinely, and laughing, though silently. It was beautiful to watch. Shizuka ruffled through his hair one more time and grinned happily, proud of the mess he managed to make. Kakashi had to swallow a lump in his throat at the sight. A smile like that, happiness, on Shizuka's face would make anything worthwhile.

Shizuka quickly pecked Kakashi's clothed lips and pointed at the bedside table. ' _For me?'_

"Uh." Kakashi had to clear his throat to produce a normal sound. "Yeah. I mean, I know it's a bit silly, but..."

Shizuka shook his head. ' _It's perfect. I love it!'_ He smiled and reached for it again. Kakashi witnessed the struggle with a wince. The taut skin looked healed well enough, but the effort still looked painful. He reached out as well, passed Shizuka's outstretched hand, and took the item. He handed the plush wallet to Shizuka.

Shizuka fiddled with it for a while before delicately placing it on the bed in front of him. ' _We'll need to fill it up soon, go on some missions together_.' He looked excited at the prospect.

"Yeah, but first you need to recover enough to be released from the hospital." Kakashi said. The enthusiasm was endearing and he was looking forward to going out with Shizuka again, but only after Kakashi was completely sure Shizuka was alright.

' _I'm good to go right now!'_ Shizuka tried to sit up, but Kakashi kept him down with a hand on his shoulder.

"No, you're not." He said, staring Shizuka down. It was still very early, too early for even a nurse to have checked in on them. Last night one came by and did a quick check. That's when Kakashi talked her into letting him stay for the night. She had said Shizuka was healing incredibly fast, but still needed time and Kakashi was going to make sure Shizuka got all the rest he needed.

' _Of course I am, I've all healed anyway, so I can leave.'_ Shizuka gave him a stubborn look back, almost glaring, and Kakashi saw the restlessness underneath it. Shizuka wasn't meant to be kept still. He needed to keep moving. The hospital must be torture for him, even if it was just for one day.

Kakashi shook his head, almost rolling his eyes. Stubborn as Shizuka was, Kakashi could be too if it was for Shizuka's own sake. "No, you're not. Last time you left the hospital on your own accord, you ended up sick." He said. He wanted to sound stern but wasn't really sure he pulled it off.

Shizuka let himself rest back into the bed and closed his eyes for a moment. More a tiresome, slow blink then anything. Kakashi caught it without trouble. Shizuka might be claiming he is fine, but he was still tired and still needed time to recover. ' _That was something different.'_

"Yeah? So it's just a coincidence you left the hospital before being discharged and I found you practically collapsing at your door?" Kakashi said with a sardonic undertone.

Shizuka looked at Kakashi for a moment and then looked away. He hadn't thought Kakashi had heard about his short trip to the E.R. from before. ' _That didn't have anything to do with leaving the hospital early._ ' There was a different reason for him being sick. It might have been partly because he lost Kurama, maybe that messed up his immune system, but there was also something else, something strong and gut-wrenching to him.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. If there was another reason for Shizuka falling that gravely ill, he would love to know about it. "It didn't? Then how did you get so sick?"

Shizuka didn't seek eye contact as he thought over his answer. Honesty would go a long way. He could be honest with Kakashi, no matter what it was. ' _I... I got homesick._ ' He glanced at Kakashi.

Kakashi chuckled at that. "Homesick? At home?" He asked.

Shizuka made another attempt to sit up, but again Kakashi held him down. He had wanted to show his indignation at the remark but settled for a glare at Kakashi. ' _It's not home when you're not there, smart ass! I felt abandoned.'_ He drove his point home by hitting Kakashi's shoulder, but to Shizuka's regret, it probably hurt himself more than it did Kakashi. Really, Shizuka knew he was dim at this stuff, but it seemed he found an equal in Kakashi.

Kakashi grinned at him. Even through the cloth that much was clear. Shizuka smiled back and after a moment, they were both laughing. "So even back then, huh?" Kakashi asked. Shizuka cocked his head. "That you've been in love with me?" A small blush dusted Shizuka's cheeks before he looked away and nodded. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same." Kakashi laughed again.

Shizuka watched him for a second. He rose his hand to Kakashi's cheek and ran his thumb over the cloth. Kakashi fell silent at the touch and he returned the gaze. A small nudge from Shizuka was enough to entice him to lean in closer. Kakashi placed his hand on Shizuka's cheek, running it backwards to dig his fingers into Shizuka's hair. With his other, he pulled back his mask and then gently placed his lips on Shizuka's, almost chaste, with just enough pressure to convey his care.

The kiss was gentle and caring, but Shizuka wasn't looking for a gentle kiss right now. He wasn't fragile. Don't get him wrong. Gentle kisses from Kakashi were amazing and had their place and time, but right now Shizuka wanted, and needed, something a little more fierce. He grabbed hold of Kakashi's hair and pulled him closer, maybe a bit rough, but it forced Kakashi to stand up and lean over him more. Shizuka turned on his back for a much as the supports let him and added his other hand to Kakashi's hair. His grip was tight. He was holding on so strongly he felt like he came off needy, but Kakashi kissed him and seemed to not care about that.

This was easy. This wasn't complicated and didn't need to be thought over carefully. Even when the kiss turned heated, it was calming to Shizuka. He could surrender and be safe. He loved it. He loved him. And maybe, just maybe, he could love his life again with Kakashi.


	28. One-sided Reunion

Shizuka was nervous. He didn't think he had been still ever since the moment the news arrived that Jiraya was in town. Even now he didn't know what to do with himself as he stood in the Hokage's office waiting for the only man that had ever been like a father to him. Sure, Kakashi had been his sensei as well, but Jiraya had taken custody of him for three years and Naruto had never before spent so much time with an adult that was taking care of him in his life. It might not have been perfect, but it was precious time spent together and their bond had been strong enough that Naruto felt the exact moment Jiraya... had died...

Shizuka swallowed, switching his weight to his other hip once again, and proceeded to fidget with his braid, absentmindedly tugging at the loose strands sticking out and messing it up more and more.

He felt Kakashi glance at him from time to time. His nervousness was probably all too visible, but he couldn't help it.

A soft rustling sound near the window nearly made him jump, but it appeared only Shizuka had heard it. A moment later a bird flew away, drawing a silent nervous chuckle from Shizuka. His senses were too sensitive right now. Even the bustling in the streets below was almost deafening. "Shizuka, you seem a bit nervous..." Shizuka rolled his eyes at the obvious understatement from Kakashi, but the remark did manage to break his fixation. He gave a quick grin to Kakashi before taking a deep breath in an attempt to settle himself.

He was so preoccupied with his own nerves and so strongly expecting that Jiraya would enter through the window as he had done so many times before that Shizuka almost missed the door opening behind him.

The click of the handle being pushed down made him grab Kakashi's sleeve as he looked at the door like a deer caught in the headlights. If he had a voice, he would have probably squealed or produced a similarly brave sound. 

Sarutobi, knowing why Shizuka was this nervous, felt himself torn between feeling sorry for Shizuka and being entertained by his behaviour. It wasn't that often that people were so off-guard and informal in his office and actually showing emotions was even rarer. He appreciated the change of pace Shizuka brought, and that he seemed to inspire Kakashi to be more relaxed too.

Sarutobi did not, however, expect the silent yet present man to actually cower behind Kakashi when he saw Jiraya step into sight, but that is exactly what Shizuka did.

Shizuka only glanced at Jiraya before ducking behind Kakashi. This was a little too confrontational. Okay, maybe a lot. Jiraya looked exactly like he remembered. Down to the clothing and the items on his back. More so than anyone else he had met in this time. At least for most faces, Shizuka had seen them older, had been able to see the clear differences age brought, but Jiraya... Jiraya was unchanged from his last memory and Shizuka found himself almost unable to process this all.

Shizuka gripped Kakashi's clothing and closed his eyes, leaning his head against Kakashi's shoulder. He felt weak for cowering like this, but he needed time to wait out the onslaught of memories and feelings. He had expected them, but apparently, he was not prepared. Kakashi reached backwards and offered his hand as a point of support to Shizuka. It took but a moment for Shizuka to grab hold as he further tried to calm himself.

"Uhm... Is he alright..?" Jiraya asked, seeing the near panic attack Shizuka was having behind Kakashi. He pointed towards Shizuka while looking at Sarutobi.

"He will be, probably. In the meantime, let's start this discussion. Kakashi and Shizuka have scouted ahead and made a contact like I have briefed you on before. Now, Shizuka has some additional information for us. As soon as he is able to provide us with this information, we will be able to continue." The Hokage almost smirked as he said the last part, and smiled when he saw Shizuka glare at him from behind Kakashi.

"Well, I'd like some more information, actually hear it from the source once we get there, preferably. Kakashi, can you fill me in on this contact of yours. Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't picked up on any of this with my network." He laughed at the end of it and turned his attention to Kakashi. He was still trying to get a good look at the man behind Kakashi, but it seemed he was beyond reason at this point.

Kakashi nodded. "His name is Utasashi Shimuro. He is..." Shizuka winced behind Kakashi, and let go of Kakashi's hand. He finally revealed himself to Jiraya with a small wave and a nervous smile. Shizuka still avoided looking directly at the man; there would be enough time for that during the mission, along with sorting out his blustering emotions. Kakashi turned around so he was facing Shizuka as well. Worry was written on his face, but he got quiet for now.

' _He's dead_.' The first thing he said to Jiraya, and it was to proclaim someone dead. Great. Along with his pathetic behaviour, he was leaving a grand first impression.

"What?" Kakashi and Jiraya said at the same time. ' _Yeah... I killed him._ ' His eyes shot to Kakashi for a second, a little guilty, before he dared to look at Jiraya. It was just a moment, but that moment was all it took for Shizuka to break completely. It hurt so badly to look at Jiraya and not see the familiar warmth Jiraya used to have in his eyes for Naruto. He was a stranger to Jiraya. Jiraya was such a dearly precious bond to him, but Jiraya didn't even know Shizuka, didn't even know _Naruto_ at this point in time. He couldn't be farther away from his godfather even while standing this close to him. It was like looking at a ghost, a corporal manifestation, but a cold one that was empty and it hurt so badly. It brought tears to his eyes and his breathing felt actually constricted.

Shizuka took a shallow breath in and quickly released it, looking down as he sought something to collect himself with. This wasn't going as he expected. Shizuka had really expected to have a little more control over himself at this point, but it took all of him right now not to disappear. He was a coward. All he wanted to do right now was run away and hide.

"That's is a bit much, isn't it? I'm not that scary." Jiraya said, scratching his neck as he looked at Shizuka's reaction. Kakashi stepped towards Shizuka and wrapped his arms around Shizuka's neck, providing a place where Shizuka could hide for a while, while Kakashi muttered sweet nothings to him in an attempt to soothe Shizuka. Shizuka grabbed Kakashi's shirt and gratefully made use of the moment of respite offered. In and out, just keep breathing.

"Well, he _does_ know you, after all, so maybe it's perfectly sanctioned." Sarutobi said, again pressing a smirk. Jiraya looked at him like he sprouted another head and Kakashi with interest. Maybe he'd get to hear more about Shizuka.

"What do you mean? With an appearance like that, I'm sure I would have remembered him." Jiraya turned to give Shizuka a once over again, this time while raking his brain to see if there was any familiarity at all. "Is he an Uzumaki? The red hair is familiar... And his face reminds me of Kushina's..."

Sarutobi sighed and looked at Shizuka. He didn't want to release any information until he was sure Shizuka was in agreement with him. Kakashi pulled his arms back a bit and nudged Shizuka so he would focus on the old man, at least for a little. "Is it alright to brief them both on your situation?" Shizuka blinked, then glanced between Kakashi and Jiraya, then back at the Hokage and then he looked down. He did want them to know, to understand, but at the same time, would he still be accepted? Or would they see him for what he was, an intruder in their time? He didn't belong here, after all...

He looked at Kakashi again, guilt on his face for doubting for so long to answer. He did trust Kakashi, so he should trust Kakashi with this as well. 

"Shizuka. It would make a lot of things easier if they knew." Sarutobi added. Shizuka looked at Sarutobi again, still a look of fright in his eyes, but rimmed with determination. He swallowed, but he did manage a nod. A simple gesture that could condemn him as much as it could set him free at this moment.

Sarutobi nodded and turned his attention to the other two men in the room. "Shizuka is from the future..."


	29. Truth

Kakashi just stood there for a while. Sarutobi had announced something that big so casually, with his closed-eyed smile and his intertwined fingers. He searched Sarutobi's face for any indication of deceit but found non. Jiraya seemed as much flabbergasted as Kakashi was.

It took a moment for Kakashi to move his stare from Sarutobi to Shizuka. As nervous as Shizuka seemed before to meet Jiraya, it was nothing compared to the fear-filled eyes and jittery movements that indicated his dread right now. It was like the moment froze and they were locked in it.

It was Jiraya that broke their trance, stepping forward and questioning his Sensei about his sanity and gullibility, but Kakashi's focus remained solely on Shizuka.

Now that the world seemed to move again, a lot of things clicked for Kakashi. The knowledge Shizuka seemed to have of Konoha, of Jutsu he shouldn't know, of things that were going to happen and about their targets. Shizuka had already known, had already lived through it. This information answered questions, definitely, but new questions arose with each piece that clicked into place.

Kakashi stepped closer to Shizuka, who flashed him a nervous grin and seemed to want to back away, disappear. Kakashi almost felt scared that Shizuka would, forever. He felt a sudden need to grab hold and keep a firm grip, or he'd lose Shizuka. Quickly, Kakashi grabbed his wrist to keep Shizuka from running and stepped closer still. He cupped Shizuka's cheek and held eye contact for a moment, attempting to silently convey his acceptance. Only after he saw Shizuka visibly relax did he turn his gaze back to the Hokage, awaiting a more extensive explanation. Kakashi let his hand wander from Shizuka's wrist to his hand, holding it as support and a lifeline for Shizuka.

"I'll go over the broader information first. The reason why Shizuka is here now and the things we've been doing to prevent the future from happening as he remembers. Basically, the Fourth Shinobi war happens, and it is a war centred around the Tailed Beasts. It was catastrophic enough to destroy everything, and Shizuka was one of the last Shinobi standing at the end of it all." Sarutobi explained carefully. Shizuka felt relieved that the old man didn't start with him personally. He needed a little more time to prepare himself for that.

"So, what? You want us to believe the kid is from the future and we're just supposed to trust him on his word?" Jiraya asked, leaning on the desk and pointing a thumb at Shizuka.

"Why, yes," Sarutobi answered almost cheerfully. "As a matter of fact, I do. Shizuka and I have had many discussions and many of those have firmed my belief in his story. Not to mention he knows about a lot of things that are otherwise impossible for him to know."

Jiraya dropped his hand and looked at Shizuka. The kid tensed when their eyes met, but there was no ill intent in them. Not even a speck. There was determination and something else, something scary, but no ill intent towards anyone present in this room. Jiraya signed and straightened up. "So, who are you then?"

Shizuka tensed, clenching his hand around Kakashi's, who gave a reassuring squeeze back before letting go. ' _Uzumaki Namikaze Naruto.'_ The signs were difficult to make. His tremor was so bad he wasn't sure he was understood, but the look of amazement on both Jiraya and Kakashi told him they did.

"Wait, wait, wait. Namikaze? As in, Namikaze Minato? You're his son?" Jiraya asked. Shizuka nodded. "And Kushina's..." Shizuka nodded again. "T-then you're my..." Shizuka nodded once more, this time with the nervous grin again. "Oh, Kami..." Jiraya muttered, closing his eyes for a second.

Kakashi felt like his brain was too slow in catching up. Shizuka was Naruto. His Sensei's son! If Minato had never died, Kakashi and Naruto would have grown up almost like brothers, and now they had found each other in an entirely different way. Kakashi felt a smile pulling at his lips. He guessed they were destined to be connected one way or another during their lives. He'd have to talk to Shizuka about their relationship before the... time-travel; was he really accepting that this easily? That they had some kind of relationship before this was clear enough. After all, Shizuka had told him Kakashi had died and Kakashi clearly remembered the utter sorrow Shizuka had on his face as he told Kakashi.

So his life, everyone's lives, were dependant on the success of a man lost in time, struggling with the loss of everyone and everything, and now stuck somewhere in another time where the dead were literally walking around him... Yeah, a whole lot more about Shizuka made sense now, but it brought as many questions as it did answers.

Shizuka shifted his stance, breaking Kakashi out of his stare. Shizuka wasn't looking at him. Not directly anyway, quick glances and uncertainty, and Kakashi didn't like that. He had thought Shizuka would be more trusting of Kakashi by now, but then again, this was Shizuka's biggest secret and such an incredible one at that that Kakashi did understand his apprehension.

"Shizuka." Kakashi said in a soft voice stepping closer to him. Shizuka flinched, but steadied himself, shooting a quick grin at Kakashi. "Calm down." Shizuka nodded but didn't actually calm down. With his shifting gaze between Kakashi and Jiraya, it was clear that he was waiting for a judgement of some sort. Kakashi sighed. Shizuka was too good at creating problems in his head sometimes.

In one smooth motion, Kakashi stepped even closer, backing Shizuka against the wall, pulled his mask down and kissed Shizuka. He dug his hands in Shizuka's hair and kept kissing until he felt the tension leave Shizuka and Shizuka kissing him back. Desperate hands twisted into his shirt and in response, Kakashi made sure his grip was firmer as well.

It wasn't a long kiss, just enough to break Shizuka's persistent worry. Kakashi broke the kiss, moving back only enough to be able to look at Shizuka. "Nothing has changed." Kakashi said, keeping eye contact persistently. "I trust you."

Relief visibly washed over Shizuka. He placed his head against Kakashi's chest and lingered there for a while. Just like that Kakashi had once again done what he himself couldn't; accept him, and make him accept himself a little more once again.

After a few seconds, he looked up, first meeting Kakashi's smile and smiling back, before realisation dawned on him and his focus trailed to the Hokage and the Toad Sanin behind Kakashi. Shizuka was unable to suppress a small blush when he found Sarutobi pointedly looking away to allow them a private moment, and Jiraya looking pointedly at them, seeming ready and aching to write down the small scene he had just witnessed. With a scrunched brow he studied his Godfather for a moment. In all the years Naruto had known the pervert, not once had Naruto caught any indication Jiraya had any interest in gay relationships. But maybe to a true pervert gender didn't mean anything. It also never came up as a conversation point between them. In retrospect, Naruto should have learned about the existence of same-sex relationships a lot earlier in life. It would have made his journey through adolescence a lot clearer, even if it wouldn't have been any easier.

But apparently, and Shizuka was able to see it now that Kakashi had calmed his mind, Jiraya believed him as well. Or at least, Jiraya accepted that Sarutobi believed him in the very least.

Kakashi blinked a few times when he saw the blush bloom on Shizuka's cheek and turned around to realise he had all but forgotten about the Hokage and Jiraya being in the room. He quickly placed his mask back and cleared his throat, to indicate to the Hokage their moment had passed more than anything. "Sorry about that. Where were we, again?" He said in his usual casual tone as he turned to face the Hokage once again, his fingers finding Shizuka's and intertwining them.

"Yes, well, good. Now that that's over and done with, we have a lot to discuss. Let's start with the next mission Shizuka has suggested." Sarutobi started. From there on out it was business and facts, laced with curiosity from both Jiraya and Kakashi towards the happenings of Shizuka's past, but both acknowledged and respected the boundaries as Shizuka presented them. After all, the Hokage's office was hardly the place to deepen a personal bond with someone, much less dig into what was clearly deep emotional trauma.

The meeting lasted long, but that wasn't surprising. In the end, Shizuka and Jiraya settled on a date for their mission, in three days at the break of dawn, and Jiraya left to prepare. Kakashi wasted no time to settle a dinner date for this day with Shizuka before Shizuka left as well, leaving Kakashi and Sarutobi to discuss the retrieval of Tsunade within the same timespan as Shizuka's mission.


	30. Questions and questions

Crossing the border was like stepping into a waterfall. The relentlessly pouring rain soaked them within seconds and their cloaks were barely enough to keep the rain out. The clattering of the rain surrounding them was almost enough to drown out the even more relentless questioning Shizuka had undergone since leaving the village with Jiraya. Almost, but not quite.

"So, how did you manage to travel back in time?" That had been the question Jiraya had been dancing around ever since they left Konoha, and he had finally mustered the courage to just plainly ask Shizuka. Yes, even Jiraya had some sense of reservation towards this man. In the first few hours of their trip, Jiraya had asked questions that hit nerves like piano strings and Shizuka had found himself unable to keep the torment and anguish off his face while facing his godfather. After that, Jiraya had been more careful with his questions, and Shizuka had been more guarded in answering. The initial awkwardness did seep away. The remnants of Naruto's relationship with Jiraya and Jiraya's brashness broke that as time went on.   
But this question wasn't a question Shizuka was willing to answer in personal detail. Not even Sarutobi knew any details about his last moments, but Shizuka was well aware Jiraya was not one to accept a vague answer.

So Shizuka stopped, standing still in the pouring rain and waiting for Jiraya to notice his sudden halt. Once Jiraya did, Shizuka turned and headed into the woods to find a large enough tree to stop the rain from immediately washing away everything and started drawing the intricate seal.

Jiraya was never far away, intrigued by every stroke Shizuka made on his makeshift canvas. He kept quiet for the time Shizuka was drawing, knowing seal drawing took a lot of focus. But Shizuka drew it effortlessly. Well practised and the style was unique, to say the least. He looked at Shizuka and couldn't help the image of Naruto surfacing in his mind. Jiraya took his eyes off the seal and just studied his godson for a while. Seeing this man, an adult in every sense of the word, jet so obviously still very young to Jiraya, and realising he should have been responsible for this boy's early childhood. And he hadn't been. He failed Minato, he failed Kushina, he failed Naruto. But Shizuka did not seem to blame him for anything. Or maybe Naruto had never been aware of how his life could have been if Jiraya hadn't shunned his responsibility.

With a sigh, he turned back to the intricate drawing in the mud. It wasn't finished, but Shizuka also didn't seem like he was going to fill in the final elements. Jiraya studied what was there, trying to memorize it all before the rain erased it from existence. "So, what? You never finished this? What does it have to do with your time-travel?"

' _This seal was the way. I'll never draw it complete again. That secret will die with me._ ' Shizuka was adamant not to reveal the rest, which of course wasn't good enough for Jiraya.

"Then why show this to me at all? You could have just gestured 'seal'." Jiraya asked.

Shizuka smirked. Jiraya, fuinjutsu master praised throughout all the nations, had missed the beauty hidden in his seal. ' _Three elements are missing. Fill those gaps with anything. What do you get?_ ' With that, Shizuka turned and resumed their route towards Amegakure. The smirk grew into a grin when he noticed Jiraya was still stumped.

It took more than a few moments for Jiraya to finally catch up. "It's a reinforcement." He started factually.

Shizuka nodded. Yes, the seal amplified the elements very strongly. ' _And?'_

"And a conduit." Jiraya added after some thought.

Again Shizuka nodded. The seal was made to guide whatever force was put into it into a certain pattern. A pattern that would suit most elements added to the seal. ' _And?'_

"What do you mean 'and'? There's no way you could fit more functionality into what you drew. Even just those two are very impressive since they'd work on any element added to it. I mean, if you add three storage elements to it, you could seal a mountain and not even break a sweat for the effort."

Shizuka smirked and shrugged, continuing his path and having Jiraya follow, lost in thought once again. And finally quiet.

It was until after they rented a room and settled for the night when Jiraya seemed to give up his pondering and turned to Shizuka with a sigh. "Alright, fine! Please tell me, because I am getting a headache from this."

Shizuka smirked, sat down and pulled a scroll and pen from one of his seals. Meticulously, he drew just one part of the seal and pushed it towards Jiraya. "Yeah, I noticed this, and it's weird, has nothing to do with the other elements and it's dormant. What does it do?"

' _Escalation. After the seal is activated, it'll gain the ability to draw Nature Chakra.'_ Time-travel didn't stop needing new energy after the subject left its original time. It required new energy for every moment, literally. And Nature Chakra was theoretically always available.

"But that makes is uncontrollable!" Jiraya almost looked scared of the consequences as he slid the paper back. Shizuka understood. He hadn't known anyone to use a seal that could draw its own energy. If it wasn't done right, if there was no adequate restriction, theoretically the seal would keep drawing until it overloaded or there was nothing left to draw in... And Naruto had ensured the seal couldn't be overloaded...

They kept to the room until dusk. Shizuka had answered questions about their current target and Jiraya had taken it better than Shizuka expected. The fact that one of his former students had died, and that his two other students were currently trying to save the world in their own way was a lot to take in, and Shizuka was well aware of this. Shizuka answered as best he could, but details were vague for him.

But as expected Jiraya's conclusion was equal to the conclusion he had reached the first time; recognition and responsibility for what Jiraya left behind, and the urge to better his past mistakes. Jiraya felt like this was similar to what he had done with Naruto. In both cases, he shunned his responsibilities, and in both cases, he felt like he should have done better. For Nagato and Konan it might be too late, but Jiraya was adamant to take on a stronger role in Naruto's life as soon as they got back. Well, stronger, try any role, but even so, it was time for him to face his responsibilities. Besides, it's been a long time since he spent time in Konoha bathhouses. He could research there for quite some time. His network could find him anywhere, so Konoha shouldn't pose a problem in that as well.

He might just be on time to help Naruto with his final exams as well.


	31. Wishful thinking

It was late in the evening. Kakashi had checked into a hotel room. Only an hour after Shizuka's departure he had left as well, alone, since there shouldn't be any dangers during this mission. He was tired, even though the travels hadn't been bad, but that didn't diminish his motivation. 

He was near Tsunade. They'd meet tomorrow for sure, leaving Kakashi quite nervous. Kakashi was wrecking his brain trying to find the right way to entice her to come with him. He doubted just asking her for medical aid would be sufficient. Despite his nerves, he tried to settle for the night, hoping it would all go over a lot smoother than expected. He was restless, tossing and turning until eventually, sleep did come. 

It wasn't even dawn when Kakashi woke again, feeling a pair of eyes boring into him relentlessly, but it wasn't unsettling. It felt familiar and comfortable. He turned so he'd be facing the door and slowly opened his eyes. Light was flooding into the room from the hallway, causing the figure in the doorway to be surrounded by light, but obscured the face in shadows. It didn't matter. Kakashi knew the silhouette anywhere and couldn't help the smile pulling at his lips. Shizuka... 

Kakashi sat up. The sight sent a thrill through his body. Something was different. Something was off, but he didn't care about that. Shizuka was here, and that's all he cared about. Maybe they could go to Tsunade together, and have her help Shizuka right there!

Shizuka stepped into the room. His natural sway was graceful, his footsteps silent. Kakashi swallowed hard as he watched Shizuka move, get closer. It was a sight he'd never get tired of. Too bad the haori Shizuka wore obscured his shape further. If it was up to Kakashi, Shizuka would be donned in much more form-fitting clothing. "

"Hello, Kakashi." Shizuka said. There was a smile on his face as he spoke, watching Kakashi's eyes widen in amazement at the few words he spoke. Kakashi shot up from the bed and stood before Shizuka in a second. He cupped Shizuka's cheek and touched his throat with his other hand. "What? How? What happened, when did?" He wasn't coherent, but he was happy. He was smiling like an idiot and almost felt tears with how happy he was. That voice. It was so smooth and calming with just an edge of a tease, exactly like how he imagined it in his dreams. He wanted to hear more of it. It gave him goosebumps.

Instead of answering, instead of letting Kakashi hear his voice again, Shizuka just smiled and kissed Kakashi. Shizuka gave a small chuckle when he eliminated a moan from Kakashi. He managed to back Kakashi up all the way to the bed without breaking the kiss. Kakashi sat down and Shizuka kneeled before him, still kissing. With effort, Kakashi broke the kiss. "How are you able to talk? What happened?" 

Another smile from Shizuka. "Don't ask, it's a long story." Shizuka connected their lips again and began tugging at Kakashi's clothing, making it quite obvious what he wanted. 

Again Kakashi broke the kiss. "How did you know where I was? Weren't you on a mission yourself?" He asked. 

Shizuka shook his head and leaned in for a kiss again, but Kakashi brought his hand up and stopped Shizuka. "So you somehow got your voice back, and now you won't talk to me?" Again he felt like something was off, but Shizuka's lust-filled eyes easily cancelled out Kakashi's last remaining strands of awareness. He didn't care anymore.

This time Shizuka's answer was more a smirk that a smile. "If you want to hear more of my voice..." He whispered, leaning in close to Kakashi's ear. "You'll have to make me scream..." Shizuka whispered. The fiery look in Shizuka's eyes made Kakashi blush such a deep red it would be almost visible through his mask. When Shizuka bit his lip, let his eyes wander to Kakashi's crotch and started fiddling with Kakashi's pants. Deft fingers grazed Kakashi's skin in the process. The smug smile Shizuka gave him when he succeeded was almost too much for Kakashi. 

Shizuka only glanced up at Kakashi quickly, a sign of being impressed in his eyes, before he took Kakashi in his mouth. Shizuka's tongue moved skillfully and Kakashi buried his hands in Shizuka's hair. "Oh, God, Shizuka!" Kakashi all but moaned out. He was struggling to remain sitting upright and placed a hand behind him for support, tossing his head back. The hot sensation around him send shocks through his body and he felt defenceless and powerless under Shizuka's touch. The way Shizuka's mouth massaged him felt so incredibly good... He wasn't going to last long, and Shizuka seemed to know that perfectly well with his relentless moves.

Kakashi moaned loudly, and looked back down at Shizuka. It was when Shizuka looked back up at him that the world suddenly morphed around him and he was staring at a boring white ceiling, an annoyingly alarm clock blaring next to him and an obvious problem in his nether region. His chest was heaving for breath and cold sweat clung to his body. 

Kakashi picked up the pillow next to him and pressed it against his face. "Goddamnit, I need to do something about this!" He yelled into the pillow. Frustration was coursing through his veins as the thrill of the dream slowly ebbed away, almost forgotten like any other dream, but still very potent. 

He sighed and sat up. This wasn't the first dream. Many of the nights he didn't spend next to Shizuka we're tormented by unsatisfied pleasure like this. Hell, he'd have to admit lately also the nights he did spend with Shizuka weren't clear of these dreams. But it was the first with Shizuka actually talking. Of everything in the dream that was by far the best part, though he wasn't against the rest someday becoming truth. He couldn't wait for the moment when Shizuka would really speak to him. Would his voice be anything like it was in his dream? But no matter how it sounded, Kakashi knew it would be perfect.

He wondered how Shizuka would react if he actually pushed their relationship further in this direction...


	32. Begging for help

Kakashi felt irked. That woman had managed to evade him three times now. And all three times she had fled to a different town where she proceeded to gamble and drink. How does a drunk woman move so fast and silently anyway?

Now she stood before him looking smug, the woman with the pig in her arms next to her looking worried. He hadn't even gotten the chance to say a word, let alone to explain his reasons for searching her out before she disappeared on him. But as determined as she seemed to avoid Kakashi, Kakashi was even more so to get her to come to Konoha with him. Or more specifically, to Shizuka. 

But it seemed she now accepted the fact that she couldn't get rid of him until, at the very least, she had heard him out. "Well, come one then. Why does Sarutobi-senpai suddenly want me back this badly, sending you of all people after me?" She asked impatiently. Kakashi's eyebrow twitched irksomely. The woman was a nightmare. Why did she have to be the only hope for Shizuka to regain his voice?

"He doesn't." Kakashi said in a low voice. He felt on edge, ready to attack, but was keeping his patience as best he could. "I need you to come with me and help my lover." 

Tsunade laughed at that, making Kakashi sigh and Shizune step away from her, awkwardly laughing as well. "Really? You think I would just come with you to treat her because you asked nicely? She must be one crazy woman to want to be around you." 

"Don't go calling someone crazy when you don't even know who we're talking about. And yes, I was hoping we could keep it that simple, but if I have to, I'll drag you, her and the pig with me back to Konoha." He said pointing at Tsunade, Shizune and Tonton in turn, before determination staring at Tsunade, who stared back equally stubbornly. 

"Hmpf, what's wrong with her, anyway, that you would need my help for? Maybe I wouldn't even need to come." Tsunade crossed her arms.

"Shizuka's throat was cut. There was no medical aid when it happened, so now there is a scar and damages to the vocal cords." Kakashi took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He had accepted never to hear Shizuka's voice, but now that it was possible, he felt nearly desperate for it. "I just want to hear my lover's voice..." He added, closing his eyes and stumbling back half a step.

Tsunade watched in amazement as one of the most ruthless Shinobi of the Leaf was practically crumbling in front of her. "How did she survive a cut like that without medical treatment? Who is she?" 

"Do you have the latest Bingo book?" Kakashi asked. Tsunade nodded, taking the small book out of her pocket. "Page three." There was a silence as both Tsunade and Shizune studied the page. "He's also an Uzumaki." Kakashi added after a few seconds, hoping that that information would be enticing in any way to the stubborn women.

Shizune was looking between Kakashi and Tsunade. "Sensei, this might be a good reason to go back. There's nothing to hold us there if you want to leave again after that, but at least we'll have been there again." Shizune whispered.

"As interesting as this character seems, it still has nothing to do with me and you haven't given me any reason for me to help. If you can give me a good reason, I will come with you. But not all the way to the Leaf. You'll have to come to me." Tsunade said. She was still staring Kakashi down determinately, wanting him to back off and admit defeat, but dogs were nothing if not loyal and Kakashi always seemed a bit like a dog to her. She wouldn't be surprised if it someday came to light Kakashi was related to the Inuzuki clan. Right now, Kakashi's loyalties were obviously focussed on this Shizuka, though it was clear Shizuka was not his real name judging by the Bingo book.

Kakashi didn't back down, but instead, he just seemed more determined. "He's Jiraya's Godson, and they are out on a mission together to stop Uzumaki Nagato and Konan." It was the shortest possible summary Kakashi could make of the situation, hoping a want for more information would entice Tsunade, or at the very least spark her interest in Shizuka.

Tsunade looked at him wide-eyed, remembering the orphans Jiraya had taken under his wing a long time ago. Kakashi couldn't mean the same children, right? She never really knew what happened to them, never really thought about them, to be honest. And how did Kakashi dream up the idea that a grown man could be Jiraya's Godson? She only knew of Kushina's son and that boy couldn't be older than eleven something. Kakashi couldn't have meant Naruto. Oh, God, she hoped not. That would be wrong on so many levels and Naruto didn't have anyone she knew of to help him through something like that! But Kakashi had shown her the Bingo book. How would Naruto be in the Bingo book described as an adult male, or in that book at all for that matter? How could Kakashi so easily admit something so wrong? There had to be more to the story and she would be lying if she'd said she didn't want to know more. "With Jiraya's Godson, you don't mean Naruto, do you?" She asked carefully, almost fearing the answer. 

"That's the only Godson Jiraya has." Kakashi answered seriously. "And if you want to know more about everything, you'll have to come and ask Shizuka himself about it. We'll be in the first village north of Konoha in a month. We'll meet again then." Kakashi turned around, ready to walk away. "And if we don't, we'll come and find you. Konoha has always and will always know exactly where you are, after all." With a closed eye smile, he Shunshinned away, appearing on a rooftop a little distance away, taking a deep breath. Was this enough? He guessed he would find out in a month.

He took his time getting back to Konoha. After all, his mission didn't have a hard time limit and Shizuka was out on a mission, so he had no reason to hurry. The day was nice, the weather calm, and Kakashi was inherently lazy at every opportunity. 

Taking a day or two extra and camping out in the open wasn't going to be so bad. The wide-open skies strewn with stars reminded him of the nights he had spent out with his team, and now also of the nights he had spent out with Shizuka. 

The smells of fire and cooking food permeated the area, and the sound of a small stream nearby settled the surrounding area into peaceful bliss.

It took a while before he noticed that he was being watched from beyond the dancing flames. The person was standing at the other side of the fire, not hiding but also not in sight. Using the light and flames to obscure himself, he was staring straight at Kakashi, seemingly studying Kakashi in silence. Kakashi didn't immediately feel the panic he knew he should be feeling, but there was something familiar about him, a familiarity that felt painful. It was replaced by dread, an instinctual fear, and Kakashi knew something bad was going to happen. Kakashi stood up in a crouch, hand hovering over his weapon pouch, and waited.

The long black cloak with red clouds didn't hide the seemingly relaxed posture underneath. But it was the man's visible eye that drew Kakashi's full attention. The rest of his face was hidden behind an orange mask, a swirl, drawing all attention into the blackness behind the mask.

"Hiya, Kakashi!" The man said cheerfully, his voice slightly too high pitched for what Kakashi had expected. "I'm here to fetch you!"

"Who are you? What do you want with me?" Kakashi asked cautiously as he straightened up a bit.

"Tobi! My name is Tobi! And I'm taking you with me! Someone important wants to talk to you!" Kakashi was sure the man was smiling behind the mask, and it unsettled him. Tobi was too relaxed, too sure that he was able to take Kakashi on just like that.

"Why?" The question was almost a growl, wary and on edge.

"Well, Kakashi..." Tobi sang playfully, stepping through to fire and leaning in close to Kakashi's face. "Your boyfriend is causing trouble, and we don't really like that." The edge of seriousness Tobi ended his sentence in was enough to send shivers down Kakashi's spine. It was like Kakashi watched a big smile morph into pure evil within the length of that sentence. There was a flow of air, and Kakashi felt himself get trapped in something he couldn't fight.


	33. Coming home

Shizuka and Jiraya were back in Konoha. As much as Jiraya had wanted to talk his former students out of their world view, they didn't listen. Their minds had been too warped and set in their way. Even Shizuka seemed overly disturbed by the fact that they hadn't talked Nagato and Konan into a more peaceful solution.

They fought, and because of the advantage of knowledge brought from the future by Shizuka, the battle had ended in a sure victory. Sure enough to mean the death of Nagato and Konan, and with that Jiraya had lost all of his students and was left to struggle through his remorse. He had failed. As a sensei, as a guardian and now as a saviour. What awaited him now in Konoha was a lifetime to make up for his past shortcomings in an attempt to guide the young Naruto through his life for as long as Naruto wanted his guidance.

Shizuka wondered how different Naruto would feel, how different his world would become, now that an adult would take charge in his life. Moreover, Jiraya was the one to approach Naruto, instead of the other way around. It might seem like a small change, only a little earlier in the timeline, but for a boy as lonely and neglected as Naruto it would mean a world of difference.

Jiraya slammed a hand down on his shoulder, pulling Shizuka out of his thoughts. "Do you know you look like you're hurting yourself when you think this hard?" Jiraya asked, followed by a booming laugh. "Don't worry, I'm sure Kakashi will still think you're adorable. And between you and me..." He leaned in closer to Shizuka. "You should read my books. Kakashi loves them and any scene from it with you would be a dream come true for him." Maybe it was supposed to be whispered, but the people around them stopping and laughing into their hands told Shizuka it had been perfectly audible to a wide audience.

Shizuka glared at Jiraya, then proceeded to walk to the Hokage tower, trying to ignore Jiraya and block the mental image bleeding into his brain at the suggestion. Chuckles from his ignored companion told him he was unsuccessful at keeping the creeping blush from his face.

With Jiraya tagging along, and Shizuka feeling particularly irksome, Shizuka had decided to skip the written report that had become his custom, and he would just let Jiraya do the report.

With a deep sigh, Shizuka leaned against the wall in a corner, listening to the report. It wasn't interesting. Or it was, but Shizuka didn't feel interested. He just wanted to go home at this point and work through what he considered yet another failure. How had he been able to sway Nagato as a teen, but had he failed now? Nagato would have had a chance to live, unlike the way it went the first time.

"Shizuka." Sarutobi said, drawing Shizuka out of his musings. He blinked, finally noticing Jiraya had already left and he was alone with Sarutobi. "You did well." Shizuka straightened up, shaking his head and almost rolling his eyes. Sarutobi knew the original story. He knew Nagato could have been swayed. He didn't _do wel_ l, he _failed_.

Clearing the emotions of his face, he walked to stand in front of the Hokage. Tilting his head slightly, he indicated he wanted the Hokage to say what he wanted. "I know you think it could have been different, but somehow I think it couldn't have been. The circumstances from your first fight were too different from this one. But you did well." Sarutobi stopped to make sure Shizuka was listening, who seemed resistant against his words. "Jiraya didn't die fighting Nagato this time."

Shizuka deflated a bit. Sarutobi was right, to some extend. Not completely, but at least about that part. He gave a short nod and turned to leave.

He found his apartment unusually quiet and dark. It felt depressing to be in the confined space, the curtains shut and a layer of dust on everything. It might have only been about three weeks, but since he didn't keep house all that well, the dust was rather visible and present. Looking toward the kitchen didn't make him feel a lot better. Fruits don't keep that long. Looking in the fridge wasn't even an option at this point; he'd seen the hell of a rotten fridge before.

Instead of staying in the depressing, dark apartment, Shizuka turned and set out towards Kakashi's apartment. Having company would do him good. Kakashi was exceptionally good company. Shizuka might even start reading a certain book around Kakashi, even if it was only to mess with him.

He was tired. More than usual. If Kakashi was home, he'd probably ask for a nap together. If Kakashi wasn't, well, Shizuka would go find him and drag him home for a nap. Shizuka had been restless, more than usual, and sleeping on the road wasn't his strong suit, to begin with.

It was as dark in Kakashi's apartment as it had been in his own, but the distinct smell of rot was absent here. Takashi would have been smart enough to throw out the perishables before leaving, Shizuka figured. Flipping the lights on, Shizuka found the room as clean as it ever was, but it was empty. Kakashi wasn't home.

With a sigh, he looked the room over and noticed a note on the side table. A smile tugged at his lips as he walked over to pick it up. The note was short but written with care. A solo mission. Within the borders, but still. And no time duration. With another sigh he lay down on the couch, facing the backrest and grabbing a pillow to hug. Maybe, for now, the scent of Kakashi trapped in the pillow would be enough to lull him to sleep.

Shizuka wasn't sure he fell asleep, or that maybe he was having a waking nightmare. When his eyes opened again, it wasn't to see the backrest of Kakashi's couch, cast in the shade of the setting sun. He saw a dark space, large and open, but dark and damp. So dark, Shizuka was at first unsure whether he saw anything at all.

But he did. At the other side of the room, bound and laying on his side mirroring Shizuka's position was Kakashi. He didn't move. He didn't even seem to breathe. His shirt was gone, as was his Hitai-ate, but for some reason, Kakashi still had his mask on. Shizuka wanted to scream, to make any noise that could get Kakashi's attention, but he couldn't. He was useless, and all he could do was try to control his panicked breathing as the image of Kakashi burned its way into his mind, mingling with images of Kakashi's first death.

He wanted to whimper, cry out, scream, anything, but the only thing breaking the silence was the rustle of clothing and his laboured breath.

Shizuka forced himself to move and flinched when pain shot through him. Muscle cramps from laying on the cold ground and something else trying to force him to stay where he was. His whole body was protesting any movement. He was struggling, but that didn't matter. All that mattered right now was getting to Kakashi and making sure he was alright. He _needed_ to be alright. He _must_ be alright.

A small movement gave Shizuka hope and more willpower to push through the painful protest of his body. It felt like his muscles were ripping from their tendons, but he didn't care. Kakashi was there, Kakashi needed him. Who cared what happened to himself if he can save Kakashi?

His struggles were stopped by a figure appearing in front of him. The black cloak with red clouds and the orange mask with swirl made his blood run cold. Tobi. Obito. _Madara_. Shock morphed into rage and hatred in a second. The onslaught of memories, of nightmares, of a man-made hell, drowned out almost all reason within a second, crushing Shizuka's spirit in an unexpected way. He wasn't ready to face this man yet. He couldn't do that alone. He needed... He needed Kakashi, he needed his team, his friends. But the crushing truth was that he had them before, and yet they had been crushed. Only Naruto's and Sasuke's stubbornness remained in the end. Sasuke wasn't here. And Shizuka was alone.

"Hi! My name is Tobi!" Tobi said in the sickening happy tone he always had. "Tobi took Kakashi because you are doing bad things to Tobi's friends." Shizuka looked past Tobi at Kakashi, ignoring Tobi in the process. "Don't worry! He isn't dead, just really, really tired! Probably because Tobi hurt him! A lot! But Tobi won't kill him, oh no, Tobi needs him alive, so you will come looking for him! Yes, you will! Because even if you think this is a dream, you won't be able to risk Kakashi's life for that!" Tobi snickered. "Tobi thinks you already know where to go! We'll be waiting..."

The world spun as Tobi activated his Kamui, and after a dizzy spell, Shizuka found himself back in Kakashi's apartment, panic crushing him as he tried to wrap his head around what had just happened.


	34. Darkness and Pain

Kakashi shuttered. The cold stone floor pressing against his skin left him sore and painful. It almost felt like it was burning and the coldness was slowly trickling into his bones, settling there and making his very core feel frozen. He took a deep breath, as deep as he could with his bruised ribs, but he needed the air more then he resented the pain at this moment. The darkness obscured his vision, keeping him blind if it wasn't for the distant light. It was too far away, too far to offer solace, too far to keep his hope alight.

Tobi stood before him, looking down on him, watching his struggle against whatever it was they had done to him. He wasn't restrained, yet he was unable to move. Tobi crouched down, tilting his head and at the same time, Kakashi felt that same familiar dread as he did when he first saw Tobi. It was the way Tobi moved. It was the way the eye seemed to look into Kakashi's soul. He knew this man, but he was unable to place him.

"Hmm, Kakashi~? What's wrong?" The sing-song childish voice echoed in the large open space. "What's this I see? Emotions? What is it? Hurt, maybe..? No... Something less shallow." Tobi sat down, leaning in closer. "Ahh, I see. It's worry. Over your boyfriend, isn't it? Well, I'd say, don't worry, but you and I both know there's lots to worry about. Will he be rash? Will he forget about himself? _Again_? Does he even know what danger he's going to be rushing into?" Tobi laughed. It was as melodious as the way he spoke, but Kakashi just revolted. Tobi could say whatever he liked. Even if Shizuka rushed in, he'd be capable of handling this clown. Because Tobi doesn't know that Shizuka already knew him, fought him and defeated him.

"Wow, such a deviant look. You're thinking Shizuka knows things that I don't. But I do. _We_ do. And we... We already know every single thing about him. We followed him and studied him from the first moment he took down one of us. There won't be any way to hide..." Tobi stood up and took a few steps back. "Because you see, Kakashi~, he already knows he lost. That little peek he got, that's going to tear him down. That's going to fester in his brain until all other thoughts are gone and nothing matters but saving you, not even his own life. Because that's the type of man you'd fall for. And that's the type of man Uzumaki Naruto is." Tobi smiled behind his mask, watching Kakashi's eyes grow wider. "Well, see ya!" With that, Tobi disappeared in that swirl again, leaving Kakashi heaving for breath in worry. Tobi was right. Shizuka was going to obsess, and he was going to act on that, forgetting everything else, including himself.

Tobi didn't come back. It took hours, or at least, it felt like hours before Kakashi even heard a sound other than his pained breathing. He was sure he drifted in and out of consciousness as well, making it even harder to keep track of time in the steady darkness he was left in.

The same sound repeated, almost at a steady rhythm, a dull bash against the stone far away, but it was something at least. Something from outside this place, Kakashi hoped. It had to be. It would help him keep connected if things got worse. And Kakashi already knew things would get worse.

As time dragged on Kakashi lost all sense of time. The steady rhythm that he clung to before slowly became an antagonising beat of a drum, designed to mock him with each stroke, and he was lost as to how much time passed between each dull beat.

Once Tobi visited again. It was as pleasant as the visit before. The whispered truths that Shizuka was out there looking for him, losing himself in doing so, and the taunting words that spoke of the trap Tobi was drawing Shizuka into, meant to rile Kakashi into anger, they hurt. But Kakashi wouldn't give Tobi the satisfaction of even reacting to it. That didn't mean his mind wasn't consumed with visions of Shizuka searching for him, but not finding him until Shizuka collapsed from pure exhaustion, or the taunting thoughts of Shizuka finding him, only to break when he found Kakashi dead by the hands of Tobi. Even if Shizuka was able to find Kakashi before Kakashi died for whatever reason, he would find Kakashi wounded, likely beyond healing and all they would have would be a last shared gaze, maybe a whisper from Kakashi and a silent but intense reply from Shizuka.

What did it matter? Kakashi saw no way for him to survive, but he clung to the faint hope of getting to tell Shizuka that his death was not Shizuka's fault and that there was no need to bear the guilt over everything that had happened. He wanted to tell Shizuka that he had made his life worth living in the time they had known each other and that he would gladly give up the rest of it if that meant knowing Shizuka.

No, he wouldn't get that chance. Either Shizuka would be too late, of Tobi would make sure Kakashi didn't get the chance. Either way, Shizuka would die with him. Maybe not physically, but he wouldn't be able to handle the loss...

The little light in the cave felt dimmer than before. The darkness was pressing on Kakashi's mind, pulling him back into moments of unconsciousness, strewn with glimmers of clear-mindedness before toppling down into fatigue and despair once again.

Something changed in the darkness. A pressure was lifted and for the first time in a long while, Kakashi had clarity of mind that lasted longer than a moment. He drew in a deep breath, which made him cough. A wet, strained cough leaving a metal taste in his mouth and his ribs screaming from the forced movement. It was less painful than before. Had he been there long enough to have his ribs healed a little? He supposed so. Wrapping his arms around his body, he waited for the pain to ebb away again. It took a while to realise that he wasn't as restricted as he once was.

He moved his arms and legs, pulling them inwards and testing the invisible restraints Tobi had put on him. They were gone. He was free to move for as much as he could in his state, but it was enough. Enough to straighten his body, stretch the muscles that had become stiff and sore and finally struggle to sit up straight and survey his situation for the better.

He didn't see anything. There didn't seem to be any light source, but the faint glow, barely enough for him to see anything, had to come from somewhere. Kakashi struggled to stand up, but his body wasn't letting him. It wasn't just stiff and sore muscles, but a more innate weakness, one someone got from not eating or drinking for a long period of time while stuck in harsh conditions. Once he felt like this before. It had taken a few weeks to feel like he felt now, and even longer to recover from it.

The dull beat that drove him into despair was now a beacon of hope. Not the rhythm or the direction it came from was any help to him here, but what he did notice was that it was more frequent, more random and was now coming from different directions and slowly the realisation saturated Kakashi's mind that it wasn't the dull best from before, but the smashing of rocks only a fight could bring. It was fast. Almost too fast for his muddled mind to process with the different origins of the sounds being so widespread between each beat, but that only reaffirmed Kakashi's mind. That speed belonged to his Sensei, and the only living person today to use it was Shizuka.

Kakashi still couldn't keep himself sitting up straight, let alone stand up, but with every crash against the rocks his heart seared, because it sounded closer because it brought hope.

A bright yellow flash made him over his eyes for a second, but he didn't keep his eyes closed long. Before him was Shizuka. He had his right side to Kakashi, his Katana clutched in his hand, kneeling on one knee and heaving for breath. A fiery yellow cloak burned Kakashi's eyes after all this time spent in darkness, but he didn't allow himself to look away. He didn't want to. The man before him had never looked this strong to him before, and never more beautiful.

Kakashi swallowed and tried to speak, but all that came was a hoarse whisper and only a single word. "Shizuka..."


	35. Righteous anger

Shizuka sank to the floor. This was happening too soon. He wasn't ready yet, but Tobi was forcing him. The one thing Tobi could have taken to drive him over the edge and Tobi had done just that. Sheer panic was all he felt at the moment. There was no way he could face Obito and Madara already. He hadn't even had the chance yet to tell Kakashi Obito was still alive, but that he was the most dangerous enemy of the world as they knew it. How was this happening? Takashi was supposed to be save, a mission within the borders of the Land of Fire, yet it was this close to home Shizuka's worst nightmare had manifested itself. How long had Kakadhi been trapped? A week? Two weeks? Maybe even longer. It was the fourth week of his mission, and Shizuka had no idea what the nature of the mission was. For all he knew, it was a small errant that should have been done in a few day, and Kakashi had been captured for three weeks...

His throat didn't seen to allow breathing. The room was too small, Konoha was too small, the Land of Fire was too small. Everything was losing its meaning, except the pure rage filling his core, replacing the panic and intertwining with an innate hatred he thought he bested long ago. Desperateness wrapped around him, chocking the little sanity he had left out of him. The world had just become too small to contain both him and Tobi, and either _Tobi_ would fall, or _he_ would.

Something stirred in his gut, reacting and fueling the rage and hatred, amplifying it until it was almost uncontrollable. Almost, but not quite. There was just enough of his sanity left to realise he was drawing Kurama back to him in his hatred. He was drawing Kurama out of Naruto, but he did not care. He didn't care he was killing his younger self, as long as he could make sure Kakashi would survive. It would solve a lot of problems anyway, and this way his death would be useful at least. This time's Kurama was wild and angry, twisting against yet another enforced imprisonment, only to find his new host completely capable of controlling him.

Shizuka's gut burned as the chakra forced its way inside, but he revelled in it. The raw power was what he needed right now. That unstoppable force would allow him to find his target, but he needed more. He needed it all. Nature would give all it has. No... He'd take from nature what he needed, whether it not it was willingly given.

The massive spike of chakra drew in every Shinobi nearby, wary of the trouble that suddenly appeared amidst them. But before any realised just what they were seeing, the bright source of light vanished from sight, leaving a dull emptiness where such a massive turmoil had been only a second before.

Jiraya, having taken his vow seriously, watched over Naruto as the boy lay writhing in his bed, his seal twisting and his body shaking. Naruto was in agony and Jiraya could only image the events that inspired Shizuka to pull the Kyuubi out in this fashion. There was no time to linger on that, though, and Jiraya started drawing a seal, trying to find a way to extend a Jinchuuriki's life after losing their Biju.

Shizuka didn't think before leaving. He only barely registered that he didn't know where Kakashi could be. The dark cave had given him little to go on, but at least he knew he was looking for an underground facility of some sort. The first location he thought of was the Gedō Mazō. The problem was, Pain summoned the statue to whatever location it was needed at that time, and Nagato was dead, leaving Shizuka little to go on.

He felt repulsed by himself. When had the life of one person started to outweigh the lives of many? What right did he have to throw everything to the wind just so he could save the one person he loved? The war had taught him it was foolish to rush into action over a single life, yet he was unable to withstand the need and ache in his heart for Kakashi. Even now, even after everything that had happened, he was selfish to a fault. Shizuka could only wonder the price he would have to pay this time. It was going to be steep, that much was sure. Unfair, even, because life was unfair.

It wasn't until early next morning that the frantic searching halted and Shizuka took enough time to breathe and think for a moment. Finding Tobi shouldn't be as hard as he made it to be. He just needed to remember Obito, and the rest would fall into place.

It was near the field where Rin had died that Shizuka picked up on Tobi's trail. The Nature chakra was pulled into an unnatural direction, and Shizuka was able to follow the flow to nearby caves.

He realised that Tobi was waiting for him. Tobi had made it easy for him to find him. That was Tobi's mistake. He underestimated Shizuka, and Shizuka would make sure he'd come to regret that mistake.

Silently, he approached what seemed to be the centre of the flow. He found wires and roots reminding him of the Shinju and the Zetsu. His stomach tightened at the idea of having to relive that all, but his correct goal didn't allow him to wallow in self-pity.

"Tobi is glad you found us! And you were faster then we expected too." Tobi stood in the centre of the room. Behind him stood a statue reminiscent of the Gedō Mazō, but it was different, smaller. All the same, it seemed to be absorbing Nature chakra with a great thirst, leaving the direct surroundings lifeless and barren, while pulling in chakra from further away. Shizuka cocked his head. He didn't remember something like this. This must be one of the changes to the timeline caused by his actions. A revision in Madara's plan.

"I should introduce myself." Tobi started an unusual seriousness in his voice. " I am Uchiha Madara." Shizuka simply shook his head, almost rolling his eyes at the blatant lie he knew it was. For a second, Tobi seemed to be thrown off, but that didn't last long. With new resolve, he stood straight. "Right, I imagine you think you know all about me. You're wrong..."

Shizuka didn't wait for Tobi to finish his speech. Within a fraction of a second, he started a full-out battle. Like with all the Akatsuki members he had fought until now, Shizuka didn't need to test his opponent strengths, didn't need to look for weaknesses. He already knew them, and he knew how to take advantage of them.

The battle was quick and furious, with Tobi easily spurred on by Shizuka's relentless force. It seemed like they couldn't exchange two blows without the other ending up bashed against the cave walls.

Shizuka didn't have his full focus in the battle, though. He was feeling the area around him for Kakashi. The flow of Nature chakra made it difficult, but Shizuka found him quick enough nonetheless.

The first moment Tobi relented, Shizuka teleported to where Kakashi was. It was the same spacious cavern as Tobi had shown him, but Kakashi was sitting instead of laying in deadly silence. Shizuka couldn't help the breath of relief he let escape, but at the same moment, all his focus returned back to Tobi.

"Shizuka..." Kakashi breathed out behind him. Kakashi sounded so weak, but Shizuka didn't look back at him. He didn't want to give Tobi the chance to catch him off-guard. It hurt, and all he wanted was to hold Kakashi and make sure he was alright, but that wasn't an option right now.

Tobi appeared in the room. Neither of them looked worse for wear despite the number of blows already dealt to each other, except for the crack running through Tobi's mask. Anger filled Shizuka as he stared Tobi down. Even knowing the history, it was unforgivable. All the lives that were lost, all the suffering brought into the world in the years to come, they all had roots with Madara. Roots so strongly planted into Obito that there was scarcely a difference between them.

Shizuka knew, he knew Obito's mind could be changed, yet for the first time, he wanted to ignore the voices whispering that this person could be saved, that a life didn't have to end just because wrong decisions were made, but it was different now. A line was crossed. A boundary overstepped. Where Naruto would have fought for a peaceful solution to this problem, Shizuka was preparing himself to kill to ensure a longer-lasting peace then the momentary peace Naruto's method would have achieved. There was no compromise to be made, no other outcome then the silent promise Shizuka made when he left Konoha; either _Tobi_ would fall, or _he_ would.


	36. Heartache

Tobi didn't move. He stood observing this new incarnation of Uzumaki Naruto, or Shizuka as he called himself now. It was fierce and intense. Shizuka's eyes were transfixed on Tobi. Those eyes, a cross between toad and fox, they had seen things, _were_ seeing things, that not even Tobi could imagine. Or maybe he could, but he chose to see those things differently.

Shizuka seemed in control, kept a balance, of himself, the Kyuubi and nature all at the same time, but there was something about the control that felt dangerous. The red splotches of Chakra slowly dripping off of Shizuka, and the skin that burned and healed almost at the same time showed that the control was dangerously thin. Not much interference would cause Shizuka to lose control over the hatred-driven monster inside of him. There was something wild in Shizuka's eyes that pushed hard against his control.

Tobi wasn't sure whether to push Shizuka over the edge or to let Shizuka keep the control; both seemed to find their own unique dangers and both seemed capable of great destruction. For a moment his confidence seemed to lessen. Formidable. Driven. Dangerous. The man before him wasn't what Tobi thought he would be. Was it even possible for him to take on Shizuka?

But Tobi had a resolve that not even Shizuka could shake. Something was planted deep inside him and with every beat of his heart, he was reminded of his purpose for this life. Shizuka had ruined enough of his plans. He needed to be stopped. Tobi... No, Obito needed to make sure plans were still possible. He couldn't bear the heartbreak of losing Rin. Not after all this time. Not after everything he sacrificed already. For a moment his eyes were drawn to Kakashi. That was another sacrifice he had been willing to make.

The moment his eyes left Shizuka, Shizuka moved. It was like he sensed Tobi's lapse in awareness and with incredible speed, he was upon him. Tobi was barely fast enough with his Kamui to avoid the dangerous blows, but what was even more worrying was the fact that Shizuka seemed very aware of the fact that his hits wouldn't land. Slowly the realisation dawned on Tobi that Shizuka knew. He knew the weak spot of the Kamui. That's how he damaged Tobi's mask before. It wasn't that Tobi had allowed it to confuse Shizuka; Shizuka had already known the moment he could do damage.

Tobi gulped, realising Shizuka was driving him to the point where he couldn't use the Kamui anymore. It would be a mere moment, not even a second, but with Shizuka's speed, he would be capable of hurting Tobi. With each passing second, they got closer to the five-minute mark, and Tobi needed to decide his course of action before then. An uncontrolled beast would be easier to handle than a sentient beast. After all, he had controlled the Kyuubi before...

Actions followed his thought faster than was wise. They weren't thought out, but the time pressure was too much. He stopped his Kamui, catching Shizuka's first and using the given momentum to twist his body and let his knee collide with the side of Shizuka's face. It was sudden, catching Shizuka off-guard and crashing him into the wall.

Time froze in apprehension, Tobi hoping the hit was enough to imbalance Shizuka's control, and Kakashi wanting Shizuka to be alright. There was a pressing silence, only disrupted by settling dust and stone as it crumbled down.

It was like a dam broke. A flood of chakra, burning everything, pressing down on Tobi and Kakashi and leaving them breathless. Next, the gleam of red eyes slowly emerging through the settling dust, focussed solely on Tobi. Even now Shizuka was in control. The hatred of the Kyuubi wasn't strong enough to compete with Shizuka's will to protect. Kakashi, Konoha, the world, it all came down to this. Shizuka stood at the beginning of misery and was able to prevent it. He felt Kyuubi push against his mind once more and suddenly he seemed to relent, giving Shizuka an even greater grip on his power than before.

The shift in balance and control did not go unnoticed. Tobi took a step back. The sheer pressure radiating off Shizuka was far beyond that of just the Kyuubi. He knew. There was no uncertainty left. He had made a mistake forcing Shizuka's hand. He wouldn't survive this. Tobi's breath was uneven and he felt like he couldn't control his body. Why did it turn out like this? Madara promised him, left no doubt that it could be done, that his wish could be fulfilled, and now this man was crushing his resolve without even moving.

Tobi gritted his teeth and took a stand. Shizuka was in the way here now, so Tobi just needed him to be not here until the moment he _did_ need the Kyuubi to complete the plan. He grinned behind his mask. Yes, that was a solution. It would mean he couldn't use Kamui until then because Shizuka was sure to destroy him as soon as he did, but for now, it would mean a victory.

Shizuka crouched, his muscles tremored from the force as he placed one hand on the ground to brace himself. The other he raised in the air collecting red and blue chakra and compressing it into a tight black ball.

In an instant, the whole world seemed to move again. It was all incredibly fast yet it seemed to go in slow motion at the same time. Shizuka launched himself with an incredible speed and at the same moment, Tobi activated his Kamui in an attempt to catch Shizuka in it. Shizuka was prepared for this. Of course, he was. He had been caught in this before, but that time he didn't have the strength and speed he had now. It was hard to avoid the Kamui. It was even harder trying to do that while dragging a Bijuudama. But not impossible.

Shizuka used the limited space in the cavern to alter his path, using the walls to guide him and chance direction. Tobi barely had the time to turn around and end his Kamui. He watched wide-eyed as the Bijuudama closed in on him and he realised he wasn't going to be fast enough to fully close it. And he couldn't phase while the Kamui was still active. There was no opportunity to avoid the oncoming blast either. He was...

Tobi saw more than felt it at first. The Bijuudama sank into his chest, into his heart. Something shattered deep within him as his flesh was torn asunder, burned away by pure Chakra. Shackles broke, and a mere moment of freedom was all he got to realise what he had done. What he would have done. His eye met Shizuka's and he found a painful amount of understanding and a silent promise to let him die as Tobi, and let Obito's death remain the moment the rock crushed him.

The pain was an afterthought, but that didn't make it less intense. It became all-consuming as he fell to the ground. Tobi barely registered colliding with the floor, barely registered the coldness creeping into his body in exchange for his blood. His mind was consumed by the pain. Enough so to render him powerless. There was nothing left.

A moment of clarity let him focus on his surroundings. All he saw was Kakashi. Kakashi looking astonished, revolted, and _relieved_. Kakashi was relieved he was defeated, that he was dying. The way Kakashi sat there, one leg slightly pulled up, one hand behind him in support and the other raised. It was exactly the same as the moment Obito was crushed by the rock all that time ago. Tobi couldn't help but smile. It was over. It was enough. "Rin..." He muttered. "I'll be right there... You better make us wait, Kakashi..." Tobi wasn't sure if his words even had any sound to them. He didn't feel like he had the breath to actually say anything, but that was alright. He had said it...

Tobi's body slumped as the life left him. At the same time, all the strength seemed to drain from Shizuka. The resolve, the build-up nature chakra and the Kyuubi's chakra all receded, leaving just Shizuka in an exhausted body to stop himself from falling. He did. Barely. He remained standing and after a deep breath walked over to Kakashi.

Shizuka kneeled next to Kakashi. He extended his hand to touch Kakashi's face but stopped and blinked, pulling his hand back a bit. He turned it around to look at it. It was red. Soaked. Sticky. Filthy. Covered in blood. Obito's blood mixed with all the blood he had shed throughout his short life. The blood of someone precious to Kakashi added to his guilt. His eyes widened as he stared at his hand. The hand of a monster and he had been about to use that same hand to touch Kakashi. He withdrew his shaking hand, grabbing his wrist with his other and pushed them against himself. Tears were stinging his eyes and he swallowed hard.

The thought he so easily rejected before now came crashing down. Obito could have been saved. He had murdered someone because they had scorned him. He had killed only to gain something for himself. There was no other way to describe him than a monster, and yet all he wanted right now was to hold Kakashi, to make sure Kakashi was alright and find comfort in Kakashi's arms. He didn't have that right, he knew that. He shouldn't be here. He didn't deserve to be here. Maybe it would be best to disappear after this. Maybe there was a place for him after death.

Kakashi placed a hand on his, scaring him out of his thoughts as he flinched. He looked up to meet Kakashi's eyes and he felt himself crack. He was so selfish, but he needed Kakashi too much. He felt his lips tremble and tears roll down his face, but he kept himself back. He wanted to dive into Kakashi's arms so badly, but Kakashi was the one supposed to get rescued. He was too weak, too selfish. He needed... 'Kakashi...' He mouthed his silent plea. 'Help me...'

Kakashi didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Shizuka, to hold him tight and give him the time he needed, even if he didn't fully understand why Shizuka broke down like this now. The strong arms felt like a shelter to Shizuka. At the same time, it didn't diminish his guilt; it just made it stronger. He was abusing Kakashi to find comfort for himself. "It's alright. I'm here." Kakashi said, tightening his hold. "We'll be okay."

This was so unfair...


	37. Home Again

Shizuka was lying on Kakashi's couch, exhausted from everything that had happened. He finally found some rest in the form of a shallow nap he needed dearly. Kakashi had been in the hospital for a few weeks and was now home, asleep as well. In that time Shizuka and Jiraya had been working on fixing the damage he had done to Naruto is his fit of selfishness. It had been complicated and had been exhausting both physically and mentally. The fact that Naruto's seal had been completely erased meant they were dealing with the Kyuubi at full power, and still full of hatred towards the concept of humanity. 

Jiraya's plan was to divide the Kyuubi once again, but now between Naruto and Shizuka, which meant that he had, at least in some part, of his long time friend back again. Maybe in due time, they could become friends again. 

What they did was, at its core, expand the seal to encompass both him and Naruto, which was only possible because they were effectively the same person. Both he and Jiraya had been near Chakra exhausted after that, but Naruto would survive and continue to grow under Jiraya's guidance. Jiraya mentioned the final exams were coming up soon and that he was glad Naruto would be better before then.

Shizuka's shallow nap was carefully interrupted by a finger gently poking his cheek. He opened his eyes to find Kakashi crouched next to him and smiling. "Hi." He said dryly. Shizuka smiled back at him and turned to his side, half-expecting Kakashi to kiss him, and felt slightly disappointed when he didn't. "I need you to do something for me." Kakashi said, standing back up with difficulty. Shizuka immediately moved to help him. Kakashi was still fairly wrapped in bandages and advice was for him to not move around too much yet. "I'm fine, don't worry." Kakashi said when he saw Shizuka getting up. "But I need you to come with me to the hospital." Shizuka was surprised by the request but nodded nonetheless. Kakashi had to be at the hospital every day, yet hadn't asked once before for Shizuka to come with him. Not that he minded. It was just something noticeable. 

The walk to the hospital had the same tranquillity as it had always had, albeit a bit slower because of Kakashi's injuries. Kakashi's healing ribs were still preventing him from breathing properly. Kakashi was walking closer next to him than he did before. Ever since they got back, Shizuka had noticed this. Kakashi stayed closer and watched him more. It made Shizuka think Kakashi might feel anxious when he wasn't near him, but Shizuka wasn't sure if that was true, or just him reflecting his own feelings onto Kakashi. As they walked, Shizuka kept letting their hands touch a little and he would smile when he saw Kakashi smile at the touch. It was an ease between them that had become very precious to both of them. He loved it.

When they arrived at the hospital, a rather nervous looking nurse greeted them a little too enthusiastically. "Hi, welcome! Are you here for your appointment?" She was all smiles as she looked between the both of them. "Yes, we are." Kakashi confirmed and the nurse looked over to Shizuka. "Well, follow me then." She said more to Shizuka than to Kakashi, confusing Shizuka a bit. She gave a big smile again and Shizuka narrowed his eyes at both of them. Something was off. Why would a nurse at the reception guide them to a routine check-up appointment? Usually, it's just follow-the-signs until you were where you needed to be. Kakashi was keeping a straight face, but the nurse giggled and tried to contain her excitement. "It's this way." She said, and guiding them through the hall to an examination room. Shizuka recognised the area as the surgical wing of the hospital, raising his suspicion a little more. He stopped walking when he saw Jiraya and a blond-haired woman talking near the end of the hall, right where the nurse was leading them. 

Shizuka was about to turn tail and run away, but Kakashi grabbed his hand and stopped him. "Nope, you're coming with me. This is for you. Trust me, you'll want this." Kakashi pulled him towards Jiraya and Tsunade and casually stepped aside once he delivered Shizuka there, leaving a slightly awkward silence and a suddenly very nervous Shizuka to fend for himself against Tsunade and the overly excited nurse who was almost staring at Tsunade. Kakashi just sat down on a nearby chair and pulled out his damned orange book. 

Shizuka glared at him for a moment, but then Jiraya pulled his attention back to this new and sudden situation. "I'll be going then. Naruto is free to go home as of today, so I'm taking him to Ichiraku's to celebrate." With that, Shizuka's last support was gone. 

Tsunade looked him over once and seemed to reach some kind of conclusion. "Follow me." She said, turning to walk into an examination room. Shizuka glanced back at Kakashi, but Kakashi was still reading, so he followed silently.

Shizune was already in the room and gave a small smile as a greeting. Tsunade turned to face Shizuka. "You know, I was quite happy thinking I was never going to return here." Tsunade started, crossing her arms and staring down at Shizuka. Shizuka nodded, knowing how true those words were. "My life was perfectly fine between gambling and drinking. But then Kakashi showed up, practically begging me to come back. Or at least to see you, even if it wasn't here in town. It seemed Sarutobi-sensei agreed with it as well." Shizuka nodded again, this time more to acknowledge the new information. "Then for all the persistence Kakashi showed, he didn't show up at the meeting we agreed to. I should have just walked away, go back to what I was doing but I didn't." 

Shizuka blinked a few times at the small rant that was directed at him. "Both Sarutobi-sensei and Kakashi seem strangely attached to you and indebted for some reason. Both of them didn't want to tell me much, and just now I met Jiraya and he too seemed strangely attached to you." She stopped to take a deep breath. "So who are you and why does everyone seem like that?"

Shizuka didn't answer. Didn't really know how to since he wasn't expecting any of this. After a moment of silence, Tsunade sighed. "I guess it's not going to be that easy to get answers from you..." She pondered for a moment. "Take off your top. I'll look you over." It took a moment for Shizuka to register what she meant, and he looked between the three women that were crowding him. He sighed and did as he was told. After all, this was a hospital and apparently, Kakashi and Sarutobi-sama thought it really necessary for him to get checked out, by Tsunade no less. 

This was a big change, though. Now two of the Sanin were back in Konoha way before their time and Shizuka shortly contemplated the possible repercussions of this change. He'd need to talk this over with Sarutobi-sama after this.

"Alright, sit on the table and we'll get started." Shizuka sat down and all three women approached him and crowded him. He subconsciously leaned back a little at the approach of the prying fingers and dread was written all over his face. If he had a voice, he would have probably yelped. If it wasn't for Tsunade, he would have probably run away...

Meanwhile, in the hallway, Kakashi was still sitting on the bench, but he had put away his book the moment Shizuka disappeared behind the doors of the examination room. He had his own appointed right about now but wasn't able to pull himself away from where he was. Nerves were swirling in his stomach, mixed with hope and a little dread. Hope that Shizuka would regain his voice and dread that it might not be possible or that Shizuka might be opposed to it for some reason. After all, they never asked Shizuka if he actually wanted to be treated. 

The nerves in the pit if his stomach only tightened when the surgery sign above the door lit up after an hour or so after Shizuka had gone into the room. He let out a nervous breath. Like so many times before, Kakashi wondered how Shizuka's voice would sound. He couldn't wait to hear it for the first time. 

A nurse approached Kakashi, interrupting his focus on the light. "Ah, I thought I might find you here. Your appointed was half an hour ago, but I have time right now too. Let's go get it done right now. They'll be a few hours." She said, pointing at the burning light. "Trust me, you'll be back long before they are done." 

Reluctantly, Kakashi stood up an follows the nurse. He glanced back one last time before he rounded the corner. He sighed. This didn't do anything for his nerves. He just felt a lot worse now.


	38. A Sore Throat

The three women had made him lie down and with a very worried expression, Tsunade informed him that fixing old injuries was a lot harder than healing fresh wounds and that there would be no such thing as sedation to avoid risking complications. She was going to attempt to fix some of the underlying damages, but she'd need to pull some tricks in order to do that. Mainly, reopen wounds and agitating scar tissue to get a healing reaction going. It did not sound pleasant at all. Apparently, there was damage running much deeper than Shizuka had thought, and some of it was even getting close to life-threatening with the way it had healed and the scars that had formed. That did explain his random pains and fatigue when he thought he should have been fine, but it didn't make the prospect on what they would have to do. 

"I'll also attempt to repair your voice, but for that, we'll basically need to reconstruct the entire organ. That's not going to be easy, but it isn't impossible. Do you agree to everything I just explained?" She asked. 

It was strange to think that he hadn't healed properly; he still healed faster like he always had with Kurama, but maybe his own body wasn't up to the task without Kurama. There was, of course, also no way to be sure that the time travel hadn't done any lasting damage. Now that he had part of Kurama back and Tsunade was working to fix the damages that were there, he felt confident he would start to physically feel better after all this. Not to mention a chance to get his voice back? That option hadn't even crossed his mind until Tsunade said it. He suppressed a smile thinking that Kakashi had gone to great lengths just to arrange this for him. He nodded to Tsunade and prepared himself as much he could. 

It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be when they at first. Getting kicked j. the stomach hurt more than what they were doing. But it was when they started working on his upper chest and his throat that he really started to feel the discomfort and straight-up pain Tsunade had predicted. Though the prodding in his abdomen hadn't been any kind of pleasant, Shizuka was able to handle that pain easily. But feeling like someone was cutting into such a sensitive area as your throat and cutting off your ability to breath at the same time was enough to settle slight panic into Shizuka. Shizune was hovering behind him, leaning slightly over him so they had eye contact. "You'll be okay. We're working as fast as we can. I know you feel like you can't breathe, but you can. Just slow, deep breaths." She kept calmly talking to him like that while Tsunade inched ever closer to the top of his throat. He gripped the bed, but other than that he tried to move as little as possible. 

Now and then Tsunade looked up and requested something from the nurse. In those short moments, the green light died down a little and Shizuka felt like it was a little easier to breathe and he gladly took advantage of them. 

"Alright. Everything is prepared. Now comes the toughest part. Shizuka, I need you to brace yourself. This'll hurt." Had his throat not been constricted, Shizuka would have gulped at the serious warning. He shifted so he felt like he could more easily brace himself and gave a small nod. "Okay, tilt your head back as far as you can..." Shizuka did as he was told, closing his eyes and taking a last deep breath before he felt a pair of hands supporting his neck and keep him in position, and another pair of hands close around his throat. The familiar warmth of healing Chakra filled his throat. 

At first, it felt odd and uncomfortable, but as time went by, the warmth grew to almost unbearably hot and the pressure inside his throat cut off all possibility to breathe. The pressure seemed too big to fit, pressing against his throat so much it felt like the tissue was ripping and tearing. It almost reminded him of the feeling the seal had given him, like he was being ripped apart, but kept in place at the same time. Now it was just concentrated in his throat only. 

The taste of blood filled his mouth, but he didn't have the ability to swallow it away. It took a lot to remain still and he was screaming in his mind for this to be over. The lack of air was burning his lungs and he focussed on the grip he had on the bed in an attempt to distract himself from it all. 

After a moment, Tsunade switched position and gritted her teeth and proceeded to double her efforts. Shizuka's eyes flew open at the increase of pain and pressure and he arched his back in pain. He felt the nurse and Shizune grab onto him more tightly to keep him in place as Tsunade worked as fast as she could. It was enough to make the world blurry and made him feel like he was drowning in the cruel sensation of pain and suffocation. 

Shizuka had no idea how long it had taken, but he was more than relieved it was over. His body slumped and he was vaguely aware that they were putting him through some form of aftercare, but he was just revelling in the fact the pressure had subsidised and air was flowing easily to his lungs. The soothing warmth that was now spreading through him was almost enough to lull him to sleep.

A soft tap on his cheek pulled his attention back to what was going on around him. "Just a little longer, okay? We're almost done." He nodded at Shizune but it was hard to stay awake. He felt drained of all his energy, but that wasn't unexpected. 

After making him drink some water to make sure everything was as it should be, he was finally allowed to sleep. 

When he woke again, he felt like he had been sleeping for hours. Maybe he had. He was enjoying the sluggishness from waking up along with the blissful awareness of time. He kept his eyes shut in order to contain that feeling, but as always when waking up, the feeling slipped away without any way to keep hold of it. Opening his eyes, he found himself in a recovery bed. Tsunade was sitting in a chair next to him, but there was no one else in the room. She was reading something but put it down as soon as she noticed him move. 

"I've never seen someone heal quite like you. The seal on your stomach is an interesting one too. Would you tell me who you are once you've recovered?" Tsunade asked. Her voice held a kind familiarity. Shizuka swallowed at the dry feeling in his throat at an attempt to speak and was met by a coarse pain that elicitated a cough from him. "You shouldn't talk yet. Normally I'd tell you not to talk for a week, but you should be fine by the end of the day." Tsunade explained. "Once you feel up to it, you can go home. I'm sure there's someone waiting for you there... I kicked him out of the hospital myself. He looked exhausted but was being stubborn about staying." She gave him a smile and left the room. 

He sat up and stayed like that for a while. His gut felt like it shifted as he moved and even though it didn't hurt, his body was sending strong signals he shouldn't move too fast. Thinking back on everything they did, he wouldn't be surprised is his gut did actually need to settle back into shape.

Once he found his bearings and was dressed, he walked out of the hospital on his own strength. Somehow that felt as an accomplishment, and he almost smirked because of it.

Looking down both sides of the road, he wondered if Kakashi had gone home, or that Kakashi went to his apartment. Picking a direction, he made his way through the village slowly, looking around like a lost tourist and still finding it amazing he actually made it back, and was making the progress that he had.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this book so far, please give kudos! I also would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment!


End file.
